Devastating News

thomasross20

Amen to that, and I'm very sorry to hear of your losses . It's why I'm trying to get stuff done quickly and then onto the next thing, all up-front (though I get your point - some stuff could wait.. though a lot of this stuff is pressing due to impending wedding and house purchase). I'm making a decent job of things - I'm not going to quibble if I don't get the best deal on something, for example, as the time lost is then gone forever, so time is the most precious thing. I have to watch it, though - I'm genuinely shocked how quickly my bank account has drained and there is still stuff to be paid (white goods, house extras, videographer, caterer, you name it!). Should be ok but just need to keep an eye on it. It's depressing having to think about keeping an eye on money when all this is going on (again hence why the fund has been such a help - seriously, big thanks). The support from this place has been great - lots of folk keeping in touch etc. A lot better than what I'm getting "locally"... 

Regarding seeing a person when in later stages... I haven't experienced that before. The only thing close was when Sheena's mother passed away in her bed one afternoon and we drove to the house to see her - but that was "natural" so I imagine it will be "worse" for us. I asked Sheena twice if she wants the girls to see her in a deteriorated condition and both times she said yes... part of life and they have to grow up and deal with things like this (her words). So that's me told!

Maggie's meeting 10:30am tomorrow so bed-time for bonzo!
(I think if I sell anything, and I need to cover solicitor's fees and stamp duty [yowza!!].. it'll be the violet PRS and maybe the Blackstar HT-20 I got recently though I would get less than half what I paid for that. I need to dig out my pedal-board, too, to see what's on there. The last 3 things I ever want to sell are the orange PRS, the Suhr and the Matrix cab - so if you see me listing those, tell me to sell a kidney first lol). The gift guitar today is well appreciated - a physical sign of support and something to enjoy even if all my guitars go. Everybody on here really has been fantastic. 

thomasross20

We were at a meet and greet last night for one of Sheena's favourite comedians (I emailed the manager and was lucky enough to get a response!). Guest tickets! Even better, she got several mentions during the show and we got pictures afterward. Her daughter's 21st is today and this morning I sorted out everything car-wise, so it's all falling into place. Disney next week. Sheena wants to see Moulin Rouge (good idea as it'll be good for a rest and some entertainment) but was hesitant due to ticket prices - I'm like "who cares" ... honestly! This is exactly where the forum fund is going to help out. So thanks once again! 

thomasross20

Also had a good meeting with a specialist McMillan nurse yesterday.

Moe_Zambeek

Glad to hear some positive results from your efforts. More to come, I hope.

thomasross20

I need to think of a wedding gift still, and speech! :O

guitars4you

thomasross20 said:

I need to think of a wedding gift still, and speech! :O

The speech will be the tough one - I can imagine there will be few, if any, not shedding any tears and how you hold it together will be hard - I know when I got married, doing a speech and mentioning the fact that I wish my mum had been there (she had died a few years earlier after a long cancer battle) - hard not to swell up and choke - The things is they will all understand no matter what you say

thomasross20

Yes , I imagine most people will have a cry and sorry again about your mum . It's a real heart-tugger just thinking back to the first day I met Sheena and the last 9 years up to this point. I don't want it to end  

Was just at the cinema, we went to separate films and I missed her next to me holding my hand. Guess I'd better get used to it. Fyi Kong was a good film, though..! Great cinematography. 

Holiday tomorrow!!
Her best friend is coming along. It's hard not to try and grab all the moments with her but she has lots of other meaningful relationships, too. 

To be honest I think it will be relatively easy to craft a heartfelt speech as the last 9 years have been so fantastic. I'll make good use of the projector. Throughout the whole reception it will show pics of us and family and friends over the years, moments people won't have been party to, but will hopefully enjoy seeing. A good backdrop, anyway!

I decided to sell one of my PRS (the wood library violet one... Ouch it hurts!). It's a luxury I can't afford. I won't name the forumite for now (not no probs doing so if they're cool with it!) but they totally amazingly offered to buy it for the price I bought it for originally - a massive thank you...!

I'm really glad for the wedding and holiday and house - it's been a lot to take on but worth it a million times over. If it weren't for these things maybe we'd have done more holidays or something but these are really big life moments / building blocks - you know what I'm saying... Good for her and us and the girls. Her daughter's 21st was great as the whole family was there, fantastic for Sheena. She says she'll be happy if she can at least see the wedding through but I hope she see's her son graduate and this house. 

It's a strange thing trying to enjoy her fully knowing what's to come, you can overdo it, maybe not enjoy the moment for what it is thinking about what's to come, there's really no feeling to describe it. 

