Ways to annoy your wife, what works for you?

BloodEagle

Bloody women eh? Infernal creatures! 

Jalapeno

Not sure I've bottomed out that endless pit yet. We're only married 31yrs - still discovering new ways daily.

Guaranteed wind-up is to mansplain why you don't mow wet grass, always results in "Lazy bastard".

57Deluxe

"you not seriously wearing that? It makes you look even fatter..."

That should do it...

Dominic

Or ....
Does my bum look big in this?
YES

Nitefly

Dominic said:

Or ....
Does my bum look big in this?

Compared to what?

Dominic

Oh another way of annoyong my wife........
Speeding in the car and making her feel sick ......ie trying to go faster than 30mph on a motorway !!

Grunfeld

Dominic said:

Or ....
Does my bum look big in this?
YES

I don't think they're as literal as us.
"Does this dress make me look fat?"
"No, not at all."
" :-)  " 
"It's your fat that makes you look fat."
 

darthed1981

Picking up a guitar, seriously, if she is in the room I can't play.

Sesh

Knives. The wife was struggling to cut a watermelon with a bread knife. If I'd mentioned that the reason she was struggling was because she was using the wrong knife I'd probably have an extra hole by now.

underdog

Sesh said:

Knives. The wife was struggling to cut a watermelon with a bread knife. If I'd mentioned that the reason she was struggling was because she was using the wrong knife I'd probably have an extra hole by now.

My misses is exactly the same, always seems to select the wrong knife, a bread knife for fruit, a non serrated blade for cutting bread, a tiny knife to cut a swede etc I swear she does it to get angry with me when I suggest a different knife 

quarky

My wife does that too with the knives. Bizarre.

Dominic

So does mine .....she was trying to use a breadknife to cut up a neighbour we had a dispute with long after I told her to use a machete.

Snap

If i interfere with her cooking. even if the pan is on too high, and something is sticking, nope, I have to leave it alone. Not allowed to even look at the pan.

Apparently making loud breathing noises in my sleep, but then I haven't heard them......

Not listening. Thing is, after the umpteenth instruction or task to do, my mind goes into lockdown and it all becomes just noise.

57Deluxe

Snap said:

.... Thing is, after the umpteenth instruction or task to do, my mind goes into lockdown and it all becomes just noise.

...otherwise known as Wife Noise