Livid with childminder

Jalapeno

Sympathise for the parental guilt, bad behaviour and all ...

But this whole thread has gone all Mumsnet !

WiresDreamDisasters

Jalapeno said:

Sympathise for the parental guilt, bad behaviour and all ...

But this whole thread has gone all Mumsnet !

YABU !!

Jimbro66

Jalapeno said:

Sympathise for the parental guilt, bad behaviour and all ...

But this whole thread has gone all Mumsnet !

Fretnet?

alexh

Seems a little bit presumptuous of the child minder but your over reaction seems a bit fucking nuts to be honest. Easily sorted with a quick conversation i'd have thought. Probably not a hanging offence.

DefaultM

alexh said:

Seems a little bit presumptuous of the child minder but your over reaction seems a bit fucking nuts to be honest. Easily sorted with a quick conversation i'd have thought. Probably not a hanging offence.

Obviously not, judging by the numerous replies immediately received in agreement.

ICBM

alexh said:

Seems a little bit presumptuous of the child minder but your over reaction seems a bit fucking nuts to be honest. Easily sorted with a quick conversation i'd have thought. Probably not a hanging offence.

Do you have kids?

alexh

Yes, two, and we have used childminders and nurseries in two different countries. With all of them there have been things to sort out and we removed our eldest from a nursery with whom we couldn't resolve things that concerned us. Overall, maintaining consistency of caregivers had been a guiding principal for us.

Unless there have been other difficulties and concerns going on, sacking someone for a single, relatively trivial event like this is weird and frankly I can't imagine treating any employee like that. Their assumption has made a bit of an ass of them, that's all

I'm sure most parents find that the rare times where you know you will bump into the childminder and your child take a bit of negotiation, normally because it can be confusing for the child who wants to go with their parents and can be upset if they don't. 

I also noted a lot of posters were all too eager to go along with your stance and I thought a bit of a mob mentality was developing about it, which happens on forums just as it does in real life.

jonnyburgo

As I've said, bypass her and report it to Ofsted, she SHOULD be registered with them, If you try to get in contact with her and she's a cunt then she could try to say you've given her abuse/intimidation whatever. Just go straight to Ofsted, fuck her, it was her responsibility to get in touch with you to do any explaining and she hasn't.

monquixote

jonnyburgo said:

As I've said, bypass her and report it to Ofsted, she SHOULD be registered with them, If you try to get in contact with her and she's a cunt then she could try to say you've given her abuse/intimidation whatever. Just go straight to Ofsted, fuck her, it was her responsibility to get in touch with you to do any explaining and she hasn't.

Blimey that's all a bit pitch forks.

How about just giving her a ring having a reasonable conversation and if the explanation isn't satisfactory explaining her services don't meet your needs and will no longer be required

Kilgore

alexh said:

Unless there have been other difficulties and concerns going on, sacking someone for a single, relatively trivial event like this is weird and frankly I can't imagine treating any employee like that. Their assumption has made a bit of an ass of them, that's all

You're right, it's unlikely that you would sack the gardener for a relatively minor transgression, but we're not talking about the gardener are we.
It is inevitable that you will hold a child minder to high standards of professionalism and will be alarmed if, in your mind, those standards are not being met.

Even a relatively "minor" event could result in an irrovacable loss of confidence and trust.

fields5069

This sounds like totally wrong behaviour from the childminder. IMO it's down to her to find out, directly, whether your plans have changed and you want your child back now. It tells you all you need to know about the professionalism of that childminder, so the relationship is broken as far as I'm concerned, even if it's a "genuine mistake".

The whole childminding arrangement is a minefield, for sure. It's basically a cottage industry, I don't know of any childminder who has adequate insurance to deal with non-payment etc. It doesn't seem to be a business which is seen as needing more investment than completing background and safety checks. The childminders I know have had a terrible time chasing payments, when they surely should be obliged to have full insurance covering that side of things, and not expected to have to go through small claims courts.

But that's a different matter, it's all about professionalism on both sides.

Snags

Bit of a side issue, but why on earth should any business need full insurance to cover non-payment?

What they should have is clear T&C and payment arrangements, and a sensible approach to credit control. And ideally be working for parents who don't take the piss by not paying on time.

Sounds more like they need some basic education/training in managing their business finances, not pissing money up the wall on insurance that enables shitty behaviour for others.

ICBM

alexh said:

Unless there have been other difficulties and concerns going on, sacking someone for a single, relatively trivial event like this is weird and frankly I can't imagine treating any employee like that.

I wouldn’t regard it as a ‘single, relatively trivial event’ - in my opinion it was a failure to carry out the required level of care and a lack of understanding of why it matters, which destroys any confidence that they will do the job properly at any other time.

