Friday humour

munckee

Are you erm, follicly challenged Rocktron?

ESBlonde

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?" "I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show." "Sensible" says Jeff. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw." "And what happened then?" (Paul slumps back over the bar again.) "I kicked her in the face.

Hootsmon

rocktron

No Speaka de Ingleesh
 
  A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. 

 A lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

“Emma come first.
Den I come. 
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again,
and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time." 

 "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine", retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives" 
 
"Hey, coola down lady," said the Italian gent. “Who talkin' abouta sex?  I'm a justa tellin' my  frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

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Driving Under the Influence

 A Highway Patrolman pulled a car over. When he asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to do a show that night for a birthday party and didn't want to be late.

The Officer told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.

The driver told the Officer that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The Officer told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them.

The juggler stated that he could, so the Officer got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car, driven erratically, pulled in behind the patrol car and a drunk got out and watched the performance briefly. He then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.

The Officer observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, "You might as well take my ass to jail, coz there's no way in hell I can pass that test."

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Fretwired

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Fretwired

This year's top toy for Christmas is divorced Barbie.

Unfortunately, it costs £5,000.

Mind you, it comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat and Ken's wardrobe.

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Fretwired

Albert Einstein was considered to be a great credit to his family ... unlike his brother Frank

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