The concept of "un-friending"

Octahedron · March 2015

I find it a fascinating topic from a social commentary point of view.

It presents many dilemmas.

We now have the ability to simply "remove" people from our lives and never talk to them again, if that's what we so desire!

There's these people I wish to remove from my life. But the problem is of course that I would still see them in some places and they are the kinds of people who would be emotionally tormented by the "un-friending". Trust me, there is good reasons.

So what to do? To keep them but merely "hide" my stuff from them, or to remove them and block them and pretend "I deleted my account because social media is a drain on society and I can't deal with it anymore"??

I'm a 90s kid... So I still know what it's like to play outside! Or be forced to spend hours in my room in the winter/rainy days practising scales and playing old tapes or vinyls of Aerosmith's better albums. Where you could create your own world and not everybody could poke their nose in and now we want to "share" our world with everyone, we "like" everyone's stories and we want to be a part of it but there's not the human contact required anymore. We don't get to "validate" our feelings with another person anymore...

For me, having friends/family in far away places, it's great as a tool for communicating but other people want in on your business all the time!!

I don't know exactly where I'm going with this! But it makes you think, doesn't it? How much is too much?

randomhandclaps · March 2015

Well recently I had an issue when @Gassage almost bought a PRS so I was debating whether to block him or just put him on hide. Fortunately some dodgy fucker bought in from under his nose so the issue resolved itself, but it is a tricky one.

WezV · March 2015

Need to watch the black mirror Xmas special

Phil_aka_Pip · March 2015

I don't have the problem, as I don't have any "digital" friends. There are real people I drink with, there are others just as real who are now too far away to drink with, but with whom I communicate via email or telephone.

FelineGuitars · March 2015

Interesting

I actually have 2 facebook accounts - one is for my guitar activities and the other is to keep up with friends.

Some customers or guitar connections may be surprised that they can't be on both but I want to keep that for people I know and are either family, proper friends or people that I have enough connection and a laugh with to be in my "inner sanctum".

They get bored of my private one anyway - it's just cat pictures and occaisional political rants.

CabbageCat · March 2015

Phil_aka_Pip said:

I don't have the problem, as I don't have any "digital" friends. There are real people I drink with, there are others just as real who are now too far away to drink with, but with whom I communicate via email or telephone.

Wouldn't you count forum members as "digital" friends?

From that sounds of the OP I think these are "real" friends that he doesn't like any more.

To the OP...personally I wouldn't do anything. If you are concerned that you'll hurt their feelings then just unfollow them. Only unfriend someone if you want them to feel the knife bite. I suppose I only use social media for "public access" communication so I would have no problem with people I didn't like much seeing my posts; if I used it for more personal stuff I guess I can understand wanting to complete unfriend someone.

stickyfiddle · March 2015

Unfollow, rather than unfriend (assuming facebook), and mark them as acquaintances, and restrict your posts (and photos etc) so acquaintances can't see them.

They'll just assume you don't use fb much any more.

ToneControl · March 2015

FelineGuitars said:

Interesting

I actually have 2 facebook accounts - one is for my guitar activities and the other is to keep up with friends.

Some customers or guitar connections may be surprised that they can't be on both but I want to keep that for people I know and are either family, proper friends or people that I have enough connection and a laugh with to be in my "inner sanctum".

They get bored of my private one anyway - it's just cat pictures and occaisional political rants.

I do that too, one FB account for family and people I really know. You have to be strict, I ignore a lot of friend requests without rejecting them. Only 50 friends after several years

Then another account for ex work colleagues, etc, who aren't all that close

To be honest I don't check it very often

XWulfhere · March 2015

I quit FB four years ago and I never looked back, and I was a heavy user before I did. I didn't warn anyone that I'd quit so I got some indignant text messages from people who thought I'd unfriended them, while my other half got loads of messages from people thinking we'd broken up because it automatically put into all her news feeds that her relationship status had changed from 'in a relationship with wulfhere' to 'in a relationship'

All of my good friends I still keep in touch with, it was a good move to declutter everything from my life. The problem was I realised why I'd lost touch with most of these people in the real world. One thing that made me pause was that when me and Mrs Wulfhere first got together we exchanged messages through it and I would miss them, but then I just thought that if I kept it FB would be facilitator of my relationships and friendships. I don't want to give anyone the power to influence how I communicate with people.

