Silly work questions

Sporky

Where I work is usually refreshingly bullhonky-free, but our newish Sales Director is from a more traditionally sales background and occasionally gets over-excited and thinks that the technical sales team is more sales than technical.

This has manifested itself as a list of questions for which we're meant to prepare answers for an off-site monthly meeting.

- One business achievement that you are most proud of this year to date

- One thing that restricts you doing this on a regular basis

- What makes you get up every morning and come to work for [company name removed]?

- What would you change about your day if you could?

- Apart from family and friends, what is the most important thing to you outside work?

I am struggling not to answer these sarcastically. He is well aware (and very tolerant) of my flippant tendancies, but I was wondering if there's any way to answer these without being a dick?

Also if you have any particularly funny responses I may well steal them.

Axe_meister

One business achievement that you are most proud of this year to date - Not getting found out

- One thing that restricts you doing this on a regular basis Questionnaires like this 

- What makes you get up every morning and come to work for [company name removed]? The wife wants me to earn more money for her handbag collection

- What would you change about your day if you could? Pornhub allowed on work computer

- Apart from family and friends, what is the most important thing to you outside work? Watching porn

Ravenous

Just answer them.

On the "P" word ("Proud"), just put a peg on your nose and interpret this as "money making/time saving" or similar.  The rest of the questions look a bit twaddly but basically OK.

Seriously - as a cynical techy myself, this is your opportunity to tell the guy what you think is wrong, and how you think it can be improved.  (Best look for a way to do it anonymously though, if you don't want this guy becoming your special new friend.)

Legionreturns

- One business achievement that you are most proud of this year to date
Nobody has found the bodies of the previous sales directors yet!

- One thing that restricts you doing this on a regular basis

I like to break them in first, then I get them when they least expect it

- What makes you get up every morning and come to work for [company name removed]?
Having a mortgage, and needing to pay for a constant supply of full plastic sheeting, black industrial strength bin bags, clingfilm and mooring fees
https://gateslearningblog.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/capture.jpg

- What would you change about your day if you could?
Not having to deal with salesy bullshit bingo

- Apart from family and friends, what is the most important thing to you outside work?
My extensive collection of "hobby" tools, and the thrill of the hunt


Too dark?

jellyroll

My advice - if this guy is your boss/superior, don't get cute, just play the game.

richardhomer

jellyroll said:

My advice - if this guy is your boss/superior, don't get cute, just play the game.

Yep - locking horns with bosses never turns out well in my experience....

Steffo

Looks like he is trying to suss out who to get rid of, run!

Sporky

Ta all. He is my boss's boss, but there isn't much hierarchy here, and he has a decent sender of humour.

That said, I think it is worth trying to make it a useful exercise.

beed84

Seems like you're gonna have to play a game of nonsensical hoop jumping. Perhaps do your own satirical version for a bit of fun/relief. Just make sure you hand him the right one...

WezV

jellyroll said:

My advice - if this guy is your boss/superior, don't get cute, just play the game.

This.  

Sounds to me like the questions are coming from the right place.  

Nobody starts a management job thinking "everything here works perfectly and I should just let them carry on as they are".

TheMarlin

Alas, this kind of crap is becoming more common in the world of sales.  New boss reads a bunch of 'Being a leader' books, and thinks he knows it all.  I hate that crap.  I prefer a frank conversation over a beer, and goal that earn me more money if I achieve them.

Sporky

WezV said:

Sounds to me like the questions are coming from the right place.  

I'm sure they are - he is a very decent chap. I just don't know quite how to deal with this sort of question - it seems very interviewish to me, and an interview for a job I wouldn't want.

octatonic

I've seen this sort of thing more than I'd like to in the past.
There are usually only a couple of reasons why these sorts of things happen in companies.
Either the company has a 'self improvement' culture- this can be irritating but you just have to play the game.
Or they are looking for problem people to identify themselves- they can use the data down the line when trying to decide which ones to fire when the cost cutting comes.
I've been on both sides of the fence before- I reckon the best way to play it is to put yourself in them middle of the pack- don't try to stand out too much but don't disappear into the throng of 'everyone else'.

So, don't try to be impressive- try to be open and helpful.

