Films ruined by idiotic holes in the plot

english_bob

RaymondLin said:

The Martian.

There is no atmosphere on Mars, alas, there will be no storm.

The writer of the book, and of the film were aware that the storm was impossible, but something had to create the circumstances under which a single crew member could be left behind. None of them could think of anything better so the storm stayed. Apparently the rest of the science is very realistic.

stimpsonslostson

StarWars "we're in a planet destroying space station & need to destroy the planet the rebellion is on… guess we'll have to wait till we get a clear shot & let them attack us in the mean time"

NO you idiots, blow up the planet in the way and then the one they're on! Simples AND diabolical! 

I get annoyed by CSI (& shows of that ilk): Sample goes into whizzy machine, 5mins later "oh this sample perfectly matches the fibres over here…!" 

I work in a lab, that's NOT how it goes. 

We get interns coming in to learn molecular techniques and saying "Oh cool, I've seen this on CSI, we'll have our results by lunch!" 

My response "Have you ever watched a porno? CSI bears as much relation to reality as a porno does to your sex life. It's great if it happens like that, but generally in real life there's much more time spent on your own trying work out why it's not happening yet".

Nikko

Flatliners...

If you are flat-lining, you cannot be brought back. Defibulators only work if there is electrical signal still in the heart. It does NOT restart a heart, it actually stops the heart, and relies on the electrical signal already there to restart it.

So, that means that pretty much EVERY film or Tv show ever that shows the use of defibs is wrong...dramatic maybe...but wrong!

Gassage

Mary Poppins and Dick Van Dyke

How does an American Chimney Sweep in 1920 afford to travel and spend time in Australia to develop that faux Aussie accent?

Bygone_Tones

All bond films. The villains are way too courteous. Just shoot him on sight.

Myranda

stimpsonslostson said:

StarWars "we're in a planet destroying space station & need to destroy the planet the rebellion is on… guess we'll have to wait till we get a clear shot & let them attack us in the mean time"

NO you idiots, blow up the planet in the way and then the one they're on! Simples AND diabolical! 

I get annoyed by CSI (& shows of that ilk): Sample goes into whizzy machine, 5mins later "oh this sample perfectly matches the fibres over here…!" 

I work in a lab, that's NOT how it goes. 

We get interns coming in to learn molecular techniques and saying "Oh cool, I've seen this on CSI, we'll have our results by lunch!" 

My response "Have you ever watched a porno? CSI bears as much relation to reality as a porno does to your sex life. It's great if it happens like that, but generally in real life there's much more time spent on your own trying work out why it's not happening yet".

The terrible thing is I like watching things *like* CSI. Procedural crime drama, or medical drama is like crack to me, even though I think "why aren't the veteran police officers calling for backup on the radio they are now turning off to go in all sneaky like?" every time... or "wait, you found a single grain of salt... so have proved incontrovertibly that it was professor plumb in the library with the lead pipe, on a tuesday, wearing plaid, speaking with a fake accent" ... are you sure? There are plenty of cases where police have had one really good bit of evidence, but they rely on multiple extra bits to make sure before going to trial - just in case, you're going to court with one grain of salt which we saw you pick up by hand and then sneak away from the crime scene because you're a maverick who plays by their own rules, but now there's no chain of custody so it can't be proved you got that from the killist at all..

But it doesn't stop me watching it. *sigh*  

stimpsonslostson

@Myranda: that StarWars thing is awesome! I KNEW it couldn't just be me that was annoyed by that.

The lack of realism doesn't stop me watching CSI or pornos either.

LoFi

Emp_Fab said:

Nobody in films is ever seen using Windows 7, or suchlike.  Once again, that's probably down to money and product placement.

Trinity uses nmap on Linux in one of the Matrix sequels.

hungrymark

stimpsonslostson;813935" said:

My response "Have you ever watched a porno? CSI bears as much relation to reality as a porno does to your sex life. It's great if it happens like that, but generally in real life there's much more time spent on your own trying work out why it's not happening yet".

Do you actually say that? "we'll have the results by lunch", "have you ever watched a porno?" I don't know, seems a bit risky re: sexual harassment and so on.

