Devastating News

thomasross20

Work offering me 3 months full pay followed 3 months half-pay then I'm on my own. House isn't going to be cheap but completely agree time is the most precious thing.. she does say she doesn't want me "hanging around" and I need to make sure I can keep that roof over the girls' heads - I've said a few times to her that I'm ready to take it but she knocks it back. Maybe I've left it too late already (which would be awful). What if it's a dip and miraculously she goes for a year or more? Though tonight wasn't great. Well, I cancelled the gig, anyway... I can even "work from home" so might just start doing that as a halfway house... 
When this really hits, it's really going to hit hard. 
Thanks guys!

littlegreenman

thomasross20 said:

Work offering me 3 months full pay followed 3 months half-pay then I'm on my own. House isn't going to be cheap but completely agree time is the most precious thing.. she does say she doesn't want me "hanging around" and I need to make sure I can keep that roof over the girls' heads - I've said a few times to her that I'm ready to take it but she knocks it back. Maybe I've left it too late already (which would be awful). What if it's a dip and miraculously she goes for a year or more? Though tonight wasn't great. Well, I cancelled the gig, anyway... I can even "work from home" so might just start doing that as a halfway house... 
When this really hits, it's really going to hit hard. 
Thanks guys!

Start doing that, asap, tomorrow if you can. Time is the one thing you can never get back.

Alnico

Tommy,
This was never going to hit lightly. 
Keep your guard up and do what's right.

Me, as well as lots of others are right here for you man.
We can't take this away but we can help you cope with it.

thomasross20

Just texted my boss... saying I'm going to WFH until she's better and if that isn't looking likely then I'm going to take them up on the leave policy.

Bridgehouse

Alnico said:

Tommy,
This was never going to hit lightly. 
Keep your guard up and do what's right.

Me, as well as lots of others are right here for you man.
We can't take this away but we can help you cope with it.

And there's a lot of us right here for you...

Roland

Tom, you've nothing to lose by taking a few days off. It doesn't mean that you have to start the clock on your 3+3 months. If this turns out to be a blip then you can go back to work after a few days. If it doesn't the you'll be glad you took the time.

thomasross20

Thanks - defo going to dash into work tomorrow, grab my laptop, then come back here as soon as possible..... 
I feel good about cancelling the gig... 
I can WFH until she's better (fingers crossed). 
Doctor tomorrow...
Move is next week...

I think I'd be less stressed if it weren't for everything else going on - short notice wedding (all done but that was a lot of work), organising our last holiday abroad, this house move, work etc. Better get to bed now so I can get up early - cheers!

guitarfishbay

Best wishes Thomas.

Tomorrow marks a year since my g/f's mum passed away. Both my g/f and her brother took time off work, I took some days off and spent all my free time driving relatives to/from hospital and supporting... in this case the diagnosis to passing away was only 2 weeks but that wasn't known - projection was initially longer (potentially months), and was recalculated shorter but she deteriorated faster still... this wasn't cancer so isn't comparable from a medical standpoint, but the point is you can make money another time, but you can only spend time together now. By all means WFH and see what's happening, but don't fight your gut instinct on taking leave when that seems right

Alnico

I can't edit posts from this rubbish phone so I'll do it the old fashioned way. ..

"You can make money another time but you can only spend time together NOW."

Please Tommy.
Listen !

cruxiform

Tom, look after her as every minute spent will be precious mate. You have done a fantastic job already. You're an amazing guy and I'm not the only one who thinks that. 

TheBlueWolf

I agree with all the above Tommy. You need to be with Sheena

guitars4you

The whole of FB is wishing you all the best - spend as much time together as you can - give her a hug from all of us

richardhomer

If you'll forgive my personal take - when I faced the loss of a loved one to cancer - I tried to 'carry on as normal' as 'normal' felt better than dwelling on (what I knew) was the inevitable. I remember spending a lovely afternoon on my late sister's garden, with my surviving sister - eating fish and chips. It was rare the three of us spent time together - it is a treasured memory.

Tom - you are stoic beyond belief but - please forgive me for saying this - time is finite. When the end came for my sister, it was very sudden. Could I have spent more time with her? I'm afraid the answer is unequivocally 'yes'.

We all have your best interests at heart - the consensus seems to be that now's the time to make time. Best of luck with whatever you decide....

thomasross20

WFH next two weeks. 

She's just back from doctor... she might have a tumour in her chest/shoulder area so she's getting a CT scan within the next 3 weeks. The scan, I think, is just for the chest and shoulder area (!?) and if it shows tumour growth they say that radiotherapy will be recommended.

Doctor said she likely has a bad viral infection (with liver spread her sweats make sense, but her shivering indicates an infection) which should pass. She's going to stop the painkillers she's on and start taking small amounts of morphine for the pain. 

When he was prodding her she was wincing with pain - clearly her body hurting from the spread. 

Doctor specifically said not to take time off work (don't shoot the messenger!!) at this moment. The CT scan will be another point at which to re-evaluate. In the meantime I can be flexible with working from home. 

thomasross20

Ticketmaster are refunding my Aerosmith ticket cost considering the circumstances so all I'm losing out on is the flights - nice one, ticketmaster!!

guitarfishbay

thomasross20 said:

Ticketmaster are refunding my Aerosmith ticket cost considering the circumstances so all I'm losing out on is the flights - nice one, ticketmaster!!

That's great news. One less thing to worry about 

thomasross20

Defo, I'm well impressed with that..

Alnico

That's amazing news about Tickets. 
Well done to them.

If you can work from home until the CT scan then you're at least there with her albeit not completely "Off Work" but at least you're not disappering each day.

Well done man.

Snap

Hi Tom,

You are quite an inspiring fella you know. You've just put a lot of things into perspective mate.

Thoughts are with you all. And of course, anytime you need mate, get in touch. J

thomasross20

Oops, wrote all this in the wrong thread:
3:47am-
Bugger all sleep last night.
Tonight got to bed midnight. Woke up 1am, Sheena said pain in liver, chest, shoulders and back - 9/10. Took 1ml morphine in mouth. Rung 111 as no effect. Told to take another 1.5ml. No effect. Now I'm A&E at 3.40am so she can get a morphine muscular injection (just had it now in her arm). Marie curie was rung but they wanted to do syringe driver (in bed hooked up to the stuff!!) - no thanks. We still have to meet a district nurse... Palliative care nurse provides no care like this and NHS 111 seems hit and miss and takes TIME. Bit of a medical no man's land. Will try district nurse tomorrow.... The night is young yet...