Think I'm going to be bandless...

monquixote

Just had a text from the singer that her and the bass player want to meet up with me this evening.

I have a feeling that's going to end up with me being out of the band.

I've gone off playing pub gigs recently and I'm not sure I want to do weddings (which is the direction the band might be heading) as they tend to blow out a whole day on the weekend when I want to spend time with the kids.
Recently we've had a couple of people on holiday and various illness so we haven't played for about 2 months and to be honest I haven't really missed it.

We had practice on Tuesday and I found I didn't really want to go and didn't bother learning the song I was supposed to be doing which didn't go down well (and is not something I would usually do).

I suspect it won't be a "getting sacked" situation and that if I promise to redouble my efforts I'll be able to continue, but in my heart of hearts I think I'm done. 

To be honest I've been thinking about quitting for a while, but what has been holding me back is the fear of regretting my decision later.
It's by far the best band I've been in, everyone is very motivated and friendly and I suspect if I stop I might end up giving up guitar (at least for a while), but then at the moment I'm basically not playing between practices and gigs anyway as my guitar mojo seems to have largely gone.

Thoughts?

Bidley

I find bands usually go this way. Sounds like it's run it's course for you, and there's no shame in that.

If you do have a break from guitar, it's sometimes good in the long run. You tend to go back with more appreciation and enthusiasm. Sometimes the pressures of being in a band sucks a bit of that out of you.

In any case, leaving a band is always hard. Good luck with whatever happens.

guitarfishbay

Honestly?

It sounds like you're not up for it, spend the time with your kids.

If you want to get into a good band again consider not playing guitar.  There are a million guitarists looking to get into bands.  IIRC you can sing, singing bassist would be much more in demand.

ICBM

monquixote said:

I've gone off playing pub gigs recently and I'm not sure I want to do weddings (which is the direction the band might be heading) as they tend to blow out a whole day on the weekend when I want to spend time with the kids.

Recently we've had a couple of people on holiday and various illness so we haven't played for about 2 months and to be honest I haven't really missed it.

It's by far the best band I've been in, everyone is very motivated and friendly and I suspect if I stop I might end up giving up guitar (at least for a while), but then at the moment I'm basically not playing between practices and gigs anyway as my guitar mojo seems to have largely gone.

Tell them exactly that, and part company on good terms. They may want you back in a year or two, if you don't find anything else you want to do in the mean time and your replacement moves on as well.

impmann

My thougths - walk away but stay on good terms if you can. It sounds like you need a break from it all - spend time with the family and then re-assess what you want from being in a band.

monquixote

Just phoned the singer as I didn't want to wait until this evening to find out.

Upshot is she said they feel my "heart isn't in it" which is probably a fair assessment.

Going to meet up with them this evening, but I think it's the end of the road.

Handsome_Chris

But you are Big Daddy Funk!

not_the_dj

Dibs on the DGT ;-)

monquixote

not_the_dj said:

Dibs on the DGT ;-)

Would you jump into my grave as quickly!

digitalscream

Take a break, mate. It'll most likely do you a world of good.

I've got to say, though...if pub gigs aren't your bag and you eventually come back to playing guitar, joining an originals band might be a good way to go. As long as you're not the designated adult (read: the one doing all the organisation), it's not so intrusive on family life; a rehearsal a week, and the gigs tend to be more meaningful in that they're more sparse and - if you've got even a small following - better received.

You also get to socialise with other bands which definitely helps, even for somebody as socially inept as I.

Alnico

I've been away from playing live for a long time due to my health, since Easter 2015 i think.
I've missed it like hell in the last 6 moths and as i recover from the operation i'm talking with another couple of guys about putting something together again next year.
My renewed enthusiasm, because I've been away for a while is incredible. Maybe walking away from this and spending some time with the kids will give you some perspective on playing in a band. You won't give up all together, that's silly but it will give you Christmas to refocus and then next year go whichever way you want.

professorben

digitalscream said:

Take a break, mate. It'll most likely do you a world of good.

I've got to say, though...if pub gigs aren't your bag and you eventually come back to playing guitar, joining an originals band might be a good way to go. As long as you're not the designated adult (read: the one doing all the organisation), it's not so intrusive on family life; a rehearsal a week, and the gigs tend to be more meaningful in that they're more sparse and - if you've got even a small following - better received.

