little things online sellers add to their listings that don't do anything for you.

Daved756

+1 for plays like butter. Who wants sticky fingers?

flying_pie

To add to all the above :

"Plays and sounds great. Electrics are a bit scratchy, nut is missing and no output volume but should be an easy fix"

ICBM

Very simply, anything that isn't a boringly factual, accurate and complete description of the item. If I want a story I'll go and read a book.

A lot of things actively put me off, like the already-mentioned "she" and "plays like a greasy dairy product" which in most cases end my interest there and then.

midlifecrisis

"just needs a bit of love and attention"   ie pile of crap falling to pieces .  
"amp havnt been able to test properly"   ie  definately doesnt work as half the components are missing.

adamm82

Oh another one I don't like is them misuse of "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA++++ rated top"

smogmonster

"I am selling my beloved..."

scrumhalf

"Genuine reason for sale".

Phew, what a relief. I'm so tired of people selling guitars because they want to fund a trip to the Moon in an old baked bean tin.

bodhi

"Rare".
"Deserves to be played".
"Best guitar I ever owned".
"Sustains for days".
"Good investment".

But I must admit I've used some of those in the past.  Beat them/join them scenario.

mattacjones

All the above!!
And excessive use of exclamation marks!!
And Hondo strat for sale (prs, Gibson, fender, guild)

 Could be a bit of FB fs thread editing after this

BRISTOL86

mattacjones said:

All the above!!
And excessive use of exclamation marks!!
And Hondo strat for sale (prs, Gibson, fender, guild)

 Could be a bit of FB fs thread editing after this

Absolutely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AllthegearNoidea

Sassafras said:

As soon as they call a guitar 'she' I feel so sick I can't carry on reading all the way through whatever else they say.

This

scrumhalf

AllthegearNoidea said:

Sassafras said:

As soon as they call a guitar 'she' I feel so sick I can't carry on reading all the way through whatever else they say.

This

Can you misgender a guitar?

Gadget

Only listing the model (eg: Stratocaster or Les Paul) and omitting the make (eg: Squier or Epiphone) in the title and description, then cropping all pictures halfway up the headstock, all in the hope you won't notice it's not the expensive one!

StefB

The postage one always gets me. 

"There's no way I'm posting this, but will deliver within 20 miles for the cost of diesel".  Usually from a seller in Cornwall when you live near Scotland.

In other words "Even though it safely found its way to me from China it won't fit in an envelope so I'm too fucking lazy to box it up.  I will reluctantly take more money from you for diesel though to sell you something for which I'm already receiving financial gain".

Clashman

Lol....
https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Unique-bass-guitar-for-people-who-don-t-give-a-sh-t/273037834799?hash=item3f9252ba2f:g:JZMAAOSwYNxaUgHY

Ravenous

"These are made in the same factory as..."

AlexC

Bottom line is - if you want a guitar for the price then you’ll buy it regardless of any phrases, hype, anecdotes or misspellings. Or would people buy a guitar they don’t want because the ad measured up to their personal preferences?

usedtobe

If it’s on Facebook, and they say “inbox me”..

Daved756

usedtobe said:

If it’s on Facebook, and they say “inbox me”..

Are you still talking about guitars?

flying_pie

Clashman said:

Lol....
https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Unique-bass-guitar-for-people-who-don-t-give-a-sh-t/273037834799?hash=item3f9252ba2f:g:JZMAAOSwYNxaUgHY

Tremendous. We need more of those.  The advert that is... not the bass