Children terrify me

Adam_MD

Legionreturns said:

3 tips for you to get ready for parenthood: 

1 - Take a goat shopping with you. Pay for anything it eats / destroys while you're not looking

2 - Suspend a watermelon from your ceiling on a bit of string. Hollow it out and make a hole in the side roughly the size of a golf ball. Now swing it wildly and try to feed it cornflakes and beetroot. Deal with / pay for the mess

3 - Throw away your address book and delete all your contacts and don't go out. Post nothing but baby pics on fb and see who remains on your friend list 

You're welcome 

Lol awesome 

JAYJO

Adam_MD said:

JAYJO said:

Happened to me a couple of years ago.
Sold most of my pedals and a couple of guitars. Managed to keep some stuff in the back room (packed away). This was my 3rd. Ive now got a 23 year old (lives with her mum but still thinks im her bank manager) a 7 year old whos crap at lego but wants as much as he can get his hands on ,not to mention xbox and tablet etc. And Then theres the BABY!! .So when im not busy trying to do lego and hiding from my eldest daughter the BABY !! is busy kicking my arse. 
 i thank god i have a job but wish i had longer hours. Be afraid mate be very afraid. Say goodbye to all your mates ,they wont save you. ps Get a tommy tippee milk machine ,it wont save you but every little helps.  ps  Congratulations. Merry Christmas.

I’m hopefully not selling any of my gear my work from home ‘office’ can be the babies room so I’ll still have a lair to keep my guitars, amp and pedals in.  I’m not sure a 212 deville is going to be very suitable as a home amp anymore though :-). 

I got more into Reaper and amplitube 3. Zoom pedal etc. set up on the dining room table with the Lap top and headphones. I got myself a home recording book and was in my element.(There is always something you can do to keep your hand in. ) Then she went and got herself preggars again!. 
I should have divorced her really but then whos gonna put the bins out. 
Any way the good news is all my gear that has been stored away is new to me now and im more enthusiastic than ever. 
Christmas(i mean life ) is never how it used to be but in a great way.

munckee

Took me 9 years to get back to properly playing guitar again once the kids came along.  My son has put a big gouge in my satin finished simon and patrick acoustic and knocked my THR5 off a table onto a wooden floor denting it, still works, looks hideous.  My son waits for me to start playing before coming into whatever room I'm in and saying he "needs" it.  Every time I put aside money for a guitar purchase one of them needs a bike or an ipad or a school trip etc.

Wouldn't have it any other way!

joneve

Teetonetal said:

TTBZ said:

Congrats! You'll be fine.. I was in a similar predicament but maybe not quite so against it. As it turns out it's actually pretty good, just hard. Really hard. Especially if like me you like having a bit of time to yourself. Mines 10 months old and we've both agreed we don't want another for a while! Tbh I can't wait til he's a bit older so we can interact a bit more and do something more fun than sitting on the floor passing him things to chew and dribble all over. 

Say goodbye to having time to play though - I manage about 10 minutes a week unless I have band practice (which i can't do every week either)! 

In perspective, I play 2-3 hours most days and ave 2 kids (4 and 15 months). It's about planning and working out what is important. I normally play 10pm till midnight.

This is what pisses me off. I'm just about to become a dad for the first time (wife is due on Sunday), and I've had nothing but the smug parents that think they know it all give me 8 months of "LOL, say goodbye to life and no sleep for the next 18 years!". I've just spent the last few weeks finally finishing my RetroPie machine build for retro gaming and have family and friends laughing at my expense because I "won't have any time to play this once the baby arrives"

I'm under no illusions that being a parent is hard and the sleep deprivation will be hard, but we got the same bullshit when we were talking about getting a dog; "it's a big responsibility", "you're life will change forever", "you won't be able to be as social as you are now"....

Two years down the line, and my life hasn't changed AT ALL, except for having to wake up early to walk the dog every day (or most days) and having to spend an hour or so at night walking her as well...but I enjoy it, and it gets me more exercise. When she's not being a little cunt, she's the absolute best and would do it all again...but most importantly, I'm no less social than I was (nor is my wife) and we just include the dog in most things we do if we can, because she's well(ish) trained and not a twat when out in public. 