You also get to socialise with other bands which definitely helps, even for somebody as socially inept as I.

This in spades. 
My originals band morphed into a wedding band (earning money for new record turned into members preferring the extra cash)
And I stuck it out for a couple of years, ended up totally demoralised, I remember standing on stage in a suit one night thinking " I'm caught in a trap, there's no way out"

EricTheWeary

professorben said:

digitalscream said:

Take a break, mate. It'll most likely do you a world of good.

I've got to say, though...if pub gigs aren't your bag and you eventually come back to playing guitar, joining an originals band might be a good way to go. As long as you're not the designated adult (read: the one doing all the organisation), it's not so intrusive on family life; a rehearsal a week, and the gigs tend to be more meaningful in that they're more sparse and - if you've got even a small following - better received.

You also get to socialise with other bands which definitely helps, even for somebody as socially inept as I.

This in spades. 
My originals band morphed into a wedding band (earning money for new record turned into members preferring the extra cash)
And I stuck it out for a couple of years, ended up totally demoralised, I remember standing on stage in a suit one night thinking " I'm caught in a trap, there's no way out"

With suspicious minds? 

I've played a few weddings but dislike doing them - takes too much time and you are someone's servant for the day, playing to an audience with little interest in the music. Not a terrible way to earn a few quid and I'd do it on that basis, but it's a long way off from why I'd want to pick up a guitar. Yes, I know that if we play a pub we are being paid to entertain but I like to hold to the idea that's playing to people who at least want to see a band, they're not there because they know Sue and Kevin from work and chipped in on the Royal Doulton.

DrJazzTap

I haven't gigged since 09. I keep meaning to get back into it. But my circumstances at the moment are taking priority. it has to be something you want to do imho.
I play the guitar for a hobby and as a release from work. when it started to feel like a job it was time to knock it on the head. Still doesn't stop me doing stupid things like looking at fender prosonics!

Nitefly

 @Dave_Vader wrote a book about this!

If your heart's not in it, it's time for a break.  Last time I felt like that, I didn't act on it soon enough, and ended up having a row and not speaking to the singer for about 2 years - life's too short.

stratman3142

I've lost my enthusiasm for live gigs and I'm not currently in a band.

If your guitar mojo has gone, you could try home recording which is where my enthusiasm lies these days. I'm as much interested in recording techniques and other instruments (keyboards plus VSTis) as I am in playing guitar and bass.

But these things go in waves and I can expect I'll probably get into gigging again sometime. I've always managed to leave bands in a way that leaves the door open, so there's the option of working with at least some of the musicians again in future. And I've occasionally been asked back to do deps for bands I've left over the years.

NPP

DrJazzTap said:

I haven't gigged since 09. I keep meaning to get back into it. But my circumstances at the moment are taking priority. it has to be something you want to do imho.
I play the guitar for a hobby and as a release from work. when it started to feel like a job it was time to knock it on the head. Still doesn't stop me doing stupid things like looking at fender prosonics!

I've said this before but I'd really like to be in a non-gigging band where people play together for the fun of it without all the hassle and logistics involved in playing for other people. 

thomasross20

My mojo is waning a little and I'm not overly missing it all, to be honest.

richardhomer

I've not gigged regularly since 1987 - there are odd occasions where I miss it - but talking to a mate who got to bed at 3.30am the other week after a 1.00am load out and a nightmare drive home in pissing rain reminded me why I fell out of love with it.

Hes retired - so a late night isn't too much of a problem. Combining that with working sounds like no fun at all....

CHRISB50

I've hardly played this year. Last year I really knuckled down and learned some new stuff. This year I just didn't fancy it. 

The way I see it, it's not a job. It's a hobby. If you don't fancy it, give it a break. 

You will not forget everything over night (including muscle memory). Take a break. 

Come back to it when you feel the need. 

All the best. 

Fortheloveofguitar

I've not played live for 2 years now and don't miss it at all. certainly don't miss all the agro involved with being in a band 

Hardly even pick up a guitar much these days despite still buying them

Spend a lot of time on here talking about them though