Geekiest joke possible.

DarnWeight · November 2019

Image: https://searchengineland.com/figz/wp-content/seloads/2018/10/2-google-easter-egg-recursion-600x357.png

Kebabkid · November 2019

A guy in a bar has been eyeing up a young lady and goes over to her and says
'How about we drink up here and we go back to yours for a bit of hokey pokey'

She says 'I can't. I'm on my menstrual cycle
He replies 'That's ok. I'll follow you in my Honda'

Dominic · November 2019

How do you tell the difference between an Auditor and an Actuary ?
Auditors are far less introverted..........they look at YOUR shoes when they are talking to you

drofluf · November 2019

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a
beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all
her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway.

kjdowd · November 2019

A photon checks into a hotel

"Any luggage?" Asks the receptionist

"No," says the photon, "I'm travelling light"

slacker · November 2019

Vetinary surgeon-Mr Schrodinger I have good news and bad news.

TheOtherDennis · November 2019

Schrodinger is driving home from work one night when the police stop him.

"Sorry, sir, it's just a routine check."

While one is looking over his driving licence, the other gives the car the once over. After a bit, he comes round and says "Excuse me, sir, but did you know you have a box in the boot of your car with a dead cat in it?"

Schrodinger replies "Well it is now, you fucking idiot."

fretmeister · November 2019

Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist who got off on a technicality?

RandallFlagg · November 2019

What does it mean if you dont understand most of the "jokes" posted in this thread?

Fretwired · November 2019

RandallFlagg said:

What does it mean if you dont understand most of the "jokes" posted in this thread?

Tick the LOL and pretend you're in on the gag .. then write something that is totally bonkers that nobody understands but attracts lots of LOLs ... that's how it works .. isn't it? :-)

rsvmark · November 2019

An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" asked the architect and artist in unison. The engineer replied, "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume that you are spending time with the other woman, so you can go to the office and get some work done."

TheOtherDennis · November 2019

Not sure if this one fits, really, but I like it...

A doctor, an architect and a salesman are out walking their dogs across the moor when a sudden mist comes down and envelops them.

Clearly not safe to continue, they luckily find an old building to shelter in for a while till the cloud lifts.

Whilst there, they notice a pile of old bones in the corner.

The doctor points to the bones and says "My dog is pretty special."

"Here we go," think the other two.

"Yes," the doc continues. "I've trained him to perfection to be a perfect representation of who I am. See those bones over there? Watch this." He whistles to his dog, points to the bones and says "Fix!" The dog jumps up, runs over and rearranges the bones into the skeleton of the animal that it once had been.

"Impressive!" say the other two. But the gauntlet has been thrown. First to pick it up is the architect.

"As it happens, I've done the same with my dog. Watch this." He whistles to his dog and says "Sort!" The dog jumps up and rearranges the bones into a post-modernist sculpture.

"Aye, right you are, knobheads," snorts the salesman. "Think they represent you, do they? Watch this." He gives his dog a gentle nudge in the ribs, tips his head towards the bones, and the dog looks up, sniffs, farts, scratches his ear, saunters over to the bones, eats them, then shags the other two dogs before fucking off for the rest of the afternoon without telling anyone where he's gone.