Sporky said:
Where I work is usually refreshingly bullhonky-free, but our newish Sales Director is from a more traditionally sales background and occasionally gets over-excited and thinks that the technical sales team is more sales than technical.
This has manifested itself as a list of questions for which we're meant to prepare answers for an off-site monthly meeting.

- One business achievement that you are most proud of this year to date

Pick an instance where you helped a customer- try to pick one where you went above and beyond your remit.
It is sometimes good to remind sales type people that retaining customers and keeping them happy is more important than meeting a sales target.

- One thing that restricts you doing this on a regular basis

"Sometimes there can be issues with bureaucracy but that is sometimes part and parcel of working in any organisation- one particular example is...'
Pick an example that shows some pointless rubber stamping that wastes time for no benefit and propose a solution.
All organisation have them so it won't be a surprise to have one pointed out.

- What makes you get up every morning and come to work for [company name removed]?

Don't say the money- even as a joke- everyone knows that people only really go to work to get paid.
Don't be the douchebag that feels that ironically pointing that out is somehow funny.

"It is a combination of things- the people and the customers as well as the opportunity to apply my problem solving abilities." is probably a bit insipid but there isn't an easy way to answer it without it sounding trite.

- What would you change about your day if you could?

Everyone else will use this question as an opportunity to bitch about something about their job- don't be one of those people. bring it back to yourself and something you can do to make your day better.
Even if it is something like 'I find my energy levels sometimes flagging during the afternoon- but that is mostly related to diet and exercise. 

I consider it a work in progress.'

If you are severely overworked then maybe mention that sometimes the scheduling can be tricky.

- Apart from family and friends, what is the most important thing to you outside work?

I wouldn't be too personally revealing here.
"There isn't one particular thing- I like to tinker with various things- be it music or building musical instruments.

I get a lot of satisfaction from solving problems."

Sporky

Awesome - thank you @octatonic - with it put that way I can actually think of appropriate answers for all of them.

TTony

^^^

thats boring.



but sensible.  Learn those lines Sporks.

octatonic

No worries mate- happy to help.

I've seen some really shit attempts at 'playing the game' in the past- basically direct quotes from books like 'seven habits of highly effective people'.
They are always good for a laugh.

equalsql

I'd start looking for a new job. When the marketing bullshit starts to bleed into the technical side of the company you know there's a storm brewing and some clueless twunt in HR is trying to protect their job.

Sporky

equalsql said:

I'd start looking for a new job. When the marketing bullshit starts to bleed into the technical side of the company you know there's a storm brewing and some clueless twunt in HR is trying to protect their job.

There's only fiftyish of us, most of whom are installers. We don't have HR.

I don't think this is a 'beginning of the end' sort of thing.

octatonic

Sporky said:

equalsql said:

I'd start looking for a new job. When the marketing bullshit starts to bleed into the technical side of the company you know there's a storm brewing and some clueless twunt in HR is trying to protect their job.

There's only fiftyish of us, most of whom are installers. We don't have HR.

I don't think this is a 'beginning of the end' sort of thing.

Sounds to me like the Sales Director is one of those self improvement nerds.

If you wanted to really play the game then leave it 2-3 months after doing this event and casually drop into conversation how worthwhile you found the experience and how you really think it has changed your focus to look at ways of improving yourself, blah blah blah etc.
Casually put whatever is currently popular in self help circles on your desk.
If he is more sales than support then have a copy of 'The Greatest Salesman in the World' by Og Mandino and be able to pull a couple of quotes out of your ass from time to time.

These guys absolutely LOVE it when they think they have converts and acolytes.
Engage in a bit of behaviour mirroring- not a lot, just a bit.
You'll have to wind back on the sarcasm though, at least during business hours.

You get extra cool points if when he leaves the company to go off and be a CFO of some short-lived start up that you do a great reveal and admit that you were playing him the whole time and you still think it is all bollocks.

You can see why I left corporate life now, can't you?

Sporky

octatonic said:

If he is more sales than support then have a copy of 'The Greatest Salesman in the World' by Og Mandino and be able to pull a couple of quotes out of your ass from time to time.

Hmm. At the moment I have "The Management Secrets of Ghengis Khan", "Beyond The Crime Lab", "Build Your Own Phasers, Lasers and Ion Ray Guns" and "The Science Of Sound" on my desk.

axisus

I hate all that corporate bollocks. We are flooded with it at work these days. the life of a civil servant.