Now, I know kids is different, but you adjust, integrate and mould them to your life as much as possible. Shock horror, our friends have a 12 week(ish) old little girl and the dad went to watch a live rugby game a matter of weeks after her birth! I've even seen, and played golf with another friend who has a 7 week old little boy since he became a dad; And as far as I recall, babies sleep, so finding 20 minutes to fire through a few levels of Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 once a week or so shouldn't be too difficult if I plan accordingly.

As far as our social life goes, It will probably help that a lot of our friends have (by coincidence) had kids within 3 months of us expecting, so we'll just become those annoying bellends who go out with their babies and take up large portions of public places with our "travel systems"...But one thing I'm sure of, is I won't give the smug cunts the satisfaction of seeing me struggle, so will always strive to be positive and re-assure them that raising a puppy is twice as hard  

@Adam_MD, congrats sir! I was the opposite to you - I went from REALLLY wanting kids when I was younger (and my wife never wanting kids when we first met), to not being overly bothered by it and being put off by it because I have family and friends who have kids, and they're really fucking annoying, and my wife actually coming round to the idea of having kids.

All the best with everything! 

The last 9 months have been a monumental struggle for us as my wife has suffered with sickness and nausea the entire time (as some will know) and has had to take cyclizine to try and kerb it for the whole of her pregnancy...and just recently she's now broken out in a horribly uncomfortable rash, so although she admits she's terrified of the process of labour, she's ready for him to be out now.

I can't pretend I'm not nervous about becoming a dad, but I'm also excited for what's to come...With the exception of the cord stump rotting before dropping off - the thought of which terrifies me more than anything!  

munckee

joneve said:

Teetonetal said:

TTBZ said:

Congrats! You'll be fine.. I was in a similar predicament but maybe not quite so against it. As it turns out it's actually pretty good, just hard. Really hard. Especially if like me you like having a bit of time to yourself. Mines 10 months old and we've both agreed we don't want another for a while! Tbh I can't wait til he's a bit older so we can interact a bit more and do something more fun than sitting on the floor passing him things to chew and dribble all over. 

Say goodbye to having time to play though - I manage about 10 minutes a week unless I have band practice (which i can't do every week either)! 

In perspective, I play 2-3 hours most days and ave 2 kids (4 and 15 months). It's about planning and working out what is important. I normally play 10pm till midnight.

This is what pisses me off. I'm just about to become a dad for the first time (wife is due on Sunday), and I've had nothing but the smug parents that think they know it all give me 8 months of "LOL, say goodbye to life and no sleep for the next 18 years!". I've just spent the last few weeks finally finishing my RetroPie machine build for retro gaming and have family and friends laughing at my expense because I "won't have any time to play this once the baby arrives"

I'm under no illusions that being a parent is hard and the sleep deprivation will be hard, but we got the same bullshit when we were talking about getting a dog; "it's a big responsibility", "you're life will change forever", "you won't be able to be as social as you are now"....

Two years down the line, and my life hasn't changed AT ALL, except for having to wake up early to walk the dog every day (or most days) and having to spend an hour or so at night walking her as well...but I enjoy it, and it gets me more exercise. When she's not being a little cunt, she's the absolute best and would do it all again...but most importantly, I'm no less social than I was (nor is my wife) and we just include the dog in most things we do if we can, because she's well(ish) trained and not a twat when out in public. 

Now, I know kids is different, but you adjust, integrate and mould them to your life as much as possible. Shock horror, our friends have a 12 week(ish) old little girl and the dad went to watch a live rugby game a matter of weeks after her birth! I've even seen, and played golf with another friend who has a 7 week old little boy since he became a dad; And as far as I recall, babies sleep, so finding 20 minutes to fire through a few levels of Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 once a week or so shouldn't be too difficult if I plan accordingly.

