This is just killing me.. and I cannot understand why.
I've been playing for about 30 years and I consider myself a pretty capable guitarist and musician. As soon as anyone other than my immediate family are watching or listening I literally cannot play. I'm not overstating this. It's like my brain just turns off and I lose total control of my fingers.. even the simplest thing becomes literally impossible to play..
I played in bands when I was a kid and never had this issue. I played in a band a few years ago and it was somewhat hellish. Did it for three years and it never got any easier but I could always 'blend' into the band and hide behind a mic stand. When it's just me and a guitar forget it..
Just to illustrate how bad things are I've actually given up having lessons with real people. I would practice like crazy but when it came time to playing what I'd worked on in front of my tutor(s) I would simply choke.. to the point where I had one tutor tell me there was no point in me paying for lessons if I wasn't going to practice.. I could execute the piece I had learned flawlessly at home..
Ironically I speak to reasonably large audiences on a regular basis with my work and I'm about as confident a public speaker as you can find..
Help..
Si
Comments
I also sat downstairs in the room with a few of the chaps and played at about 15% of my actual capability..
I also speak in front of large audiences for a living, and find it completely stress free.
Despite that, playing in front of people, I'm a wreck. Similarly, I never had nerves playing in bands when younger. The last time I played in public and didn't find myself stricken with nerves was when I did a "pit band" gig in a theatre for an opera thing (Brecht/Weill), where the amount of rehearsal we'd done, basically stopped me from being crippled by nerves. I can sort of get by if I am jamming (e.g. doing gypsy jazz) where improv somehow mitigates the worst nerves but classical, or rock stuff, where I have to be "right", I'm just a total bag of nerves, and my hands literally stop working and cramp up through tension and stress.
On the plus side, when I was taking classical lessons, and the odd jazz lesson, I was fine. One on one with a tutor was OK, but in public, with people watching, just a total disaster. Sometimes, I play well (from the audience's point of view), but the whole time, I am on the edge of total disaster (internally). And sometimes, I really am a disaster.
I'm also a pretty decent player. I'm certainly a much better player (from a purely technical point of view) than a lot of people I know who enjoy playing with bands, and who are successful at doing that.
@Matt_McG - sorry to hear that you suffer in the same way.. I know exactly what you mean..
I know this is hard to explain but I don't think this is something I can just play my way out of. The symptoms I suffer aren't just nerves or apprehension - I know what these feel like and in other activities such as public speaking, exams etc. I am actually a personality that seems to get sharper/better at things when operating under those conditions.
When it comes to playing however it's not nerves in the sense that most would understand; it's pretty much total debilitation mentally and physically. Almost impossible to explain..
Perhaps I am doomed to be the eternal bedroom guitarist.
Si
It isn't as hard for me if I am recording things I've written myself, or if I'm improvising, or just doing playful jamming. I can enjoy that. But playing something that I need to know from start to finish, in front of other people, my hands just break down. I suspect doing it more (e.g. the Youtube suggestion above) might work for me over time. But it would be really hard work.
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But I have to say having done Water Rats I definitely want to do more.
Been uploading old tracks I recorded ages ago and hopefully some new noodles here.
In case it's of use, some stuff I have found helpful.
Just resign yourself to the fact it might be crap. Not to say visualise that it will be crap. But if it is, don't beat yourself up, just accept it and keep on anyway. There will probably be some OK or good bits and be grateful for those.
Don't drink through it, makes it worse long term. Warm up before if you can (this makes a huge difference). Get on stage, get comfy and make some noise before you start - line check or whatever, play a lick or two. If you are improvising, try and work out a few licks to fall back on in case of panic. The more you do it the easier it gets, it's about rewiring your brain to focus on the good parts, easier said than done, but...
Si
https://www.amazon.com/Inner-Game-Music-Barry-Green/dp/0385231261
and
https://www.amazon.com/Effortless-Mastery-Liberating-Master-Musician/dp/156224003X
Studio: https://www.voltperoctave.com
Music: https://www.euclideancircuits.com
Me: https://www.jamesrichmond.com
Here's an example of how bad it is. I had a couple of good friends over on Saturday night for a meal. At some point my wife dragged them into my guitar room (largely to seek support around the fact that she thinks (knows) I have too much gear!). Bear in mind these are people I've known for years, are not musical in any way and couldn't give a toss about whether I can play or not. As soon as I'm in there I start to feel the dread and the inevitable happens and they say 'go on, play a bit'. I try and put them off but it's futile and I end up bashing out a few chords and some funky rhythm just to play something. During the whole experience I know that if I tried to play anything more than these something things I'd struggle..
One more example. I went to the guitar show on Sunday. On reflection about my worst nightmare scenario I walk around the stands looking at things I'd love to play but just don't for obvious reasons. I eventually pick up the courage to have a quick go on a Vemuram Shanks ODS-1. This is on a stand with a chap who looks like he absolutely couldn't give a fuck about anything and I'm plugged into headphones where absolutely nobody can hear me. Again I just can't play anything more than a few chords..
It just doesn't make any sense..