Funeral Dress Code

JerkMoans

It's interesting how traditions can differ so markedly.  Last funeral I attended was a Hindu ceremony, where wearing anything black is considered highly inappropriate, and the mourners all wear white.  It was explained to me that white is considered to symbolise purity and rebirth, and thus the 'positive' aspects of such an otherwise sad occasion.

guitars4you

Well so much for today’s funeral 
my mate has a nail in his coffin 
I have a nail in my tyre 
30 mile drive - Trye place can’t fix it until tomorrow morning 

Dominic

JerkMoans said:

It's interesting how traditions can differ so markedly.  Last funeral I attended was a Hindu ceremony, where wearing anything black is considered highly inappropriate, and the mourners all wear white.  It was explained to me that white is considered to symbolise purity and rebirth, and thus the 'positive' aspects of such an otherwise sad occasion.

In my religion the requirement is not to 'celebrate' death......so you don't dress especially for it but go wearing whatever your normal working-day wear would be .......it's pretty straightforward for office workers etc , not so difficult for a Gardener or a Car Mechanic ..........but I do have a second cousin who is a Search/Rescue Diver although I doubt he would go in a frogman suit .

boogieman

Last funeral I went to was a few weeks back. Most of the older men were in suits. I wore dark jacket and trousers plus white shirt and black tie. The younger lads all seemed to be in dark smart-casual clothes or jeans and fleece. 

SlopeSoarer

It depends whether or not I liked them!

Not really.

In retirement I have a navy suit for weddings and funerals but listen to what the family say and if nothing is said I turn up in suit and black tie.

Jeans and t shirt for my funeral or something equally casual. and enjoy a few drinks afterwards.

Supportact

I do actually own a black suit, and as I don't normally wear suits day to day, in the past I've gone wearing the black suit. It's been a while though and the black suit is now about 10 years old, so next time we'll have to see if I can get into it. If not, I'll have to go casual.

Timcito

Seems unimportant to me what people wear. Don't dress like a ragamuffin, sure, but wear whatever you want within reason. 

TTony

It always depends.

For my father's funeral, my mother expressly said "no black or sombre clothes".  And I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want that when her time comes either.

Other people, families or situations will differ though.  In some ways it's unhelpful that the old traditions don't apply anymore, but in other ways maybe it makes the process a bit more personal, meaningful and memorable to those involved.

Philly_Q

I guess when all's said and done, if you turn up in a suit and tie you'll definitely be the most formally dressed person there, but nobody's going to think there's anything weird or inappropriate about it.

ICBM

I have a black corduroy 'suit', which is actually a jacket and a pair of black corduroy 501s, which are a good match. Corduroy is an excellent material since it doesn't crease and thus can be stuffed into a small case for travel to distant funerals by train, since almost all my relatives live in the south of England. I also have a couple of dark subtly floral pattern shirts - which also don't show creases - and a black tie, and a pair of black leather shoes. I look stupid in a suit at the best of times, so that's about as much as I can get away with while looking reasonably respectful.

Ozzie744

Whether it's a suit and tie or just slacks and a collared shirt, as long as you look tidy and respectful I think you're ok.
Definitely no shorts or sneakers.

JerkMoans

I recall in Wiseguy, the book on which the movie Goodfellas was based, an anecdote about a bunch of mafiosi attending the funeral of a chap from a rival family, all sporting lurid pink suits as a gesture of contempt.

Probably best avoided, unless backed by the mob.

Funkfingers

I live approximately ten miles from Milford Haven where the rules for when to wear a suit and tie are:
1) Weddings
2) Funerals
3) Court appearances.

Outlandishly jolly clothing might not always be acceptable but showing up is usually preferable over not showing up.

maltingsaudio

Don’t quite understand this thread, the important thing is   you turn up if you feel you have to or want to, doesn’t matter what you wear as long a it doesn’t smell.

blobb

Whatever you feel is right, but avoid brown shoes and remember you can never be overdressed.

Roland

At my age I go to too many funerals. Two in the last four weeks. So this is something that I’ve thought a lot about. 

As @fretmeister said “Funerals … are for the living”. My first priority is to show the family of the deceased how highly I regarded their loved one. If we are being conventional then it will be black suit, white shirt, black tie, and polished shoes. If the instruction is “no black”, as last week’s was, then it’s blue suit, coloured shirt and matching tie. I appreciate that some people aren’t comfortable wearing a suit, and may not even own one. That’s their choice, and I won’t think any less of them. Having worn a suit for work for forty years its second nature, and I’ve got a few left over from my working days.

The second priority is for me to feel that I’ve shown due respect. Since retiring I’ve lived in jeans. Gigs and funerals are the only times I get to dress otherwise.

Roland

Tannin said: He didn't want a funeral. So they had one anyway ..

A university friend of mine died a few years ago. He found all social situations difficult, and asked for no funeral. A couple of months later we met for a party in his memory. His son stood up to say a few words, starting with “My dad would have HATED this party …”

Teyeplayer

I’m with @roland on this one. It’s always a sharp dark suit for a funeral, I consider that respectful and appropriate. Tie choice is dictated by the view of the family -yesterday’s was a black tie, I’d have liked to have worn a particular black paisley tie, but there were family members who I know would have felt that was disrespectful. Particularly as I move away from my punk youth, I would prefer to avoid confrontation on a day that isn’t about me. I have also found in my experience, that it is always better to be over dressed rather than underdressed. Although, I appreciate I am in the minority that have a suit wardrobe that is starting to resemble Barney Stinson’s.

fretmeister

maltingsaudio said:

Don’t quite understand this thread, the important thing is   you turn up if you feel you have to or want to, doesn’t matter what you wear as long a it doesn’t smell.

It’s not quite that simple. 

The closer family of the deceased might be offended by your clothing choice. It’s a hard and terrible day for them and no attendee should do anything that might make it worse. 

You and me may have no issue with the person standing next to us wearing a onesie but spouse / mum / offspring of the deceased might. This is one of those occasions where their views are more important.

It would be unconscionable to do anything that the close family might interpret as taking the piss. 

The default should be something anonymous. If in doubt, ask. 

boogieman

Roland said:

At my age I go to too many funerals. Two in the last four weeks. So this is something that I’ve thought a lot about. 

As @fretmeister said “Funerals … are for the living”. My first priority is to show the family of the deceased how highly I regarded their loved one. If we are being conventional then it will be black suit, white shirt, black tie, and polished shoes. If the instruction is “no black”, as last week’s was, then it’s blue suit, coloured shirt and matching tie. I appreciate that some people aren’t comfortable wearing a suit, and may not even own one. That’s their choice, and I won’t think any less of them. Having worn a suit for work for forty years its second nature, and I’ve got a few left over from my working days.

The second priority is for me to feel that I’ve shown due respect. Since retiring I’ve lived in jeans. Gigs and funerals are the only times I get to dress otherwise.

Yep. You know you’re getting old when you start going to more funerals than weddings. I’ve been to three funerals in the last year, plus there were another couple that I couldn’t make, whereas the last wedding was about three years ago.