Right, home time and bag packing for Paris!

thomasross20

Wedding is this Friday!
Had the kilt fitted. Tweed jacket and I'll forgo the belt.
Speech will be an open love letter to Sheena with some light humour. Everything should be taken care of. Lots of photos for the projector and might do Chinese sky lanterns later on. My ring was too tight so got it a half size up, just in time. A famous Scottish band is adapting "Marie's Wedding" to "Sheena's Wedding" for us during the signing. She is walking in to "White Wedding" and "doesn't give a monkey's" what anybody thinks lol.

Many thanks once again for helping us with those Disneyland moments. You are all amazing. We will get photos up when we get a chance to breathe.

Skoda I got, I'm sure the garage is fobbing me off about the door dent. Also there's audible noise I think linked to lack of padding - it gives me earache. Not stuff I have time to worry about. Honda next time, maybe.

I might have mentioned but work will put me on sick policy when I need it, however it has to be taken as a block which isn't great as I want to spend more time with her now. Will see what I can do. She has sorted out everything for her funeral other than the wake. She is very brave. The house will be the next big thing. I'm glad things are getting done but petrified as time is going so quickly and I seem to spend most of it in front of a screen organising things. Of late I have been a lot worse at night on my own wondering how I can live a life without her. Sheena threw out a lot of her winter clothes as she thinks she won't need them. I hope she is wrong. I have re-connected with old friends, but they haven't been here for us during the cancer so it's too late for the wedding. One was literally crying when Sheena was telling the story. 

Work had a collection for us which will allow us to buy "Sheena's bench" with a little plaque in the back garden, so the girls and I can always potter about in the garden and remember her. I can't help but think about that stuff. Good times still ahead, though. 

Loads more stuff happening - I really have to keep writing as I want to refer back to this. Oh, stag do.. did an "escape room" thing followed by a meal which was great. The girls did the "pin the junk on the hunk" apparently  

Oh, it was also her birthday last Friday, so it's been all go. She's such a natural beauty. Part of my speech says how she has never once let me down and how in a filled room, she always looks over to me to let me know I'm not alone. God, I love her!

Sheena is definitely getting more tired but still looks great. Her right side hurts if you press on it. I've had no further Maggie's meetings - haven't had the time. In fact we've not done much "cancer stuff" for some time. In 3-4 weeks at the next doctor's appointment I will ask about getting a palliative care nurse assigned. 

Work still busy. I must be on my ninth full-scale microchip all on my own, plus microprocessor on this one. It's tough doing mental work like that with everything else going on.

I'm sure there's more.. 

Anyway! Just to say I'm still here, just super busy. The fund-raising from everybody here was exceptional and we'll never stop being thankful for that. Sheena says she is eternally grateful. 

Cheers for now!

Cabicular

guitars4you said:

thomasross20 said:

I need to think of a wedding gift still, and speech! :O

The speech will be the tough one - I can imagine there will be few, if any, not shedding any tears and how you hold it together will be hard - I know when I got married, doing a speech and mentioning the fact that I wish my mum had been there (she had died a few years earlier after a long cancer battle) - hard not to swell up and choke - The things is they will all understand no matter what you say

All I can share is a tip I used when delivering my wife's eulogy
A nice thick post office elastic band round your wrist
Whenever you start to go give it a good hard snap
The sharp pain brings you back into focus
Its not pretty but it gets it done

Nitefly

Hey Thomas, good to hear from you, and pleased to hear that your plans are all progressing well.

Best of luck on Friday, I'm away with Our Maud for the weekend, and we'll drink a toast to you both on Friday night.

Bucket

Did wonder how things were going, so thanks for updating us.

Best of British to you both mate, hope everything goes off without a hitch! Wishing you two the longest, happiest time you can possibly have together (And yes to Honda!)

holnrew

What a lot to deal with. If you need to talk autism I'm here, and if the daughter could use a friend who can understand the difficulties she might have dealing with emotions during this difficult time, I'm an understanding ear.

Wish I could offer more

not_the_dj

All the best for Friday!

Vibetronic

sounds like it'll be an amazing wedding mate; all the very best for the day  You are dealing with this amazingly too.

DiscoStu

Friday will be fab!
If you find yourself struggling through your speech then just pause, step back, and take a couple of deep breaths. Every single person in the room is supporting you so don't think too much about it.
I'll raise a glass to you both on the day. 

richardhomer

Best wishes to you all on Friday - sounds like you have a wonderful day planned.

RocknRollDave

Looking forward to seeing the wedding snaps! Have a great day!
Be in the moment as much as you can, enjoy it.

joneve

All the best for friday mate! 

guitarfishbay

Hope you all have a great time on Friday.  You're doing a great job man.  Enjoy the wedding!

boogieman

Enjoy the wedding day Tom. Try to make it all about the pair of you and your happiness together, not about Sheena's illness.