Livid with childminder

Kebabkid

You're now 18 hrs in - I think it's time to come off here and have the conversation with your childminder and as someone said, face to face would probably be better.

I hope it gets resolved to your satisfaction and all the best with it. Children's safety has always got to come first

Nikko

Kilgore said:

Makes you wonder what kind of cavalier attitude to looking after kids she has when you're not there.

Get rid.

Yeah, this.

Blueingreen

It’s amazing how our attitudes to this kind of thing have changed in a generation or two. My parents would have seen nothing much wrong with this.

Purely by coincidence I came across this passage in a novel I was reading yesterday (Time Will Darken It by William Maxwell).

”When Mary Caroline was seven years old she stopped playing with dolls and instead haunted any house on Elm Street where there was a baby. In dozens of ways she conveyed her dependability with the result that, when other girls were playing jackstraws or skipping rope, she was wheeling a baby carriage up and down the shady sidewalks, tipping the carriage to produce a toothless smile and a crinkling of tiny eyelids, jiggling the carriage when the baby fretted ..”

This was published in 1948 and set in conservative, well-to-do small town America (Maxwell was quite posh, and that was the world he knew). None of the characters saw anything wrong in putting babies in the charge of a 7 year old girl.

DefaultM

Ive sent a message just to acknowledge the situation, because I agree it's been 18 hours and I can't leave it any longer.

Not sure I understand her reply so my wife will speak to her in person at school today.
She says that she was still at the other end of the school yard up the stairs and was watching to see if we would take her. Then she saw us walk off with her on my shoulders.
That's true, so she must still have been there. Makes sense that I couldn't see her but she could see us, if she had a vantage point.
Doesn't explain why she let my 2 year old go down the stairs to another section of the school yard though. It's a significant distance. If she hadn't made it to us and someone snatched her or she got hurt she'd have needed to sprint, but wouldn't have been able to while she's looking after other kids.

joneve

This situation completely baffles me and is why I'm wary of sending my child to a "childminder" instead of an actual nursery environment. 

I'm sure they're not all like this, but to me it's glorified baby sitting with no control over whether my child will be kept in a safe environment or not (i.e. if he/she wanted to take my kid to the park (which is perfectly reasonable to do so), I have no control over which park, who else will be there and whether my child would be safe. At least at nursery, they go outside to the garden, it's completely enclosed and under a watchful eye of at least 2 of the staff. 

JezWynd

joneve said:

This situation completely baffles me and is why I'm wary of sending my child to a "childminder" instead of an actual nursery environment. 

I'm sure they're not all like this, but to me it's glorified baby sitting with no control over whether my child will be kept in a safe environment or not (i.e. if he/she wanted to take my kid to the park (which is perfectly reasonable to do so), I have no control over which park, who else will be there and whether my child would be safe. At least at nursery, they go outside to the garden, it's completely enclosed and under a watchful eye of at least 2 of the staff. 

I've known a couple of childminders and they were superb child carers. I'd rather have my child in a family centred environment than with some of the nursery environments I've come across. Specially those ones conveniently located in town centres so that your child can breathe in traffic all day long.

joneve

JezWynd said:

joneve said:

This situation completely baffles me and is why I'm wary of sending my child to a "childminder" instead of an actual nursery environment. 

I'm sure they're not all like this, but to me it's glorified baby sitting with no control over whether my child will be kept in a safe environment or not (i.e. if he/she wanted to take my kid to the park (which is perfectly reasonable to do so), I have no control over which park, who else will be there and whether my child would be safe. At least at nursery, they go outside to the garden, it's completely enclosed and under a watchful eye of at least 2 of the staff. 

I've known a couple of childminders and they were superb child carers. I'd rather have my child in a family centred environment than with some of the nursery environments I've come across. Specially those ones conveniently located in town centres so that your child can breathe in traffic all day long.

Oh of course. I'm not suggesting that all nurseries are the Utopia of childcare...we visited a number when looking for a place for our boy, and dismissed them very quickly for various reasons (location being one)

And as I said above, I'm not suggesting that all Childminders are terrible child carers, just going on what I've seen and observed locally. I do, infact, have a friend who is a registered childminder, but she lives 200 miles away so it's not practical to use her services  

DefaultM

We used to take her to a nursery and it was great, no complaints whatsoever. We switched to childminder because it was significantly cheaper and we thought she'd get more one on one time. It seemed like a better option for cheaper.

I'm now realising I've no idea what goes on in her house. She's obviously got her own thoughts on what's acceptable, and they don't match mine at all. If I'm looking after my daughter then I'm looking after her. I let her wander about wherever she wants within reason, but I'm always following her within an arms length away to pick her up if needed.
It never entered my mind that someone else would relax that. If anything I thought it would be more strict, because no one wants to lose someone else's child.

joneve

DefaultM said:

We used to take her to a nursery and it was great, no complaints whatsoever. We switched to childminder because it was significantly cheaper and we thought she'd get more one on one time. It seemed like a better option for cheaper.

