Friday humour

Hootsmon

Hootsmon

They tried to make me go to rehab
I said, "naw, naw, naw"

Hootsmon

Hootsmon

Kittyfrisk

Hootsmon

545454

Heard on the news that due to coronavirus, they've just shut down Liverpool John Lennon airport.
Imagine, all the people...

Kittyfrisk

I went to the local Pharmacy today & asked the assistant behind the counter  “ What is the best product to prevent Coronavirus on hard surfaces?”

She replied “ Ammonia Cleaner”.

I said “ Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you worked here..."

axisus

proggy

I've just been to look at a house with old period features.

She hates it when I call her that.

Kittyfrisk

HAL9000

"Where are we going Piglet?" asked Pooh.

"We need to get supplies," said Piglet. "For the Coronavirus"

"Ahh," said Pooh, nodding in understanding. "Things like bread, milk, cough mixture, tissues and cat litter even though we don't have a cat?"

Piglet did a little laugh, and a sort of leap and bit of a cough. "No," said Piglet. "No, those aren't the sort of supplies we need at all! What we need are family sized bags of chocolate buttons, massive toblerone, jelly babies and crunchies and a freezer full of stuffed crust pizzas, and all of the Prosecco that we can possibly carry, so that when we get quarantined we won't mind it even slightly. THOSE are supplies."

All of a sudden, Pooh thought that the idea of coronavirus didn't seem quite so bad, and actually, getting quarantined with Piglet and their supplies really didn't sound such a terrible thing after all. "Oh Piglet," said Pooh. "I really do think you are a very wise animal."

blobb

Kittyfrisk

HAL9000 said:

"Where are we going Piglet?" asked Pooh.

"We need to get supplies," said Piglet. "For the Coronavirus"

"Ahh," said Pooh, nodding in understanding. "Things like bread, milk, cough mixture, tissues and cat litter even though we don't have a cat?"

Piglet did a little laugh, and a sort of leap and bit of a cough. "No," said Piglet. "No, those aren't the sort of supplies we need at all! What we need are family sized bags of chocolate buttons, massive toblerone, jelly babies and crunchies and a freezer full of stuffed crust pizzas, and all of the Prosecco that we can possibly carry, so that when we get quarantined we won't mind it even slightly. THOSE are supplies."

All of a sudden, Pooh thought that the idea of coronavirus didn't seem quite so bad, and actually, getting quarantined with Piglet and their supplies really didn't sound such a terrible thing after all. "Oh Piglet," said Pooh. "I really do think you are a very wise animal."

Mmmm, thought Pooh. Honey roast pork, my very favourite...

Kittyfrisk

DesVegas

Me: Do you have the Harry Potter audio book?
DJ: no

axisus

FarleyUK

I went to the pharmacy earlier, and asked the assistant "What gets rid of the Coronavirus?".

She replied "Ammonia cleaner".

I responded "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you worked here".

Hootsmon

Hootsmon