Annoying corporate speak alternatives

Wolfetone

I came across this list of annoying or hackneyed corporate expressions. We've all used most of them from time to time but as I went down the list, I was trying come up with some equally good, just as economical and appropriate alternatives to some of the expressions. It was tough. For example, what's an alternative to 'add value'? I can't think of one.

Here's the list. Help me out. To avoid clumsiness, your alternative mustn't have more than one extra word.

1. Best in class
2. Value add
3. Game changer
4. Action plan
5. On the same page
6. Game plan
7. Thought leadership
8. Brainstorm
9. Price point
10. Organic growth
11. Deep dive
12. Customer centric
13. In the pipeline
14. Hit the ground running
15. Moving parts
16. Bring to the table
17. Bang for your buck
18. Laser focused
19. Move the needle
20. In the driver's seat
21. Gatekeeper
22. Low hanging fruit
23. Lean in
24. Jump ship
25. Results driven
26. Flesh out
27. Up the ladder
28. Bells and whistles
29. All hands on deck
30. Loop in
31. Nuts and bolts
32. Smoke and mirrors
33. Drill down
34. Back to the drawing board
35. Action item
36. Window of opportunity
37. Out of the loop
38. Pain point
39. Think outside the box
40. Reinvent the wheel

  

Wolfetone

....and it mustn't be another well known corporate expression either....

Wolfetone

...but can be as hilarious as you like...

WiresDreamDisasters

"synergize" and "cadence" are the two worst offenders in my neck of the woods.

stickyfiddle

I don't think "Add Value" is particularly corporate-speak. In fact half of that list aren't really.

But you're going to have to leverage some synergies if you want people to revert back with blue sky thinking. You just have to reimagine the possible... 

Philtre

> For example, what's an alternative to 'add value'? I can't think of one.

I hate that phrase. Doesn't it just mean "be useful"?

thecolourbox

I'll try but I'll have to Google some as to what they intend to mean

1. Best in class - best
2. Value add - improve
3. Game changer - improvement (significant)
4. Action plan - plan
5. On the same page - agree
6. Game plan - plan
7. Thought leadership - just don't use it
8. Brainstorm - a think
9. Price point - price
10. Organic growth - compost heap
11. Deep dive - look into
12. Customer centric - pointless to define it because stuff should already be
13. In the pipeline - on the way
14. Hit the ground running - get on with it
15. Moving parts - what on earth?
16. Bring to the table - what are your thoughts
17. Bang for your buck - value
18. Laser focused - what?
19. Move the needle - progress (had to Google what that meant)
20. In the driver's seat - leading
21. Gatekeeper - no idea
22. Low hanging fruit - easy win
23. Lean in - tower of Pisa
24. Jump ship - left
25. Results driven - as opposed to what?
26. Flesh out - detail
27. Up the ladder - don't look this one up on urban dictionary
28. Bells and whistles - trims or features
29. All hands on deck - don't use this ever because it usually means somebody has left so there are less people to do more work
30. Loop in - ask
31. Nuts and bolts - are components
32. Smoke and mirrors - lies
33. Drill down - look into
34. Back to the drawing board - start again
35. Action item - what to do
36. Window of opportunity - think this one is ok?
37. Out of the loop - not here
38. Pain point - is that aka Death by PowerPoint?
39. Think outside the box - be creative
40. Reinvent the wheel - impossible to say any alternative to this without sounding like a smug tit

I've failed Spiv class haven't I

Philtre

And I absolutely fucking hate "thought leader". In my profession I personally know people who call themselves a "thought leader". No, you're not a "thought leader", you're a wanker.

sev112

I’ve passed through that phase in my career now, and just a moany old git 

i ask staff to get it right, and make a difference 
And if they have a good attitude while they do that, I’m happy

thecolourbox

Philtre said:

And I absolutely fucking hate "thought leader". In my profession I personally know people who call themselves a "thought leader". No, you're not a "thought leader", you're a wanker.

And while there are tossers coming up with stuff like that, the UK remains consistently behind other major developed countries in terms of productivity. Who knew!