As far as our social life goes, It will probably help that a lot of our friends have (by coincidence) had kids within 3 months of us expecting, so we'll just become those annoying bellends who go out with their babies and take up large portions of public places with our "travel systems"...But one thing I'm sure of, is I won't give the smug cunts the satisfaction of seeing me struggle, so will always strive to be positive and re-assure them that raising a puppy is twice as hard  

@Adam_MD, congrats sir! I was the opposite to you - I went from REALLLY wanting kids when I was younger (and my wife never wanting kids when we first met), to not being overly bothered by it and being put off by it because I have family and friends who have kids, and they're really fucking annoying, and my wife actually coming round to the idea of having kids.

All the best with everything! 

The last 9 months have been a monumental struggle for us as my wife has suffered with sickness and nausea the entire time (as some will know) and has had to take cyclizine to try and kerb it for the whole of her pregnancy...and just recently she's now broken out in a horribly uncomfortable rash, so although she admits she's terrified of the process of labour, she's ready for him to be out now.

I can't pretend I'm not nervous about becoming a dad, but I'm also excited for what's to come...With the exception of the cord stump rotting before dropping off - the thought of which terrifies me more than anything!  

Any downsides are irrelevant to the upsides.  You can mold kids round your life or your life round them.  My advice is get knee deep in everything baths, bum changing, bottle feeding (if you go that route other methods of feeding small people are available) its just the best.  Your social life just changes its kids parties and bonfire nights rather than pubs and meals.  I love it.

Hope everything goes well and everyone is healthy.  Keep yourself well fed and rested (your wife too of course) in the days running up as you could easily find yourself doing a 24 hour stint with no food or sleep.

Octafish

joneve said:

This is what pisses me off. I'm just about to become a dad for the first time (wife is due on Sunday), and I've had nothing but the smug parents that think they know it all give me 8 months of "LOL, say goodbye to life and no sleep for the next 18 years!". I've just spent the last few weeks finally finishing my RetroPie machine build for retro gaming and have family and friends laughing at my expense because I "won't have any time to play this once the baby arrives"

I'm under no illusions that being a parent is hard and the sleep deprivation will be hard, but we got the same bullshit when we were talking about getting a dog; "it's a big responsibility", "you're life will change forever", "you won't be able to be as social as you are now"....

Two years down the line, and my life hasn't changed AT ALL, except for having to wake up early to walk the dog every day (or most days) and having to spend an hour or so at night walking her as well...but I enjoy it, and it gets me more exercise. When she's not being a little cunt, she's the absolute best and would do it all again...but most importantly, I'm no less social than I was (nor is my wife) and we just include the dog in most things we do if we can, because she's well(ish) trained and not a twat when out in public. 

Now, I know kids is different, but you adjust, integrate and mould them to your life as much as possible. Shock horror, our friends have a 12 week(ish) old little girl and the dad went to watch a live rugby game a matter of weeks after her birth! I've even seen, and played golf with another friend who has a 7 week old little boy since he became a dad; And as far as I recall, babies sleep, so finding 20 minutes to fire through a few levels of Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 once a week or so shouldn't be too difficult if I plan accordingly.

As far as our social life goes, It will probably help that a lot of our friends have (by coincidence) had kids within 3 months of us expecting, so we'll just become those annoying bellends who go out with their babies and take up large portions of public places with our "travel systems"...But one thing I'm sure of, is I won't give the smug cunts the satisfaction of seeing me struggle, so will always strive to be positive and re-assure them that raising a puppy is twice as hard  

@Adam_MD, congrats sir! I was the opposite to you - I went from REALLLY wanting kids when I was younger (and my wife never wanting kids when we first met), to not being overly bothered by it and being put off by it because I have family and friends who have kids, and they're really fucking annoying, and my wife actually coming round to the idea of having kids.

All the best with everything! 

The last 9 months have been a monumental struggle for us as my wife has suffered with sickness and nausea the entire time (as some will know) and has had to take cyclizine to try and kerb it for the whole of her pregnancy...and just recently she's now broken out in a horribly uncomfortable rash, so although she admits she's terrified of the process of labour, she's ready for him to be out now.

I can't pretend I'm not nervous about becoming a dad, but I'm also excited for what's to come...With the exception of the cord stump rotting before dropping off - the thought of which terrifies me more than anything! 