Gassage

I well recall Viz (back in the day) doing a series of Top Tips for film stars bsed upon holes in plots:

From memory there were 3:

1. International Master Criminals: Upon capturing James Bond, 007, kill him immdiately. Under no circumstances leave him under the guard of bikini clad females after first revealing your plan for world domination and supremacy.

2. Members of the Gotham City Underworld: Upon capturing the Dynamic Duo, Batman and Robin, kill them immediately. Under no circumstances leave them to die in some Heath Robinson execution device of your own design

3. Crew Members of the Starship Enterprise, NCC-1701; if you've never appeared in an episode of the greatest TV show ever made before, and you wear a red coloured Starfleet uniform, under no circumstances should you accept the invitation of Mr Spock or Captain Kirk to beam down to the planet's surface. You will never return.

Epically funny.

axisus

Journey to the centre of the earth had an idiotic hole in the plot

stimpsonslostson

hungrymark;814312" said:

[quote="stimpsonslostson;813935"]
My response "Have you ever watched a porno? CSI bears as much relation to reality as a porno does to your sex life. It's great if it happens like that, but generally in real life there's much more time spent on your own trying work out why it's not happening yet".

Do you actually say that? "we'll have the results by lunch", "have you ever watched a porno?" I don't know, seems a bit risky re: sexual harassment and so on.

[/quote]

Yup. I have done.
By the time I'm letting them loose on a bit of kit costing £10k+ I'll have worked with them long enough to (hopefully) judge their sense of humour.

Back to the topic...
Looper. Why not just send the corpses back in time? Why bother with the executioner?

Myranda

Thinking of CSI makes me ever-so-slightly sad that the Forensics in my degree are all about digital forensics 

I'll never get to make a witty comment about a dead body before putting shades on to The Who... I feel so sad.

snakemanStoo

There is the new CSI Cyber that may have computery stuff then some Who to look cool to

Myranda

snakemanStoo said:

There is the new CSI Cyber that may have computery stuff then some Who to look cool to

Have you heard anything about it?

It makes the 1995 Hackers look like a documentary into computing... hell it makes Lawmowerman look like a realistic ... there's lots of bullshitty bullshit pseudo science - and I like some pretty terrible sci-fi

Chuffola

Gassage said:

I well recall Viz (back in the day) doing a series of Top Tips for film stars bsed upon holes in plots:

From memory there were 3 (snip!)

Epically funny.

Mildly amusing... Are you off your tits again?

:P

IanSavage

stimpsonslostson said:

I get annoyed by CSI (& shows of that ilk): Sample goes into whizzy machine, 5mins later "oh this sample perfectly matches the fibres over here…!" 

I work in a lab, that's NOT how it goes. 

https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/science_montage.png

frankus

"Another empty escape pod, should I blast it?"

Myranda said:

The really weird thing about computers in films is that one of the examples of the worst depictions of computers in films is infinitely more accurate than people think... it's just that it's so obscure that most geeks aren't aware of it - the Unix based OS in Jurassic Park, is rather accurately based on an obscure OS that no-one has heard of but uses daily. 

ftfy

Phil_aka_Pip

"password overrides"
1s and 0s going up the screen
the back and forth movement of tape drives in 1960s movies
the DOS or CP/M -like look of control consoles

Fuzzdog

stimpsonslostson said:

StarWars "we're in a planet destroying space station & need to destroy the planet the rebellion is on… guess we'll have to wait till we get a clear shot & let them attack us in the mean time"

NO you idiots, blow up the planet in the way and then the one they're on! Simples AND diabolical! 

At the risk of revealing my inner Star Wars nerd, that was because the laser on the first Death Star took an immensely long time (hours!) to recharge between shots.

Although, to be fair, blowing up the planet would not exactly have made life on the moon orbiting it much fun.  

Okay, okay, it's still stupid.

frankus said:

"Another empty escape pod, should I blast it?"

Yes.  

Movie over, dark side wins, everyone goes home and gets coffee/tortures Jar Jar Binks/whatever.