Kilgore

Thought leader? Wtf. It sounds like something from Mao's Cultural Revolution.

ICBM

1. Bollocks
2. Bollocks
3. Bollocks
4. Bollocks
5. Bollocks
6. Bollocks
7. Bollocks
8. Bollocks
9. Bollocks
10. Bollocks
11. Bollocks
12. Bollocks
13. Bollocks
14. Bollocks
15. Bollocks
16. Bollocks
17. Bollocks
18. Bollocks
19. Bollocks
20. Bollocks
21. Bollocks
22. Bollocks
23. Bollocks
24. Bollocks
25. Bollocks
26. Bollocks
27. Bollocks
28. Bollocks
29. Bollocks
30. Bollocks
31. Bollocks
32. Bollocks
33. Bollocks
34. Bollocks
35. Bollocks
36. Bollocks
37. Bollocks
38. Bollocks
39. Bollocks
40. Bollocks

If more explanation is required, the word 'utter' may preface any of these terms to make them more specific.

steveledzep

sev112 said:

I’ve passed through that phase in my career now, and just a moany old git 

Me too.....retired at the beginning of the year.  I wonder how I ever had time to go to work ?  I didn't use those expressions, well maybe just a few, but generally I agree with @ICBM .

fandango

ICBM said:

1. Bollocks
2. Bollocks
3. Bollocks
4. Bollocks
5. Bollocks
6. Bollocks
7. Bollocks
8. Bollocks
9. Bollocks
10. Bollocks
11. Bollocks
12. Bollocks
13. Bollocks
14. Bollocks
15. Bollocks
16. Bollocks
17. Bollocks
18. Bollocks
19. Bollocks
20. Bollocks
21. Bollocks
22. Bollocks
23. Bollocks
24. Bollocks
25. Bollocks
26. Bollocks
27. Bollocks
28. Bollocks
29. Bollocks
30. Bollocks
31. Bollocks
32. Bollocks
33. Bollocks
34. Bollocks
35. Bollocks
36. Bollocks
37. Bollocks
38. Bollocks
39. Bollocks
40. Bollocks

If more explanation is required, the word 'utter' may preface any of these terms to make them more specific.

Sorry, the answer to Nr 8 should be Hawkwind. 

sweepy

“Associates”, really grinds my gears, 

ThePrettyDamned

To be honest, a lot of those on that list are just useful real words...

It's not mad to say, "we don't need to reinvent the wheel". Bang for buck is not exactly corporate either. 

Even synergy is a real, and useful, word. I did think nexus was odd, and perhaps not especially useful... 

LuttiS

Yah yah yah, sounds like we need to hop outside the ole' boxeroo and connect for a telecomphraíse.. i'll have my peoplerino's catch your cats on the flip flopero. Ciao for now! 

Musicwolf

I’ve had enough of the corporate world and this Christmas I’ll be taking early retirement.  My successor used the expression ‘Thought Leader’ in her first presentation to her new (my old) team.  Today there was talk of a ‘Win Plan’.  In my day a win plan consisted of me going out and winning the business (and then being insufferable for a few days whilst I crowed about it).

historyisjunk

A lot of stinkers in that list, but also some of them are now so archaic that they have lost their potency. e.g "Back to the drawing board" isn't something I remember using, but I don't think I'd think here comes the bullshit if someone used it. Though perhaps some people did when first coined.  I'm assuming it still means start again, of course.

The list really needs to include:

"going forward"-  In the future, looking ahead, from now on..

"issues around"- questions about, problems with..

Have also noticed some politicians & commentators have discovered "Turbo charged", presumably meaning faster, better more powerful. Interesting to reflect here that the engine device uses waste gases to produce its effects.

Sassafras

Curated. Everything's bloody curated these days.
It's not chosen, selected, assembled, gathered, collected, designated. It's always bloody curated. What, has everyone only just discovered the sodding word?

Sassafras

I'll just run this by you.
You can run it up your arse you pretentious twat.