I had the know-it-all parents giving me the 'say goodbye to your life' bollocks as well. Everyone's situation is different and it I think it helped that my partner and I were older parents so more settled in life emotionally and financially, but it is what you make it. The first few weeks are full on, but within the month things settled down and I was out gigging again within two months and my house hasn't been covered in baby sick unlike some predicted.

joneve

munckee said:

joneve said:

Teetonetal said:

TTBZ said:

Congrats! You'll be fine.. I was in a similar predicament but maybe not quite so against it. As it turns out it's actually pretty good, just hard. Really hard. Especially if like me you like having a bit of time to yourself. Mines 10 months old and we've both agreed we don't want another for a while! Tbh I can't wait til he's a bit older so we can interact a bit more and do something more fun than sitting on the floor passing him things to chew and dribble all over. 

Say goodbye to having time to play though - I manage about 10 minutes a week unless I have band practice (which i can't do every week either)! 

In perspective, I play 2-3 hours most days and ave 2 kids (4 and 15 months). It's about planning and working out what is important. I normally play 10pm till midnight.

This is what pisses me off. I'm just about to become a dad for the first time (wife is due on Sunday), and I've had nothing but the smug parents that think they know it all give me 8 months of "LOL, say goodbye to life and no sleep for the next 18 years!". I've just spent the last few weeks finally finishing my RetroPie machine build for retro gaming and have family and friends laughing at my expense because I "won't have any time to play this once the baby arrives"

I'm under no illusions that being a parent is hard and the sleep deprivation will be hard, but we got the same bullshit when we were talking about getting a dog; "it's a big responsibility", "you're life will change forever", "you won't be able to be as social as you are now"....

Two years down the line, and my life hasn't changed AT ALL, except for having to wake up early to walk the dog every day (or most days) and having to spend an hour or so at night walking her as well...but I enjoy it, and it gets me more exercise. When she's not being a little cunt, she's the absolute best and would do it all again...but most importantly, I'm no less social than I was (nor is my wife) and we just include the dog in most things we do if we can, because she's well(ish) trained and not a twat when out in public. 

Now, I know kids is different, but you adjust, integrate and mould them to your life as much as possible. Shock horror, our friends have a 12 week(ish) old little girl and the dad went to watch a live rugby game a matter of weeks after her birth! I've even seen, and played golf with another friend who has a 7 week old little boy since he became a dad; And as far as I recall, babies sleep, so finding 20 minutes to fire through a few levels of Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 once a week or so shouldn't be too difficult if I plan accordingly.

As far as our social life goes, It will probably help that a lot of our friends have (by coincidence) had kids within 3 months of us expecting, so we'll just become those annoying bellends who go out with their babies and take up large portions of public places with our "travel systems"...But one thing I'm sure of, is I won't give the smug cunts the satisfaction of seeing me struggle, so will always strive to be positive and re-assure them that raising a puppy is twice as hard  

@Adam_MD, congrats sir! I was the opposite to you - I went from REALLLY wanting kids when I was younger (and my wife never wanting kids when we first met), to not being overly bothered by it and being put off by it because I have family and friends who have kids, and they're really fucking annoying, and my wife actually coming round to the idea of having kids.

All the best with everything! 

The last 9 months have been a monumental struggle for us as my wife has suffered with sickness and nausea the entire time (as some will know) and has had to take cyclizine to try and kerb it for the whole of her pregnancy...and just recently she's now broken out in a horribly uncomfortable rash, so although she admits she's terrified of the process of labour, she's ready for him to be out now.

I can't pretend I'm not nervous about becoming a dad, but I'm also excited for what's to come...With the exception of the cord stump rotting before dropping off - the thought of which terrifies me more than anything!  

Any downsides are irrelevant to the upsides.  You can mold kids round your life or your life round them.  My advice is get knee deep in everything baths, bum changing, bottle feeding (if you go that route other methods of feeding small people are available) its just the best.  Your social life just changes its kids parties and bonfire nights rather than pubs and meals.  I love it.