I'm now realising I've no idea what goes on in her house. She's obviously got her own thoughts on what's acceptable, and they don't match mine at all. If I'm looking after my daughter then I'm looking after her. I let her wander about wherever she wants within reason, but I'm always following her within an arms length away to pick her up if needed.
It never entered my mind that someone else would relax that. If anything I thought it would be more strict, because no one wants to lose someone else's child.

Basically this. 

Unless I know the childminder, I'd have to do research and want to observe what they do/how they document things and how they deal with child development in key areas. We have parents evening (FFS!) three times a year and get a folder with all of the things he's created in that school year (that haven't been sent home as "gifts" already) that we can keep. Along with regular updates to an online portal thingy. Not sure if all childminders offer such things or not? and I'm not saying that it's required or is for everyone, but it's nice to know they are actively creating and doing activities to help progress his development at an early age (and you can see the evidence of it in how he's growing mentally and physically) 

Mark1960

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DefaultM

Mark1960 said:

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Yeah, but my wife started going on about needing a job to feel valued and for socialising. Guilted me in to telling her where the keys to her shackles were.

Matt_McG

Our son goes to a child minder a couple of evenings a week after school. I absolutely couldn't fault her. He loves spending time there, and she's a registered teacher (as well as a child minder), and he regularly comes home with his homework for school done, and some craft project he's made there. I know he also occasionally gets a bit of TV time there, but, I've seen real positive changes in the time he's spent with her.

We get similar updates from her that we would get from school. Which, I guess, is not surprising, since she still occasionally teaches the same age group (as a supply teacher).

I think it is a bit of luck, and a bit of careful vetting, to get a good one.

joneve

Matt_McG said:

Our son goes to a child minder a couple of evenings a week after school. I absolutely couldn't fault her. He loves spending time there, and she's a registered teacher (as well as a child minder), and he regularly comes home with his homework for school done, and some craft project he's made there. I know he also occasionally gets a bit of TV time there, but, I've seen real positive changes in the time he's spent with her.

We get similar updates from her that we would get from school. Which, I guess, is not surprising, since she still occasionally teaches the same age group (as a supply teacher).

I think it is a bit of luck, and a bit of careful vetting, to get a good one.

oh no! What horror!  

Nikko

Its a bit of a minefield in all honesty. We are currently on our 4th childminder, and now both feel our daughter is looked after as we would look after her. We did plenty of vetting when employing the previous ones, but that didn't stop them being rubbish.

munckee

Mark1960 said:

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A good point well made

Matt_McG

@joneve Well, some child minders just park them in front of the telly. He gets enough telly at other times, so I'd prefer he didn't watch too much when he's elsewhere. A bit is fine. But, like a lot of kids, he'd watch TV all the time if he had the chance.

Mark1960

munckee said:

Mark1960 said:

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A good point well made

Nice one!  Sorry - I was going to comment, but then thought better of it, and couldn't delete the post so edited as best as I could.

WiresDreamDisasters

Our childminder has been great, nothing like this. Proper meet ups and what not.

She's being a bit funny about the free 30 hours a week thing from next year though. She's not sure she wants to do it because apparently the government aren't quick enough to pay.

I want my daughter to maintain the relationship for another year, because she's already seeming quite advanced for her age. Learning bits of Spanish and Czech on top of her English and Japanese, and generally having her numbers and colours down and what not.

I look at the nursery across the road from us, and it just looks like a smoggy baby prison. Not into the idea. But not sure what to do really, force the issue or find another childminder. 

Anyway... sympathize with OP for sure, but a great childminder can be much better for an individual child than a nursery. I don't buy the "additional socialisation" argument. They get better socialisation by having a small unit of close friends and adults IMHO.

joneve

Matt_McG said:

@joneve Well, some child minders just park them in front of the telly. He gets enough telly at other times, so I'd prefer he didn't watch too much when he's elsewhere. A bit is fine. But, like a lot of kids, he'd watch TV all the time if he had the chance.

Aye, I know what you mean. Was more a poke at the perfect parents who think having their kids watch any amount of tv is somehow detrimental and considered bad parenting. 

hollywoodrox

Blueingreen said:

It’s amazing how our attitudes to this kind of thing have changed in a generation or two. My parents would have seen nothing much wrong with this.

Purely by coincidence I came across this passage in a novel I was reading yesterday (Time Will Darken It by William Maxwell).

”When Mary Caroline was seven years old she stopped playing with dolls and instead haunted any house on Elm Street where there was a baby. In dozens of ways she conveyed her dependability with the result that, when other girls were playing jackstraws or skipping rope, she was wheeling a baby carriage up and down the shady sidewalks, tipping the carriage to produce a toothless smile and a crinkling of tiny eyelids, jiggling the carriage when the baby fretted ..”

This was published in 1948 and set in conservative, well-to-do small town America (Maxwell was quite posh, and that was the world he knew). None of the characters saw anything wrong in putting babies in the charge of a 7 year old girl.

I remember as a lad of 7 being left in charge of my mums friends baby til her dad came home as my mum and her friend had to go sorting/packing Brussels sprouts , the baby was not very old as it was still in a pram. My task was to feed the baby it’s milk if it woke or cried   While I quietly watched jackanory, wacky races etc.   Different times  but good times too