Band Advice drugs.......

professorben

richardhomer said:

professorben said:

So......... 
they kicked me out of the band. 

On the basis that most of us don't like rejection - I'm sorry to hear this - but at least you now know for certain where their priorities lie.

I think for a band to work - or at least last - there needs to be a 'gang' mentality. Clearly what binds the others together isn't for you - so this is probably the best outcome. 

There are enough stresses in life, without trying to maintain an uneasy peace. I'm sure you will be able to find a more suitable outlet for your talent.... 

you are of course right, I'm pissed because I made a really big effort to overcome my feelings about it and move past my experiences, only to be told it's not good enough.

Im annoyed because this is the 3rd band in 18 months I've either been kicked out of or has died on its arse
1) told I was 'too technical' dispite never actually playing with them, after learning a half dozen original songs
2) band that never rehearsed due to everyone's schedule, 2 keys 3 bassists 2 drummers and 2 singers passed through our ranks in 12 months....
3) learned another half dozen fairly complex metal tunes with the group only to get fired.

im really close to just giving in an accepting I'm never going to be in a band again.

Bridgehouse

professorben said:

richardhomer said:

professorben said:

So......... 
they kicked me out of the band. 

On the basis that most of us don't like rejection - I'm sorry to hear this - but at least you now know for certain where their priorities lie.

I think for a band to work - or at least last - there needs to be a 'gang' mentality. Clearly what binds the others together isn't for you - so this is probably the best outcome. 

There are enough stresses in life, without trying to maintain an uneasy peace. I'm sure you will be able to find a more suitable outlet for your talent.... 

you are of course right, I'm pissed because I made a really big effort to overcome my feelings about it and move past my experiences, only to be told it's not good enough.

Im annoyed because this is the 3rd band in 18 months I've either been kicked out of or has died on its arse
1) told I was 'too technical' dispite never actually playing with them, after learning a half dozen original songs
2) band that never rehearsed due to everyone's schedule, 2 keys 3 bassists 2 drummers and 2 singers passed through our ranks in 12 months....
3) learned another half dozen fairly complex metal tunes with the group only to get fired.

im really close to just giving in an accepting I'm never going to be in a band again.

No. Don't do that.

You will find one. 

Youre clearly a talented player, and you will find the right home for your talent. 

professorben

Bridgehouse said:

professorben said:

richardhomer said:

professorben said:

So......... 
they kicked me out of the band. 

On the basis that most of us don't like rejection - I'm sorry to hear this - but at least you now know for certain where their priorities lie.

I think for a band to work - or at least last - there needs to be a 'gang' mentality. Clearly what binds the others together isn't for you - so this is probably the best outcome. 

There are enough stresses in life, without trying to maintain an uneasy peace. I'm sure you will be able to find a more suitable outlet for your talent.... 

you are of course right, I'm pissed because I made a really big effort to overcome my feelings about it and move past my experiences, only to be told it's not good enough.

Im annoyed because this is the 3rd band in 18 months I've either been kicked out of or has died on its arse
1) told I was 'too technical' dispite never actually playing with them, after learning a half dozen original songs
2) band that never rehearsed due to everyone's schedule, 2 keys 3 bassists 2 drummers and 2 singers passed through our ranks in 12 months....
3) learned another half dozen fairly complex metal tunes with the group only to get fired.

im really close to just giving in an accepting I'm never going to be in a band again.

No. Don't do that.

You will find one. 

Youre clearly a talented player, and you will find the right home for your talent. 

Yes






but I'm very annoying.

Bridgehouse

professorben said:

Bridgehouse 

No. Don't do that.

You will find one. 

Youre clearly a talented player, and you will find the right home for your talent. 

Yes






but I'm very annoying.

So am I

We all are to one extent or another - to varying degrees. 

Sometimes to others and sometimes to ourselves.

You think you are annoying in the contexts that you have been in. Others out there will shrug their shoulders and wonder what you're talking about. 

What about an online collaboration with others to get your creative fix for now whilst you look for the next thing? There's loads of guys about who will be up for that

professorben

Bridgehouse said:

professorben said:

Bridgehouse 

No. Don't do that.

You will find one. 

Youre clearly a talented player, and you will find the right home for your talent. 

Yes






but I'm very annoying.

So am I

We all are to one extent or another - to varying degrees. 

Sometimes to others and sometimes to ourselves.

You think you are annoying in the contexts that you have been in. Others out there will shrug their shoulders and wonder what you're talking about. 

What about an online collaboration with others to get your creative fix for now whilst you look for the next thing? There's loads of guys about who will be up for that

Yeah I did that for a while after I quit my band about 6 years ago. 

This is kind of stuff 

https://m.soundcloud.com/ben-caffrey-1/survive-the-fall-full-mix

Never really saw anything through to completion, I always found a lack of momentum. 

Bridgehouse

professorben said:

Bridgehouse said:

professorben said:

Bridgehouse 

No. Don't do that.

You will find one. 

Youre clearly a talented player, and you will find the right home for your talent. 

Yes






but I'm very annoying.

So am I

We all are to one extent or another - to varying degrees. 

Sometimes to others and sometimes to ourselves.

