Well, the day is finally upon me..

Emp_Fab

Well, that was a lot easier than I had predicted.  It was a beautiful service - everyone commented on how nice it was.  My uncle gave a lovely eulogy, through shaking hands and voice, and my 12 year old grand-nephew spoke at the podium about his Nana, from the heart and without notes - which was inspiring to see.  She had a beautiful send-off - the funeral directors were great, mixing the modern; beautiful pale blue Mercs, with the traditional; walking in front of the cortege for the first 100 yards or so in top hat and tails with a cane, and the same at the other end.  The weather was lovely too.  I hope you liked it mum.  I think you would have. xx

stickyfiddle

I'm sorry, just seen this. 

Glad to hear it all went well, though that never feels like the right way to describe it. 

We're burying my 97 year old Nana next week, which is hard enough. I can't imagine how I'll get through it when my parents go.

hubobulous

In the grand scheme of things, that's lovely news. Glad it was easier than predicted. Now take it one step at a time and look after yourself.

UnclePsychosis

Glad it went well. Hang in there Emp, you've got a lot of friends round here. All the best to you and yours.

joneve

Just seen this also - glad it all went ok. 

All the best to you and your family mate. 

littlegreenman

Glad it wasn't the day you were expecting Emp. That was my experience when we had the funeral for my Mum too, was totally dreading it but then on the day it was all fine, or at least as fine as such a day can be. After all, it's family and friends who come together to celebrate a life lived. I also found the ritual of the funeral director's strangely comforting in it's respect. Hopefully you're all now having a drink and sharing stories and memories.

You never get over it and even years from now you'll have the odd day when it comes back and hits you, but the pain does slowly get replaced by memories of good times had and bad times overcome.

My sincere condolences.

kjdowd

Glad it went well Emp. I've found funerals to be hugely helpful when close relatives have died. Good luck to you and yours. 

TheBlueWolf

It went very well which is another pleasant memory you have of your mum.

Banter aside you've got a lot of friends here if you need them.

Alnico

equalsql said:

Best wishes to you Emp. Try to remember all the good times in your grief. My mother died over 25 years ago, but I can still see and hear in my mind as if it were yesterday.

To quote Seamus Heaney and his tribute to his mother at her passing:

When all the others were away at Mass

I was all hers as we peeled potatoes.

They broke the silence, let fall one by one

Like solder weeping off the soldering iron:

Cold comforts set between us, things to share

Gleaming in a bucket of clean water.

And again let fall. Little pleasant splashes

From each other's work would bring us to our senses.

So while the parish priest at her bedside

Went hammer and tongs at the prayers for the dying

And some were responding and some crying

I remembered her head bent towards my head,

Her breath in mine, our fluent dipping knives—

Never closer the whole rest of our lives.

Moved.

Thank you sincerely for posting that.

TheOtherDennis

Sorry to hear about you losing your mum, Emp. Lost mine four years ago, it's never easy. Take care, you'll get there.

Emp_Fab

I have to be honest, I'm struggling.  I keep crying at random times when I suddenly remember I'm never going to see her ever again.  I'm officially back in work today but I haven't had any calls - thank God.  Now that the funeral is over, it just seems so final.... Life has to begin again from now, everything has to return to normal, but my brain is going "no... It can't resume without mum”, as if she's just taking her time getting ready or something.

I still can't face going anywhere near her house, but the mail will be piling up by now and I will have to face that soon.  I can't imagine how I'm going to be able to do that.  Just thinking about it is setting me off.

I really don't get the point of life.  Why are we here?  When I took mum to the hospital the first time, while we were waiting in A&E I saw a priest walk in briskly with his book - I guessed it wasn't a social visit in the small hours - he was obviously about to give the "last rites" to someone.  A couple of minutes later I heard a man’s voice and a woman's voice outside the entrance to A&E give a sound that will haunt me always - a mix of a wail and a scream that made me instinctively think they were being stabbed, but it was obvious they had just heard of the death of their loved one.  Such pain...

TTony

You *will* get through it.

You're no different to hundreds, thousands, millions of people who get through similar things every year.  Getting back to "normality" (job n stuff) will help, because you'll have to focus on other things, you'll have other stresses to deal with, and it's stuff that you HAVE to do.

You don't forget your mum, the pain doesn't ever go away, but it becomes less painful and less front-of-mind.  So you get back to functioning again.

In terms of the "meaning of life" - not sure that there is one, but as long as I've been given one, I guess I might as well try to enjoy it, and maybe even use it to provide enjoyment, amusement or annoyance to others.

Stay with us Emp, it *does* get easier.

hubobulous

Agreed on the wisdom of @TTony. It does get easier, but everything is so new and raw, you can't be expected to feel any other way. The fact that you're crying means you are processing it and that's healthy.

Most of us have to go through this. Its shit. Truly shit. One of, if not the most, shitty SHIT things ever. But once the processing begins, and you have people to talk to, and things to focus on that are new, the pain dulls.

But dude, you're just days away from the funeral. Don't be hard on yourself or question your emotions. However, do focus on what we are all saying. It honestly gets easier. And one day, you'll be on here telling someone exactly the same thing.