So we have managed a slot at the local crematorium next Tuesday 9th June - Only allowed a congregation of 10, so immediate family only - My dad's sister lives in Australia and my brother in Sweden, so he can't get over, but we can set-up a video link for them which is good news
In due course, when Boris and Covid allows, we will celebrate his life with a memorial service in town - And I've a eulogy to write and read at church about a life time of music etc
His ashes will be buried by my mum, his first wife , who died in 1986, aged 49, of cancer
Dad left me a number of muso friends to contact, all of whom I've known over the years - It did not feel like a horrible chore one bit to call them all - The musician link made it nice and memorable - Dad took a lot of pleasure over the years from many such friends and indeed genres of music he had played in - A few 5 minute chats turned into 55 min chats, so it made it so much easier, memorable and less painful - 1 muso friend goes back to their days in shorts and before they were 10, as my granddad taught them both to play sax - I muso friend went back over 60 years ago to a quartet they played in from 1958, plus they were best men for each other when they both married student nurses, who were both friends - And another muso friend went back to 1963, again from his gigging days in a quartet
My dad always said that talking about music to a fellow musician was always more interesting than talking about music to a regular friend - I tend to agree with this and it was certainly hi-lighted when I called up to have a chat with his old muso mates - I'll stay in touch with them now on dad's behalf
The other day I had 10 mins spare, whilst cooking and thought I'd call him, then suddenly remember he is no longer with us - But instinct for a second just took over
As I've said before he was both my friend and father so will be greatly missed - But I have a life time of memories to recall
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You've certainly painted a fantastic picture here over the last few weeks, so I'm sure your eulogy will do him proud.
Your father’s life sounds well worth celebrating!
Just because you can't get him on the phone you should still call him ...........driving along on your own in the car or just in quiet moments you can still have a god chat ......you'll be amazed because just sometimes you can hear the responses .
You'll feel sad and elatedly happy all at the same time .
In the months after he died I often thought I should call him, or half-expected the phone to ring. I still sort of think of him in the present tense, not in a denial-of-reality way but his house is still "Dad's house", his things are still his things and I don't mind that at all.
Good luck with the eulogy when you're ready, I'm sure you'll have much to say!
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I collected a load of additional Photos that I hadn’t seen before from his flat. Lots of pictures, including lots of my mum when she was 18 to early 20s, including with her previous fiancé who died, and which led to mum and dad getting together.
Every day I keep catching myself as I think “oh, i’ll Ask dad about that” , and then realise,
I wish you well.
My dad had an old family photo of his clan going back pre WW2 etc - He knew who was who but it was locked in his memory - So a couple of years ago we made him write notes in the album, so we now know who is who etc - As we know family stories get watered down as new generations take over
Sorry to hear about your dad and hopefully you have many fond memories as well
My dad died a few months ago and for many long and tedious corona virus related reasons nobody was allowed/able to attend his cremation. We'll give him a proper send off at some point I guess but it will be a bit weird doing it months (if not years...) later. Thankfully I know fine well that the idea of sneaking off into the night was basically "his style" so in a weird and twisted way I think its almost what he'd want...
It was planned that the funeral cortege would start from my dad's house and we'd meet there and drive to the crematorium from there - I was told we'd meet 20/30 mins before hand as one or two old friends wanted to see him off - Part of me did not want the fuss, but I knew I had to go - Glad I did as around a 100 were there - Many I knew, but not all of them
Nice touch then, as the funeral director started to walk in front of the hearse at the start, like the old days and the days of a horse led carriage, so they could all pay their respects - So we are now driving off and suddenly I see my dad's oldest mate - They've known each other for 75 years, from the age of 10 (granddad taught them both to play sax and they've been friends since) - I spoke to him on the phone last week - I now wish I had have stopped the car and gave him a hug - I did not notice him when we were hanging around before hand - But we clocked each other, me in the car and him on the road side and acknowledged each other, so a nice touch
Not sure what else to say - We'll have a memorial service in due course to celebrate his life and I look forward to seeing many of his old muso mates for a catch up - I know most of them anyway - We might even play a few numbers for him