Children terrify me

tbm

JAYJO said:

imo.  Your open and honest.You can have it all. A child/children/kids will not end your happiness. Your not on your own and eventually there could be more than two of you making your house a happy home!. If its what your wife really wants then i would take it as a compliment she wants her children with you. Now go ride Bare back you big stud muffin .

HA! He's right you know @Adam_MC. What I've gleaned from you posts is that you're in a strong loving relationship, and you have the same reservations about being a dad as many of us have had. IF you do decide to go down the road of having a kid your love for your partner puts you in a position of strength to begin with that many couples don't have.

BloodEagle

Dude just do it and stop faffing. Its not a want that is going to go away for her, so you either split up or have kids, and youve said you're not splitting up, so get on with it

fretmeister

Having kids was the best thing I ever did.

They are 11 and 8 now and I'm still petrified about looking after them properly. I imagine that will stop when I'm dead.

But if it's not for you that's fine - don't bring kids into the world if you don't want them. It's not fair on the kids.

Bogwhoppit

Fretwired said:

Bogwhoppit said:

Fretwired said:

 Mine have left home so it's not forever ...

Unless things change, If your children enter the work place on the average wage, the chances are they will be with you for life - along with their kids. So many of my friends have children approaching their 30s who are unable to afford privately rented accommodation, let alone save for a deposit and secure a mortgage.

The extended family is not always harmonious.

You're a bundle of joy.

I'm a bit negative at the moment, both my girls are independent, but there's an issues with the lad. I like you, gave the girls a little push and lots of support. The lad wants everything on a plate.

frankus

I think society is a bit odd these days - a woman wo went on Oprah and said "why shouldn't you love your partner more than your kids?" ended getting death threats.

Adam_MD

frankus;427312" said:

I think society is a bit odd these days - a woman wo went on Oprah and said "why shouldn't you love your partner more than your kids?" ended getting death threats.

I think your problem was watching Oprah

ICBM

Strat_a_tat_tat said:

That said... I know plenty of blokes that didn't want kids... but now have kids and wouldn't change a thing.

That's me too.

I finally agreed to have kids much against my better judgement while drunk, and because I believe in going through with promises, I couldn't back out. I expected my formerly stable, happy life to just end, basically.

It was the best thing I've ever done.

lloyd

Adam_MD;427202" said:

[quote="strumjoughlamps;427164"]yeah I wasn't one for wanting kids, then we had 1, then 2 then 7 years after that a 3rd which I really didn't want that one hence the 7 year gap... but they are blooming awesome and I would not change any time I have spent with them for anything else, its been absolutely amazin yes some ups and downs and frustrations and lifestyle changes..

you absolutely 100% owe it to your wife to have a talk so you can sort things out and still have time to find the happiness you both want elsewhere.... its long overdue IMO.

We will not be splitting up period. If it came down to having an army of kids or losing her? Then sign me up soldier.

I wanted to see if anyone else was in the same mindset as me.

Thanks to most of you who replied @holnrew out of order dude. [/quote]

Looks like your minds made up then mate-chances are you be like the millions of other blokes who didn't want them as they get in the way, smell, are loud, expensive, sticky etc etc (me included) then be totally made up you had them (or just one no pressure) good luck!

Axe_meister

Having kids is the best way to stay a kid.

But why no try a dog to start with, in some ways very much like being a parent.

a) It might help you come around to the idea

b) Your other half way well end up compromising

Sometime I feel our dogs get more attention than the kids

(then again my 16 year old daughter has left the human race)

lloyd

Dunno what happened there-phone malfunction or something. My points valid if you can understand it!!

randomhandclaps

Where's that dude who when @Drew_FX said he didn't want kids told him he was impotent and needed to man up and do it or his Mrs would 'go out and find a real man'?  He's usually good for a few inspirational words a tricky times like these.

VimFuego

not sure I agree with the dog suggestions, I've not met the woman who carry a litter of puppies to term and it raises all sorts of ethical and biological issues. Best stick to what's natural IMO.

Drew_TNBD

Wrong forum to look for sympathy on this issue.

Adam_MD

@randomhandclaps Sounds like something sambostar would have said.

Drew_TNBD

randomhandclaps said:

Where's that dude who when @Drew_FX said he didn't want kids told him he was impotent and needed to man up and do it or his Mrs would 'go out and find a real man'?  He's usually good for a few inspirational words a tricky times like these.

I don't remember who that was. Was it Jetfire?

randomhandclaps

Drew_fx said:

randomhandclaps said:

Where's that dude who when @Drew_FX said he didn't want kids told him he was impotent and needed to man up and do it or his Mrs would 'go out and find a real man'?  He's usually good for a few inspirational words a tricky times like these.

I don't remember who that was. Was it Jetfire?

No, it was the shotgun and German Shepard guy. 

randomhandclaps

Adam_MD said:

@randomhandclaps Sounds like something sambostar would have said.

Yeah but there would have been a little bit of Sambo who was joking, this was serious.

Adam_MD

Drew_fx;427380" said:

Wrong forum to look for sympathy on this issue.

Im not looking for sympathy just asking if anyone else was in the same position as me. Most of the responses have been very helpful. I do actually feel a bit better.

EricTheWeary

I've done basically the same job for 21 years ( not quite true but it'll simplify the rest of my winding, pointless anecdotes if you just accept that as fact) and always worked mostly with women. So, I've known dozens of young women who say ( usually unprompted) they are determined to never have children who turn into slightly older women who go off on maternity leave. Presumably quite a few of them have partners in a similar position to the OP. Culturally I think we find it odd these days to find young women who want children and feel they should finish their education, start a career, travel the world,etc, first so this seems, to me, almost to be a cultural norm now ( paired with tutting at teenage pregnancy). As for me,I think I was almost entirely without opinion on the subject and we had Eric Jr. Sometime later MrsTheWeary suggested another baby and I objected to the idea. In an attempt to cool down a heated debate about the subject I said okay we could have a second but if it was a boy his middle name would have to be Philip. [ honestly, this is a true story] We now have Eric Jr. aged 18 and Eric JrJr Philip TheWeary aged 14. I have no interest in other people's kids and generally they drive me around the bend but I love Eric Jr and EricJrJr Philip despite having to be their butler/ chauffeur / provider.

Alnico

@Adam_MD

Have you both considered becoming Foster Parents for a couple of years?

It is not only providing a vital service to the children who are already born and living lives that they didn't ask for but nevertheless got and giving them some love in an otherwise bleak existence, but also would give you both some 1st hand experience of what it's like to hold someone's life in your actual hands, whatever age that child may be.

To put it another way, you can't really go wrong by doing this and you can only ever do some good for someone who WILL need it and at the same time you both get to see exactly what you're letting yourself in for.

I personally admire you for taking on this decision and especially for your determination to not split up but instead of making it an issue between you, you could both hold each other hands (metaphorically) and explore this.

With respect, i hope this helps.