Commitment to look after your old folk?

quarky

Have any of your every been asked by your parents to make a commitment to look after them in their old age, or when one of them dies?

Seems a strange thing to be asked (especially because they hate my wife, and we are not on fabulous terms), but I was wondering just how usual it is?

Have you been asked? Would you ask your kids to do that? 

Sporky

My mum has asked to either be put in a nice home, and visited for as long as she appreciates it and is pleasant to visit, or to be dumped on the moors with a bottle of brandy and a book.

Steffo

This is something I would do without having to be asked, like my parents are doing for theirs.
having said that I really get on with them and always have and understand that if that wasn't the case looking after them would not be a foregone conclusion.

sev112

Would not ask my kids to do so

i specifically remember my mum saying that it would make her feel horrible if we felt we had to look after her.  She said that was not why she brought us into the world and she certainly did not wish us to live our life around them.  Very noble I thought.  Can be tough in practice though

do what is right by you, your kids, and then your parents.  If you can do all of them and still be happy then good for you

TTony

Sporky said:

or to be dumped on the moors with a bottle of brandy and a book.

Did she specify the book?

quarky

Thanks.

I think the only answer I feel I can really give is, "of course I want to be here, but my family is my priority, so I can't commit to anything that would interfere with that."  It sounds heartless, but I don't see how I can promise anything else.. They are not actually that old (both still in their 60's), and in sheltered accommodation.

I certainly feel like I would want my kids to do the same when my time comes, but maybe that is because I am not that old yet..

Love the Brandy and book idea.

fretmeister

Mine are going to Switzerland.

they just don't know it yet.

TTony

fretmeister said:

Mine are going to Switzerland.

they just don't know it yet.

My stepson is a vet.  He's already offered to do a home visit.

He might not even charge.

Sporky

TTony said:

Sporky said:

or to be dumped on the moors with a bottle of brandy and a book.

Did she specify the book?

I think she's planning on stopping at a bookshop on the way. I'll pay for the book, obvs.

quarky

LOL. Maybe I should leave some leaflets for Dignitas hanging around

Philly_Q

I haven't been asked to make such a commitment, but it's a subject that's been on my mind a lot the last few months.

My stepmother died in July so my dad's on his own now and we (my brothers and sisters and extended families) have been seeing a lot more of him than we have for many years.  He's 82, a bit frail, a bit forgetful, he can still take care of himself but there will inevitably come a time when he can't.

I don't think he would ever actually ask to be looked after, as such, but I would like him to move into a smaller place, not a care home but somewhere with a bit of "backup" in case of emergencies.  I don't think I could actually move in and look after him though, I know it sounds harsh but it would drive me crazy.

octatonic

I couldn't look after mine- they'd drive me nuts, but I could probably look after yours.
Anyone wanna trade?

quarky

Parent-swap.com. There is no one on this forum that I would want to burden that much.

digitalscream

I find that a very strange thing to ask. Then again...my parents have always been of the opinion that parents look after kids rather than the other way round, and that's trickled down the generations from their parents through to my daughter (and hopefully my nephews and any others that pop up).

Through my wife's work, we've also come across many people who put their parents in homes and only show up when it's time for the estate to be shared out.

It strikes me that there's a happy medium between that and full-on "wait on us hand and foot".

ThorpyFX

TTony said:

fretmeister said:

Mine are going to Switzerland.

they just don't know it yet.

My stepson is a vet.  He's already offered to do a home visit.

He might not even charge.

I've seen what they do to cows.... You'd be better off with the brandy and the book.

fretmeister

Sporky said:

TTony said:

Sporky said:

or to be dumped on the moors with a bottle of brandy and a book.

Did she specify the book?

I think she's planning on stopping at a bookshop on the way. I'll pay for the book, obvs.

Yeah, but not a hardback surely?

fields5069

Isn't it an obligation? Why would anybody need to be asked? I'm not being arsey, it's interesting that this question has come up, what with some painting a bleak picture for anyone over 40 as they progress into old age.

Sporky

fretmeister said:

Sporky said:

TTony said:

Sporky said:

or to be dumped on the moors with a bottle of brandy and a book.

Did she specify the book?

I think she's planning on stopping at a bookshop on the way. I'll pay for the book, obvs.

Yeah, but not a hardback surely?

She's worth it.

Roland

In dealing with my mother the question I always ask myself is "how would I want my children to treat me?" 

TTony

digitalscream said:

my parents have always been of the opinion that parents look after kids rather than the other way round, 

Which makes me think ... if I were to look after my parents (which is *never* going to happen for many a reason), it could be fun;

"You're not going out wearing that, go get changed."
"Turn that bloody music down"
"Right, come on, we're going shopping"
"Turn that bloody music down"
"The school have phoned, we need to have a chat"
"Turn that bloody music down"
"Turn that TV off, it's time you were asleep"
"Turn that bloody music down"
"Isn't it time you had a hair cut?"
"Turn that bloody music down"
"Go and tidy your room"
"Turn that bloody music down"
"You must have some homework to do"
"Turn that bloody music down"
"You wanted the dog, you clean up after it"
"Turn that bloody music down"

Oh, and
"Turn that bloody music down"

TTony

Sporky said:

fretmeister said:

Sporky said:

TTony said:

Sporky said:

or to be dumped on the moors with a bottle of brandy and a book.

Did she specify the book?

I think she's planning on stopping at a bookshop on the way. I'll pay for the book, obvs.

Yeah, but not a hardback surely?

She's worth it.

You've seen the will?