Commitment to look after your old folk?

Vaiai

My mum sang for many years and toured with Runrig and worked with Van Morrison etc but she's mid 60s now and generally gigs in old folks homes and really enjoys it  - I keep asking her if she is just touring and assessing them all! - she also says most of them are really nice and the staff are lovely - puts my mind at rest as you hear so many horror stories Her and her husband are very much of the "put me down" when it's time - i.e assisted dying in Switzerland etc. Not nice to talk about but it has to be discussed.

guitarfishbay

CabbageCat said:

quarky said:

axisus said:

My parents wouldn't ask. They brought me, my bro and sis up the right way. They wouldn't need to ask, it is a given that we will be there for them. 

Everyone thinks they've be brought up the right way.  (OK...nearly everyone)

Some might certainly say that parents raising their kids as future unpaid care home assistants is selfish and barbaric. Others might not.

Likewise some might say care of the family is a family issue and others want the state to foot the bill or charity to pick up the work (or they ignore the issue - same outcome eventually).

In many cases outside help is essential but there's also a lot of lonely old people relying on help from churches (I'm not religious but have seen this), charities, and state support when their kids could help out at least to a partial extent but choose not to.

I'm fully aware there are many people have not had positive relationships with their family, as well as other practical reasons preventing them helping, and I don't expect anyone to do something out of shaming from outside. But I don't understand a lot of people on this subject. I am not singling anyone out here, but I do think this is a big social issue for the country (and many others) and only likely to become a larger one as people live longer (but not necessarily always will a full quality of life).

Nitefly

My Ma is 88, Pa died 3 years ago.  Ma lives on her own in a ground-floor flat and is as independent as she can be.   She had a fall earlier this year, though, and now she won't go out on her own.

We go over every Thursday (we live about an hour's drive away), and take her out to collect her pension and to the local shops.

She's already told me she wants to go in a home when she can't cope, and had already decided which one, but unfortunately it has closed recently, so she's found another one.

I'm sure my siblings would help but I live nearest - one lives in Cheltenham, one lives in Exeter, and one lives in Sweden...

She keeps telling me how grateful she is that we keep on visiting, but to me it's just what I should do.

ThePrettyDamned

I help my parents look after my nan, who has myeloma. 

I can't recommend it too much. It's hard work, physically and mentally. Although I have cleaned hundreds of bums and more in my lifetime, there is something that makes it harder. Or perhaps it's just me being a weiner. Despite that, I wouldn't have it any other way (that was edited in). 

All that said, I'm proud of it, and I'm dead proud of my parents. They have, however, forbidden me from looking after them - I think they're hoping there are more options for them by the time they're old enough to not take care of themselves. 

Emp_Fab

Fuck 'em, they're only bees.