Hope everything goes well and everyone is healthy.  Keep yourself well fed and rested (your wife too of course) in the days running up as you could easily find yourself doing a 24 hour stint with no food or sleep.

Cheers! Yea, I'm not a massive partier or anything anyway. Like a pint or two with my mates, and occasionally going to the cinema or to watch the rugger. Mostly just sit at home, with my feet up with the dog and wife...so shouldn't be too hard to integrate a baby into the mix! 

My wife, although worried she's not maternal at all, will smash it as a mum, but I'll be more than happy to get stuck in with night feeds (if/when she can express if the breastfeeding thing works), bathing, bum changing and whatnot. Should be a right LOL.

Musicman20

I am 100% not going to have my own childen. I'm  36. My partner is 31. She doesn't really like kids. We both get on with our sisters's kids, but that is it. I have no instinct to have my own. She has zero maternal instinct.

But, we both crave a dog. We will one day, and it will have a great life.

There is NOTHING wrong with wanting children or NOT wanting children.

I would advise to never have them if you have doubt. Why? Because it's not fair on the kids. I've seen it happen.

I always get the odd 'aren't you selfish' comment. No, I'm not, I'm sensible and I know my mind.

PS - If I was ever with a girl who had her own children, that would not be an issue. It would take adjustment, but it wouldn't stop me liking her any less.

munckee

Musicman20 said:

I am 100% not going to have my own childen. I'm  36. My partner is 31. She doesn't really like kids. We both get on with our sisters's kids, but that is it. I have no instinct to have my own. She has zero maternal instinct.

But, we both crave a dog. We will one day, and it will have a great life.

There is NOTHING wrong with wanting children or NOT wanting children.

I would advise to never have them if you have doubt. Why? Because it's not fair on the kids. I've seen it happen.

I always get the odd 'aren't you selfish' comment. No, I'm not, I'm sensible and I know my mind.

PS - If I was ever with a girl who had her own children, that would not be an issue. It would take adjustment, but it wouldn't stop me liking her any less.

With 7 billion people in a world with hardly any oil and not enough food to feed them all I can't think of anything less selfish than not replacing yourself!  Enjoy the dog and your choice of life.

Octafish

Musicman20 said:

I am 100% not going to have my own childen. I'm  36. My partner is 31. She doesn't really like kids. We both get on with our sisters's kids, but that is it. I have no instinct to have my own. She has zero maternal instinct.

But, we both crave a dog. We will one day, and it will have a great life.

There is NOTHING wrong with wanting children or NOT wanting children.

I would advise to never have them if you have doubt. Why? Because it's not fair on the kids. I've seen it happen.

I always get the odd 'aren't you selfish' comment. No, I'm not, I'm sensible and I know my mind.

PS - If I was ever with a girl who had her own children, that would not be an issue. It would take adjustment, but it wouldn't stop me liking her any less.

Never understood that mentality, could argue it's pretty selfish to have children. My Partner and I certainly had a child because we wanted one, not for any altruistic reasons.

WezV

Musicman20 said:

I would advise to never have them if you have doubt. Why? Because it's not fair on the kids. I've seen it happen.

surely there is always some doubt? 

I have 2 now, 6yrs and 19 months.    We started to get back into our groove after a few years with the first,  and then we  started all over again.  I kinda wished we had done it closer together but I am starting to recover my life again now

Had the snip after the second, so would like to say she is definitely my last.  Apparently I am still slightly fertile 8 months later, which is feckin annoying as I am ready to move forward with the rest of my life as a non-breeder

Teetonetal

joneve said:

munckee said:

joneve said:

Teetonetal said:

TTBZ said:

Congrats! You'll be fine.. I was in a similar predicament but maybe not quite so against it. As it turns out it's actually pretty good, just hard. Really hard. Especially if like me you like having a bit of time to yourself. Mines 10 months old and we've both agreed we don't want another for a while! Tbh I can't wait til he's a bit older so we can interact a bit more and do something more fun than sitting on the floor passing him things to chew and dribble all over. 

Say goodbye to having time to play though - I manage about 10 minutes a week unless I have band practice (which i can't do every week either)! 