Simon_M

jonnyburgo said:

As I've said, bypass her and report it to Ofsted, she SHOULD be registered with them, If you try to get in contact with her and she's a cunt then she could try to say you've given her abuse/intimidation whatever. Just go straight to Ofsted, fuck her, it was her responsibility to get in touch with you to do any explaining and she hasn't.

Good heavens!

I don’t believe in ruining people’s career (and potentially life). Mistakes are mistakes.

I think earlier up the thread she did explain to the OP what happened. I know our kids are the most precious thing in the world to us (except maybe an R8) but this lady also has children who she needs to clothe and feed and put a roof over. 

jonnyburgo

Simon_M said:

jonnyburgo said:

As I've said, bypass her and report it to Ofsted, she SHOULD be registered with them, If you try to get in contact with her and she's a cunt then she could try to say you've given her abuse/intimidation whatever. Just go straight to Ofsted, fuck her, it was her responsibility to get in touch with you to do any explaining and she hasn't.

Good heavens!

I don’t believe in ruining people’s career (and potentially life). Mistakes are mistakes.

I think earlier up the thread she did explain to the OP what happened. I know our kids are the most precious thing in the world to us (except maybe an R8) but this lady also has children who she needs to clothe and feed and put a roof over. 

I don't believe in ruining careers either, Ofsted will look into it and judge accordingly, if she denies it it may well go no further as there's unlikely to be evidence. what I do believe is that she should know that she has done wrong, she should have completed vocational training, not to mention common sense. A bollocking from an official body will go further than one from a parent who is being a bit uppity. Were not talking about somebody leaving some files unattended or doing a shitty paint job, this is real human kids.

Trust is broken now anyway so you might as well chuck her under the bus before she leaves any other kids to run into the road

DefaultM

ICBM said:

alexh said:

Unless there have been other difficulties and concerns going on, sacking someone for a single, relatively trivial event like this is weird and frankly I can't imagine treating any employee like that.

I wouldn’t regard it as a ‘single, relatively trivial event’ - in my opinion it was a failure to carry out the required level of care and a lack of understanding of why it matters, which destroys any confidence that they will do the job properly at any other time.

Yeah it's this. It's a very large schoolyard and its very full at the time this was. It's not a case of her seeing me and then running over. There's no way my daughter could have seen me from where I was, so her being brought over by another child was intentional. 

The childminder won't explain that. Her reaction was as though she thought the issue was I'm angry about having my kid back a few hours early. 
I think she knew we were down by my sons classroom, sent her daughter over with mine, then watched to see if we'd take her. She absolutely was not where she claims she was. If she was I'd have just played it off like "haha she's come back to us! We're just going to the supermarket, we'll come for her at the usual time". 

When it was clarified that I was upset that she didn't have adult supervision and she wasn't even in view, she just said sorry I thought nothing of it. Then in an absolutely bizarre move she started a Facebook group message with my wife and another (uninvolved) mum and started talking about it in there.

Just told my wife to stay out of it and not respond. I've had a look at the contract and she's put 'ad hoc as needed' on it for some reason, so she's not needed anymore.

beed84

alexh said:

Seems a little bit presumptuous of the child minder but your over reaction seems a bit fucking nuts to be honest. Easily sorted with a quick conversation i'd have thought. Probably not a hanging offence.

It’s interesting how some people are willing to lose it if their steak arrives medium-rare, not rare; or make an official complaint about poor customer service if they don’t get their own way; or head straight to trip advisor to write a terrible review of the place they’ve visited because something wasn’t quite right. These examples are mostly justified by many; yet when it comes to the welfare of a 2 year old child coupled with the nonchalant actions exhibited by the childminder, who, for a brief moment in time didn’t do the one task she was employed to do and wrongly assumed the situation before going on to delegate responsibility to her own minor without offering any explanation, the father’s reaction is deemed “a bit fucking nuts”? Seriously, I’ve heard it all. And in all honesty, I think he has an absolute right to be.

ToneControl

Jimbro66 said:

Jalapeno said:

Sympathise for the parental guilt, bad behaviour and all ...

But this whole thread has gone all Mumsnet !

Fretnet?

I've called this forum "guitar mums" for years

alexh

Try as hard as you like to spin it as a blue light safeguarding emergency justifying this apoplectic nonsense. Doesn't wash with me., 

TheMarlin

So much butthurt over a misunderstanding 
get over yourself.  

Sort it out with her face to face, and save us from this tedium.  Reporting her to Offstead because of a misunderstanding says more about you than her. 

and yes, before you ask, I have kids....and a grandchild on the way.