Uh oh Fender... Instagram accusations of being misogynistic

WiresDreamDisasters

@thebreeze


I think your threshold for what is dismissive and rude is so low that it doesn't seem particularly useful. And your attempted brow-beating is so disproportionate to the actual crime that I can only think it is you who has ideology at the centre of your mindset.

No-one called her names, no-one abused her, no-one said her lived experiences were invalid. I made a stupid joke about Christmas jumpers. Big whoop.

I've not called anyone a twat. Several people here have. I've not insulted anyone's sex or gender. Several people here have. I think you need to open your horizons a bit as to what politeness and consideration actually are.

One guy made a joke about my wife leaving me for (presumably) someone more like him - y'know... supposedly thoughtful... supposedly more self aware .... - am I crying?

Yes I am actually. It reaaaaalllyyy upset me. No, really. It did! I'm heartbroken! I feel like throwing myself off the top of the next multi-story!

.... point being, if you really cared about politeness, you'd be better off tackling more than a bloody joke about sad-sacks who wear Christmas jumpers in the middle of July!

And she didn't even seem that bothered. You're more bothered about it than she was, which says a lot.



Anyway, I've said my piece. You lot can carry on and whinge about the state of the world if you like. I don't really have anything to add to my viewpoint. But I do think it's important that all viewpoints are expressed, and that people don't feel bullied into silence when they disagree with prevailing notions. It's too important. A lot of people believe they have the high ground because plenty of people who disagree just keep quiet to keep the peace. This is a long-term self-defeatist strategy in my opinion, which is why I express myself on such subjects. Society is too important, and we all have a stake in it.

thebreeze

WiresDreamDisasters said:

@thebreeze


I think your threshold for what is dismissive and rude is so low that it doesn't seem particularly useful. And your attempted brow-beating is so disproportionate to the actual crime that I can only think it is you who has ideology at the centre of your mindset.  I admit I'm constantly surprised by how rude and dismissive people can be with each other on-line.  I've never been comfortable with it.  Some people are more sensitive than others.  I'm not trying to brow-beat anyone and I'm not calling anything a crime, just pointing out that it can really helpful and give soil for growth if people are bit more willing to try and reflect and see things from where other people are coming from rather than just sticking to an ideology above all else - otherwise nothing changes or it becomes confrontational. (It does strike me that given your history of brow-beating, coolering and breaks etc. you might be a bit projecting with your language and sentiment here)

No-one called her names, no-one abused her, no-one said her lived experiences were invalid. I made a stupid joke about Christmas jumpers. Big whoop.  Fair enough, but see above.

I've not called anyone a twat. Several people here have. I've not insulted anyone's sex or gender. Several people here have. I think you need to open your horizons a bit as to what politeness and consideration actually are.  We just have quite different views on what politeness and consideration are I think.

One guy made a joke about my wife leaving me for (presumably) someone more like him - y'know... supposedly thoughtful... supposedly more self aware .... - am I crying?

Yes I am actually. It reaaaaalllyyy upset me. No, really. It did! I'm heartbroken! I feel like throwing myself off the top of the next multi-story!

.... point being, if you really cared about politeness, you'd be better off tackling more than a bloody joke about sad-sacks who wear Christmas jumpers in the middle of July!  I'm sorry if what I've said feels like I'm just concentrating on you, it wasn't meant to. 

And she didn't even seem that bothered. You're more bothered about it than she was, which says a lot.  We don't know if she was bothered or not.  I'm okay to admit it bothered me.



Anyway, I've said my piece. You lot can carry on and whinge about the state of the world if you like. I don't really have anything to add to my viewpoint. But I do think it's important that all viewpoints are expressed, and that people don't feel bullied into silence when they disagree with prevailing notions. It's too important. A lot of people believe they have the high ground because plenty of people who disagree just keep quiet to keep the peace. This is a long-term self-defeatist strategy in my opinion, which is why I express myself on such subjects. Society is too important, and we all have a stake in it.  I agree wholeheartedly with your sentiment here, the bit that I think is missing and is the point I'm trying to stress, is that whilst standing your ground and saying your piece try to reach over and live where that other person is that you're addressing (fucking difficult given they're "just" a few abstract words on a screen).  That's very difficult to do if you sincerely try (I mean really try to live it) but if you do do it something will happen, real and meaningful change can can occur.  Both parties have to be equally open and willing to do this though.

Finally, I very often think you've got really interesting things to say and I nearly always disagree with your politics or stance.  I think we both like a joke.  I admire your openness and willingness to engage and debate.

Brio

Whilst @Brio would like to "bring us all together" perhaps it might be appropriate to actually do that, you know, in a real sense? 

I really would like that. I missed on the chance to meet folk from here in the past with some of the musical meetings from the MR days but it always entertains me how many people I can't stand the internet persona of are actually my kind of people.

Its too easy to respond with no real consequence without seeing if any hurt has been metered out by a 'well chosen' barb. And without any negative feedback the loop keeps intensifying.

How many people on here really have a dog in this fight? Probably considerably less than the number of posters.

beed84

Fml, what a thread. I don't know what's worse. Fender's post, the perceived offensiveness of it, or some of the content here.