In perspective, I play 2-3 hours most days and ave 2 kids (4 and 15 months). It's about planning and working out what is important. I normally play 10pm till midnight.

This is what pisses me off. I'm just about to become a dad for the first time (wife is due on Sunday), and I've had nothing but the smug parents that think they know it all give me 8 months of "LOL, say goodbye to life and no sleep for the next 18 years!". I've just spent the last few weeks finally finishing my RetroPie machine build for retro gaming and have family and friends laughing at my expense because I "won't have any time to play this once the baby arrives"

I'm under no illusions that being a parent is hard and the sleep deprivation will be hard, but we got the same bullshit when we were talking about getting a dog; "it's a big responsibility", "you're life will change forever", "you won't be able to be as social as you are now"....

Two years down the line, and my life hasn't changed AT ALL, except for having to wake up early to walk the dog every day (or most days) and having to spend an hour or so at night walking her as well...but I enjoy it, and it gets me more exercise. When she's not being a little cunt, she's the absolute best and would do it all again...but most importantly, I'm no less social than I was (nor is my wife) and we just include the dog in most things we do if we can, because she's well(ish) trained and not a twat when out in public. 

Now, I know kids is different, but you adjust, integrate and mould them to your life as much as possible. Shock horror, our friends have a 12 week(ish) old little girl and the dad went to watch a live rugby game a matter of weeks after her birth! I've even seen, and played golf with another friend who has a 7 week old little boy since he became a dad; And as far as I recall, babies sleep, so finding 20 minutes to fire through a few levels of Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 once a week or so shouldn't be too difficult if I plan accordingly.

As far as our social life goes, It will probably help that a lot of our friends have (by coincidence) had kids within 3 months of us expecting, so we'll just become those annoying bellends who go out with their babies and take up large portions of public places with our "travel systems"...But one thing I'm sure of, is I won't give the smug cunts the satisfaction of seeing me struggle, so will always strive to be positive and re-assure them that raising a puppy is twice as hard  

@Adam_MD, congrats sir! I was the opposite to you - I went from REALLLY wanting kids when I was younger (and my wife never wanting kids when we first met), to not being overly bothered by it and being put off by it because I have family and friends who have kids, and they're really fucking annoying, and my wife actually coming round to the idea of having kids.

All the best with everything! 

The last 9 months have been a monumental struggle for us as my wife has suffered with sickness and nausea the entire time (as some will know) and has had to take cyclizine to try and kerb it for the whole of her pregnancy...and just recently she's now broken out in a horribly uncomfortable rash, so although she admits she's terrified of the process of labour, she's ready for him to be out now.

I can't pretend I'm not nervous about becoming a dad, but I'm also excited for what's to come...With the exception of the cord stump rotting before dropping off - the thought of which terrifies me more than anything!  

Any downsides are irrelevant to the upsides.  You can mold kids round your life or your life round them.  My advice is get knee deep in everything baths, bum changing, bottle feeding (if you go that route other methods of feeding small people are available) its just the best.  Your social life just changes its kids parties and bonfire nights rather than pubs and meals.  I love it.

Hope everything goes well and everyone is healthy.  Keep yourself well fed and rested (your wife too of course) in the days running up as you could easily find yourself doing a 24 hour stint with no food or sleep.

Cheers! Yea, I'm not a massive partier or anything anyway. Like a pint or two with my mates, and occasionally going to the cinema or to watch the rugger. Mostly just sit at home, with my feet up with the dog and wife...so shouldn't be too hard to integrate a baby into the mix! 

My wife, although worried she's not maternal at all, will smash it as a mum, but I'll be more than happy to get stuck in with night feeds (if/when she can express if the breastfeeding thing works), bathing, bum changing and whatnot. Should be a right LOL.

My wife and I had a chat about what hobbies and what in our social lives was important to us - we make time for it. Sure, it's reduced, sure sometimes the kids cause havoc and sometimes your just too tired to contemplate doing anything - but both my wife and I make sure we both have time to do those things that make us, us. 