I don't miss it at all. Realise some people still love it and I don't judge.

Axe_meister · March 2015

I use FB to keep in touch with family and ex-colleagues.

I did have to unfriend a second cousin because of a load of Britain First clap trap he
was constantly posting.

I think it is a great forum just to find what ever people are up to then when there is a family

re-union we don't have to get to know each other again.

guitarfishbay · March 2015

I removed a lot of people after graduating. Never saw them again since!

sinbaadi · March 2015

I spend enough time looking at screens.

I've never been persuaded to sign use social media. I think the internet is a wonderful thing with so many positives aspects, but social media is a rather depressing and dreary facet of it. (To me).

Flink_Poyd · March 2015

I prefer the old fashioned way of "un-friending" for example "get fu**ed prick" is far more satisfying than clicking a button.
I ditched everything apart from Twitter years ago when I moved back to the UK and I barely use that for anything other than news, deals etc. If someone or something is important to me they'll know

d8m · March 2015

Don't unfriend.

Just delete the entire account and live free of the shackles of social media

Fuzzdog · March 2015

I keep a Facebook account open, but it's only for very close friends and a couple of family members - I think I have 12 people on it, and I'm completely happy with that. I only really use it to read other things and occasionally use the messenger side.

Occasionally I give in and add someone if they won't stop whining about wanting to read all of my hidden secret insights about my life, but they are inevitably disappointed to find out that it basically only contains infrequent photos of my cat.

I have no problems 'unfriending' anyone on social media - if I'm even thinking about doing it, then they're not someone who means enough to me to worry about. Click, gone.

crunchman · March 2015

Facebook is ok if you use it the right way.

I've got old friends who live abroad, and my sister and one of my brothers live 100 miles away so it's quite nice when they post updates so I can keep up with what they are up to.

I'm not on it all the time though. I don't have the mobile app installed on my phone. There's no way I'm giving Facebook permissions to my SMS messages. I normally log in and check it for 5 minutes in the evening, but I don't do that everyday.

You do need to manage your friends though to sort them into the right categories.

TheOtherDennis · March 2015

I originally signed up in 2007. I used it quite closely for about a year, then infrequently for a year, then when I realised I hadn't even looked at it for a year, I simply deleted my account. One or two acquaintances then stopped talking to me because they thought I'd 'unfriended' them, but if they couldn't be arsed to get in touch through normal channels to find out why, then they weren't proper friends in the first place.

I realise it can be extremely useful for some people, but for a sociopath like me it's just a pain in the bum, really. As I frequently said, I'm afraid there are only so many updates on what someone is having for their tea that I can handle.

However, I signed up again last summer when I was in the band. It was supposed to be an efficient way for everyone to keep in touch between rehearsals so that we always knew what we were supposed to be doing, but the singer and other guitarist started ignoring it and making decisions without posting them so I still wound up being left out. When I left the band I deleted my account again.

I used to be on twitter, too, but as I have the ability to start a fight in an empty room, I soon had to quit that, too, cos I'd keep on embarrassing myself.

Having said all that, I have nothing against either platform - if someone tells me they're on them and they work for them, good luck, but they're not for me.

benmurray85 · March 2015

enjoyed this blog. Im currently studying social sciences and althoug we havent covered social media yet Im sure its looming.

Re. FB I held off from joining it for ages and eventually peer pressure and "needing" to use it for bands, gigs etc made me join. I fell into it straight away and was on there a while. Ive come off it now. Not because I dont think its useful or as a badge of honour ("OH facebook? yeah im not on there!") kinda way. I just got really depressed with generic crap that people post on there. I wish as a society we could be a bit more private. for instance I hate that the first thing people can do when theyve had a child is post a picture of a minutes old baby.

However its not likely to change anytime soon but it is fascinating when you dedicate any time to actually thinking about it properly

richardhomer · March 2015

My niece has just joined (under an assumed name - she's in education and wishes to remain untraceable).

I sent her a friend request yesterday which she has so far ignored....

p90fool · March 2015

I use it a fair bit. Like others on here I have a lot of physically distant friends from years of touring and living abroad, and it means I've become good friends with some relatives who previously knew little about me and vice versa.

The best thing about Facebook though is finding out which of those who walk among us are fucking Nazis.

Sassafras · March 2015

I find it invaluable to further my serial killing activities and for finding victims to practice cannibalism on.

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The concept of "un-friending"

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