You think you are annoying in the contexts that you have been in. Others out there will shrug their shoulders and wonder what you're talking about. 

What about an online collaboration with others to get your creative fix for now whilst you look for the next thing? There's loads of guys about who will be up for that

Yeah I did that for a while after I quit my band about 6 years ago. 

This is kind of stuff 

https://m.soundcloud.com/ben-caffrey-1/survive-the-fall-full-mix

Never really saw anything through to completion, I always found a lack of momentum. 

I can understand the lack of momentum. It was a suggestion to keep you motivated and moving forward. It's clear your motivation is creating and playing live and I feel the same way so I know where you are coming from. 

Some people are happy playing and recording at home, others not. I'm in the latter category and so are you. 

I've been out of playing live for a few years as I moved house a long way from my previous band. I thought I was done with it - but it's eating away at me. Got to the point where it's auditions time. Nowadays at my age auditions are as much about deciding if the other guys in a band are actually a good fit and not going to drive me to distraction or me them. 

Lol, we don't half get set in our ways huh?

Voxman

professorben said:

So......... 
they kicked me out of the band. 

Well, what do you expect from a load of drug crazed delinquents who are more concerned at getting their next fix than having a good guitarist...their loss mate, don't sweat it & keep on rockin'! 

mudslide73

I'm sorry to hear about this mate. They're c***s and you'll find a better band. 

TheBigDipper

professorben said:

So......... 
they kicked me out of the band. 

@professorben - It probably feels like s**t right now, but that won't last. You should think of all those evenings you won't have to spend with people who have behavioural habits that cause you distress. 

Well done for stepping up and telling them how you feel. Most people in bands never do that and just waste their lives trudging through the years in bands with people that annoy them - often quietly resenting the time and effort it takes from their lives, but unable to see a way forwards that would make things better.

A band that communicates clearly and truthfully with each other is a very powerful thing and should be cherished. It's rare. 

You've just been ejected from a band that isn't going anywhere and will only consume you. Why be upset about that? 

professorben

TheBigDipper said:

professorben said:

So......... 
they kicked me out of the band. 

@professorben - It probably feels like s**t right now, but that won't last. You should think of all those evenings you won't have to spend with people who have behavioural habits that cause you distress. 

Well done for stepping up and telling them how you feel. Most people in bands never do that and just waste their lives trudging through the years in bands with people that annoy them - often quietly resenting the time and effort it takes from their lives, but unable to see a way forwards that would make things better.

A band that communicates clearly and truthfully with each other is a very powerful thing and should be cherished. It's rare. 

You've just been ejected from a band that isn't going anywhere and will only consume you. Why be upset about that? 

Yeah you are all right, obviously it's not great when you get booted for personal reasons not musical but hey, life goes on. 

digitalscream

professorben said:

TheBigDipper said:

professorben said:

So......... 
they kicked me out of the band. 

@professorben - It probably feels like s**t right now, but that won't last. You should think of all those evenings you won't have to spend with people who have behavioural habits that cause you distress. 

Well done for stepping up and telling them how you feel. Most people in bands never do that and just waste their lives trudging through the years in bands with people that annoy them - often quietly resenting the time and effort it takes from their lives, but unable to see a way forwards that would make things better.

A band that communicates clearly and truthfully with each other is a very powerful thing and should be cherished. It's rare. 

You've just been ejected from a band that isn't going anywhere and will only consume you. Why be upset about that? 

Yeah you are all right, obviously it's not great when you get booted for personal reasons not musical but hey, life goes on. 

Truthfully, I'd be more upset at being booted for musical of professionalism reasons. Then again, I never was that bothered about people

professorben

digitalscream said:

professorben said:

TheBigDipper said:

professorben said:

So......... 
they kicked me out of the band. 

@professorben - It probably feels like s**t right now, but that won't last. You should think of all those evenings you won't have to spend with people who have behavioural habits that cause you distress. 

Well done for stepping up and telling them how you feel. Most people in bands never do that and just waste their lives trudging through the years in bands with people that annoy them - often quietly resenting the time and effort it takes from their lives, but unable to see a way forwards that would make things better.

A band that communicates clearly and truthfully with each other is a very powerful thing and should be cherished. It's rare. 

You've just been ejected from a band that isn't going anywhere and will only consume you. Why be upset about that? 

Yeah you are all right, obviously it's not great when you get booted for personal reasons not musical but hey, life goes on. 

Truthfully, I'd be more upset at being booted for musical of professionalism reasons. Then again, I never was that bothered about people

Honestly I still can't quite wrap my head around it, they like me, I play great guitar, I just don't do drugs......
I really really don't understand the rationale, but then the mind of an addict is not always the most logical of places. 

menamestom

professorben said:

 
I really really don't understand the rationale, but then the mind of an addict is not always the most logical of places. 

Too bad about the band.  I guess sometimes people just have differences in life.

I play in a band with smokers, it doesn't bother me too much other than the room usually being full of smoke, although I do send them outside. 

I wouldn't call them 'addicts' though', they enjoy a weekly musical wind down and a joint, it doesn't affect their playing so I'm fine with that.  We all have a break say between sets, they have a smoke and then we carry on.  They don't smoke all day, it doesn't seem to affect their lives so personally I don't judge. 