I actually enjoy taking the kids on my own and letting my wife enjoy life a bit. She still has evenings out with her friends, she goes on ski days. In return, the kids enjoy spending time with me, it's a different dynamic. 

I get to play guitar a lot for the kids and they love it. I'm not precious with my gear and I let them make noise. We had great fun last week getting my daughter to sing let it go at the top her voice into reaper... and see the wonder in her eyes when it's played back.

Sure, I've cut some things out of my life, like afterwork drinks and we don't travel like we used to. But honestly if you want to, you really can find the time to enjoy life as much as before + you get to play lego, trains, scaletrix etc all over again

I'd also echo what @munckee said, get knee deep in it. Look for the upside, the fun, the joy. I admit, it's taken me a while to think that way, but I too got a huge amount of the "wave goodbye to your life" negativity flung my way and really, it's just not been true.

joneve

Teetonetal said:

My wife and I had a chat about what hobbies and what in our social lives was important to us - we make time for it. Sure, it's reduced, sure sometimes the kids cause havoc and sometimes your just too tired to contemplate doing anything - but both my wife and I make sure we both have time to do those things that make us, us. 

I actually enjoy taking the kids on my own and letting my wife enjoy life a bit. She still has evenings out with her friends, she goes on ski days. In return, the kids enjoy spending time with me, it's a different dynamic. 

I get to play guitar a lot for the kids and they love it. I'm not precious with my gear and I let them make noise. We had great fun last week getting my daughter to sing let it go at the top her voice into reaper... and see the wonder in her eyes when it's played back.

Sure, I've cut some things out of my life, like afterwork drinks and we don't travel like we used to. But honestly if you want to, you really can find the time to enjoy life as much as before + you get to play lego, trains, scaletrix etc all over again

I'd also echo what @munckee said, get knee deep in it. Look for the upside, the fun, the joy. I admit, it's taken me a while to think that way, but I too got a huge amount of the "wave goodbye to your life" negativity flung my way and really, it's just not been true.

Great outlook. If my wife doesn't go back to playing netball, she'll drive me fucking nuts, so I'll be making sure she gets back involved as soon as she feels like she's able to, physically. 

My exercise/sports hobbies mostly consist of panic training for triathlons and half ironman triathlons, so that will be good to be "forced" to still do this (I have a half ironman in june), to get some time to myself to clear my head From what I can gather, being parents means good team work. I think we'll be fine with that, as we've had a lot of practise with the dog. I've had to walk her every day for the last 8 months, because my wife has been unable to due to her sickness and more recently physical restraints! But we share the load pretty well (or did before that), so I look forward to the challenge (and I know it will be a challenge!)..My only wish is that he arrives healthy and with the least amount of suffering for my wife, as she's gone through enough in the last 9 months!

TTBZ

I may have come across quite negative I love being a dad I've just found it hard to adjust I guess. Can't be selfish with my time and money any more! I suppose I could find time in the evenings to play guitar but by that point I'm nackered and just want to sit on the sofa. Luckily I have a job in the industry so I get my music fix that way I guess, if not I'd probably be more inclined to play more at night. 

BRISTOL86

joneve said:

Teetonetal said:

TTBZ said:

Congrats! You'll be fine.. I was in a similar predicament but maybe not quite so against it. As it turns out it's actually pretty good, just hard. Really hard. Especially if like me you like having a bit of time to yourself. Mines 10 months old and we've both agreed we don't want another for a while! Tbh I can't wait til he's a bit older so we can interact a bit more and do something more fun than sitting on the floor passing him things to chew and dribble all over. 

Say goodbye to having time to play though - I manage about 10 minutes a week unless I have band practice (which i can't do every week either)! 

In perspective, I play 2-3 hours most days and ave 2 kids (4 and 15 months). It's about planning and working out what is important. I normally play 10pm till midnight.

This is what pisses me off. I'm just about to become a dad for the first time (wife is due on Sunday), and I've had nothing but the smug parents that think they know it all give me 8 months of "LOL, say goodbye to life and no sleep for the next 18 years!". I've just spent the last few weeks finally finishing my RetroPie machine build for retro gaming and have family and friends laughing at my expense because I "won't have any time to play this once the baby arrives"

I'm under no illusions that being a parent is hard and the sleep deprivation will be hard, but we got the same bullshit when we were talking about getting a dog; "it's a big responsibility", "you're life will change forever", "you won't be able to be as social as you are now"....

