Phrases you think are common but nobody else has heard before

AlexC

Having no money - “I’m as broke as a Les Paul Headstock.”


*I may have just made this up.

robgilmo

In and out like a fiddlers elbow, frantic sex.

robgilmo

Not as slow as I walk easy.

Dominic

robgilmo said:

Couldn't pull your cock straight , to describe an underpowered car.

OR THE ALTERNATIVE;
Couldn't pull back a foreskin

Dominic

Foster said:

77ric said:

Like throwing a chipolata up a close. Used to call some one out for having a small cock. 

The reply to which can often be

even a jumbo jet looks small in the Grand Canyon. 

Reminds me of the joke Mike Reid used in his stand up (during a routine about having it off with some trollop)

"You've got a small organ"
"Well it's never played in a cathedral before"

 Friend who was dating a woman with 6 kids said
"She's got a fanny like a Clown's Pocket "

robgilmo

Suck a golf ball through a garden hose, a fairly decent blow job.

Iamnobody

Dominic said:

Foster said:

77ric said:

Like throwing a chipolata up a close. Used to call some one out for having a small cock. 

The reply to which can often be

even a jumbo jet looks small in the Grand Canyon. 

Reminds me of the joke Mike Reid used in his stand up (during a routine about having it off with some trollop)

"You've got a small organ"
"Well it's never played in a cathedral before"

 Friend who was dating a woman with 6 kids said
"She's got a fanny like a Clown's Pocket "

Similarly  - she’s got a fanny like an empty headlock.

Or like a hippo’s yawn.

Another good one:

She’s been cocked more more times than Elmer Fudd’s shotgun. 

Nitefly

Up and down like a bride's nightie.

hywelg

bacchanalian said:

Would not piss in your ear if your brain were on fire

Corrected

randella

hywelg said:

bacchanalian said:

Would not piss in your ear if your brain were on fire

Corrected

Face, teeth. 

I’d be interested to know just how many variations of this one alone exist in common parlance. 

Snags

Rough as a witch's elbow
As thick as two planks nailed to a brick
Not as green as I'm cabbage looking
Blind man on a galloping horse would be glad to see it (think  that may already have been mentioned)


I find D minor is the saddest of all keys (interjected into any serious conversation on music) 

Phil_aka_Pip

Cold as a witch's tit

TTBZ

On a mates stag do, his cousin came out with some great ones that I'd never heard before:

"She had a fanny like a ripped out fireplace"
"Teeth like a blown fuse box"

tone1

I’m as dry as Gandhi’s flip-flops

boogieman

Barry Humpries had some cracking phrases:

She had a fanny like a plasterer’s radio. (For the aftermath of a particularly vigorous night of pleasure) 

(He was so tight.....) he wouldnt give you the steam off his piss. 

(He was so generous)...... he’d give you his arsehole and shit through his ribs. 

grungebob

Cock in gob gay is a popular saying round these parts used to describe the scale of gayness from he’s a bit flamboyant to the aforementioned top of the scale. 

Couldn’t catch a pig in a ginnel- Yorkshire for allyway

fanny like a wizards sleeve

low resolution fox - a woman who only looks good from a distance. 

Face like a plasterers radio / face like the top of a sauce bottle.  Refers to a lady of the night with plenty of gentlemen callers evident. 

tone1

Red sky at night...........Barn on fire.

mudslide73

I wouldn't touch her wi yowers - not my type old bean.

equalsql

Backer's way on.. The wrong way round.

Like waving a wand in the Albert Hall  .. another 'loose-fit' reference.

Face like the back of a Hants and Dorset .. Hampshire and Dorset being a regional bus company.

Got a face like a smacked arse... embarrassed.

A double-bagger.. when the lady one is 'with' is so ugly that you both wear a paper-bag on your head just in case her's falls off.

FazTheWookie

Sweatin' like a blind lesbian in a fishmongers.