I have read most of the thread and symapthise with your experience and position, I can also see their point of view however, they want to make their choice as adults without being dictated to.  If you think of them as illogical addicts I think that's possibly answers your question about their rationale.  It's just a pity their love of weed will set them back musically now they have to replace you.  Although I can understand their position, it wouldn't have been a massive sacrifice to go a few hours without a joint.

Still they have lost a good guitarist, so it's not ideal for them either and they are the ones breaking the law.There are plenty of musicians about with a zero tolerance on drugs, so I think sticking to your guns will enable you to seek like minded people in the future. 

I've spent many a year in Reggae bands so may be I'm just de sensitised to this kind of thing.

professorben

menamestom said:

professorben said:

 
I really really don't understand the rationale, but then the mind of an addict is not always the most logical of places. 

Too bad about the band.  I guess sometimes people just have differences in life.

I play in a band with smokers, it doesn't bother me too much other than the room usually being full of smoke, although I do send them outside. 

I wouldn't call them 'addicts' though', they enjoy a weekly musical wind down and a joint, it doesn't affect their playing so I'm fine with that.  We all have a break say between sets, they have a smoke and then we carry on.  They don't smoke all day, it doesn't seem to affect their lives so personally I don't judge. 

I have read most of the thread and symapthise with your experience and position, I can also see their point of view however, they want to make their choice as adults without being dictated to.  If you think of them as illogical addicts I think that's possibly answers your question about their rationale.  It's just a pity their love of weed will set them back musically now they have to replace you.  Although I can understand their position, it wouldn't have been a massive sacrifice to go a few hours without a joint.

Still they have lost a good guitarist, so it's not ideal for them either and they are the ones breaking the law.There are plenty of musicians about with a zero tolerance on drugs, so I think sticking to your guns will enable you to seek like minded people in the future. 

I've spent many a year in Reggae bands so may be I'm just de sensitised to this kind of thing.

Yeah, I think my negative experience has made me a hard liner about it, I grew up in a very hippy environment, tried my first joint at 13, never really saw the appeal, just makes you dizzy and hungry, and seeing as I'm already clumsy and fat it really doesn't add to my skill set. 

I would say that being unable to abstain from drugs for 3 hours on a Sunday evening and kicking me out of the band over it really does label them as addicts though, I'm aware that weed is not physically addictive, but psychologically it is very much so. 

One of my heroes Frank Zappa had a no drugs policy, and it didn't seem to stifle his creativity. 

However I put the word out I'm looking and I've got a new project in place already, drummer and bassist nearby who have their own secure room on a farm, so I'm going to go to town and set up a monster stereo rig 

guitarfishbay

Sucks you got fired but it's most likely because they don't feel you fit in with how they want to spend their time in the band.

It's not all about the music for some people and the escapism aspect can be just as big a factor, as can just wanting some time away from work/family/life in general with some like minded people.

You'll find something that suits you at some point.  FWIW nobody in my band does drugs and people barely drink either.

menamestom

professorben said:

menamestom said:

 

However I put the word out I'm looking and I've got a new project in place already, drummer and bassist nearby who have their own secure room on a farm, so I'm going to go to town and set up a monster stereo rig 

Well good luck, onwards and upwards!

I'd definitely be getting a full stack if I practised on a farm!

Bridgehouse

menamestom said:

professorben said:

menamestom said:

 

However I put the word out I'm looking and I've got a new project in place already, drummer and bassist nearby who have their own secure room on a farm, so I'm going to go to town and set up a monster stereo rig 

Well good luck, onwards and upwards!

I'd definitely be getting a full stack if I practised on a farm!

Not a haystack then?

Strangefan

That's utterly ridiculous, even tho I have no issue with weed its  Not something to base a band or friendships on, I feel for you dood, if youre near the Midlands come and dep for us!:)

 

monquixote

All the bands that I've been in where people have a 4 pack / joint / line during practice have always ended up with the second half of any given session being a write off. I don't think I'd put up with it now. It's band practice not weekend rock stars social club.

Unfortunately most people who think it doesn't affect their playing are wrong. All the decent bands I've been in have had a no drugs / booze during practice policy even if people hit it hard the rest of the time.

One band I played in the keys and guitarist were stoners and the drummer was a coke head. After half time they would get into blazing rows about who was playing too fast and who too slow.

starwarsnosebleed

So 4 family men split a 4-pack of lager.....between 4 people....and had a spliff during a cigarette break, and it didnt stifle the practise or creativity at all.

Truly deranged cringeworthy druggy animals of the highest order!

BTW Ive never heard of anybody in the UK getting 5 years inside for smoking a spliff.
As far as weed being as dangerous as Ketamine, that is a massive LOL.

I feel sorry for you getting kicked out of the band, but it sounds like you have overeacted to a pretty minor thing (although illegal, i know) the only person that was getting upset was you, and (dont mean to offend you, but..) id imagine they think you are a bit uptight.

If it had no affect on your practice, and they were all decent family guys, i cant really see a problem.