Two years down the line, and my life hasn't changed AT ALL, except for having to wake up early to walk the dog every day (or most days) and having to spend an hour or so at night walking her as well...but I enjoy it, and it gets me more exercise. When she's not being a little cunt, she's the absolute best and would do it all again...but most importantly, I'm no less social than I was (nor is my wife) and we just include the dog in most things we do if we can, because she's well(ish) trained and not a twat when out in public. 

Now, I know kids is different, but you adjust, integrate and mould them to your life as much as possible. Shock horror, our friends have a 12 week(ish) old little girl and the dad went to watch a live rugby game a matter of weeks after her birth! I've even seen, and played golf with another friend who has a 7 week old little boy since he became a dad; And as far as I recall, babies sleep, so finding 20 minutes to fire through a few levels of Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 once a week or so shouldn't be too difficult if I plan accordingly.

As far as our social life goes, It will probably help that a lot of our friends have (by coincidence) had kids within 3 months of us expecting, so we'll just become those annoying bellends who go out with their babies and take up large portions of public places with our "travel systems"...But one thing I'm sure of, is I won't give the smug cunts the satisfaction of seeing me struggle, so will always strive to be positive and re-assure them that raising a puppy is twice as hard  

@Adam_MD, congrats sir! I was the opposite to you - I went from REALLLY wanting kids when I was younger (and my wife never wanting kids when we first met), to not being overly bothered by it and being put off by it because I have family and friends who have kids, and they're really fucking annoying, and my wife actually coming round to the idea of having kids.

All the best with everything! 

The last 9 months have been a monumental struggle for us as my wife has suffered with sickness and nausea the entire time (as some will know) and has had to take cyclizine to try and kerb it for the whole of her pregnancy...and just recently she's now broken out in a horribly uncomfortable rash, so although she admits she's terrified of the process of labour, she's ready for him to be out now.

I can't pretend I'm not nervous about becoming a dad, but I'm also excited for what's to come...With the exception of the cord stump rotting before dropping off - the thought of which terrifies me more than anything!  

THPS2...when’s your baby due, 2001?!

What a game that was!

tampaxboo

re OP. same as, so i have never had.

if you want to have children you have to fully accept that you are no longer going to be at the centre of your own life, your child will be dependent on you for everything and you will always have a human and moral obligation to put them first, no mattter what.
partner second, music second, work (if you enjoy it) second, etc.

i'm realistic about that and it's a sacrifice i don't feel i can make. and i wouldn't want to be a shit parent, because that would destroy me and my child.

there are lots of other minor reasons;
i am not very good at relationships. autism affects my social life and makes me a crap partner i think. people never seem happy with me and i gave up trying to reconcile my needs and theirs long ago. i'm happy being a loner.
i come from a large family who have bred like rabbits, so that takes parental pressure off. they know i'm weird and not parent material anyway.
overpopulation (and problems that causes) is a massive problem. so that also takes pressure off. it's eco to not reproduce in the current global contest.

and i'm selfish maybe. i like my own company. i don't feel i need a family to be happy.

but if you are in a relationship and they want kids, you may find out they consider kids a deal breaker re the future of your relationship. stark choice.

Adam_MD

A happy end to this thread our son Thomas was born at 5:25am this morning and I’ve just brought him and his Mum home from the hospital.

After all my fears and worry I’m a really happy guy tonight.  Thanks everyone who posted encouragement throughout this.  

mart

Congratulations! Enjoy family life - there’s some great fun to be had.

Nitefly

Yay, congratulations matey!  I don't know why, but people always want to know how much they weighed, so do tell!

Adam_MD

7lbs 13 @Nitefly I’ll post a pic or two tomorrow I’m heading to bed now I haven’t slept in two days.  

I fully expect the lack of sleep to continue so I’m going to grab some while I can.