Should I be annoyed?

CHRISB50

Yeah I think it's a bit naughty. It would piss me off.

lloyd said:

bingefeller said:

One thing I've learnt in life is to trust absolutely no one outside of your immediate family circle.  There are no exceptions to this. Always expect the worst from people and you'll never be disappointed.  

That's a fairly shitty philosophy to have-blood ties are no guarantee and I have some mates that I would trust my life with.

Luckily my family are awesome too, but some people aren't so lucky.

Exactly, family is no guarantee of loyalty. Family is up to chance. At least you choose your mates.

axisus

He sounds like an total asswipe to be honest. If I was in his boat I would never do that to a friend.

Anyway, as already said, in life it's best to keep your cards close to your chest until the hand is over.

Strat_a_tat_tat

Simples...

... I wouldn't classify that sort of person as a mate.

Not cool behaviour.

TTony

stimpsonslostson said:

I bumped into a friend

stimpsonslostson said:

So today I get a text from him saying he's applied for the same job. 

That's not my definition of "friend".

guitarfishbay

It is fair game because the job is still open for applications.  You can't block him from applying, so he is entitled to apply if he chooses.  Blocking him from applying is as uncool as him having applied for this after being told by you, without telling you.  But he has told you and the decision isn't down to either of you.

If you didn't want him to apply your options were to not tell him about it, or tell him not to apply for it after you'd told him and hope he wouldn't.  People can and do whatever they want to do in life at the end of the day, thinking you can control them through loyalty just doesn't work.  I know you aren't thinking in terms of 'control' - you're thinking in terms of friendship and loyalty, but loyalty informs how a person will/won't act and honestly in certain situations you can't predict what people will do.  When money gets involved is often when behaviour changes.

CHRISB50 said:

lloyd said:

bingefeller said:

One thing I've learnt in life is to trust absolutely no one outside of your immediate family circle.  There are no exceptions to this. Always expect the worst from people and you'll never be disappointed.  

That's a fairly shitty philosophy to have-blood ties are no guarantee and I have some mates that I would trust my life with.

Luckily my family are awesome too, but some people aren't so lucky.

Exactly, family is no guarantee of loyalty. Family is up to chance. At least you choose your mates.

That isn't a guarantee of loyalty either unfortunately.

Personally my mindset works by always going worst case scenario first... so if this situation arose again I'd just not talk about it to anyone who might want the job I was going for.

Iamnobody

He's transgressed rule number one here.

Chalk it up to experience and keep your cards closer to your chest in future.

Thr best outcome is you get the job and the dick doesn't. If this happens I would have it out with him and if he accepts he was a dick then perhaps both move on.

If he gets the job then harbour a grudge against him for ever and piss in his milk...

guitarfishbay

I just don't agree this is a dick move.  Because if you reverse the situation you're blocking the person from applying for a job you've told them about that they're excited about, which is also a dick move.  Two dicks make dick squared, or a chode (I accept no responsibility if you google that).

Quickest analogy I can think of (and I expect it to be pulled apart..)

You're looking to buy a house.  Your friend is looking to buy a house.  You tell them about a house you've found that they haven't, and you want to buy this house.  They also want to buy the house you found.   You've both got slightly different budgets in a similar range and it is the best house in the area.

A. If you had more money than them but they seemed to want it more, would you outbid them or not?

B. If you had less money than them but you wanted it more, would you be pissed if they outbid you?

If you hadn't told them about the house it likely wouldn't have been an issue.  Which is what it comes down to, so I actually agree with Drew when he said

Drew_fx said:

you should be more circumspect about what information you communicate to people.

Because you can't control what other people do

Nikko

When I was 19, I used to manage a photo processing shop (ooh get me), and I employed a good mate of mine as he needed a job. 6 months down the line, both of us wanted to leave the place, so we set about doing some job hunting. I told him that I had applied for a negotiator job at a local Bairstow Eves estate agents, and I later found out that he had applied after I had told him about it. Its such a long time ago that I cant even remember how I felt about it at the time, but I probably was a bit miffed.

As it happens, I didn't even get an interview, but my mate did, and he ended up getting the job. He now has his own very successful Estate Agents based in the Thetford area.

Hes still my best mate, and we were 'Best Men' at each others Weddings.

C'est la vie. 

Evilmags

Drew_fx said:

He's a bit of a knob. But you should be more circumspect about what information you communicate to people.

This.  Happened to me as well. He got the job....

Teetonetal

Snap said:

well, I wouldn't do that to a mate.

I don't think he's really your mate

I would do that to a mate if I was unemployed, struggling to make ends meet, trying to feed my family and was desperate for a job and my mate was employed.

The difference is I'd be telling my mate before I applied what I was going to do and why, sometimes these things are about context and not as black and white as we'd like them to be.

lloyd

Teetonetal said:

Snap said:

well, I wouldn't do that to a mate.

I don't think he's really your mate

I would do that to a mate if I was unemployed, struggling to make ends meet, trying to feed my family and was desperate for a job and my mate was employed.

The difference is I'd be telling my mate before I applied what I was going to do and why, sometimes these things are about context and not as black and white as we'd like them to be.

Agree that if I told a mate about a job or vice versa and he asked if I'd be ok with him applying for it, I'd be cool with it.

Snap

Teetonetal said:

Snap said:

well, I wouldn't do that to a mate.

I don't think he's really your mate

I would do that to a mate if I was unemployed, struggling to make ends meet, trying to feed my family and was desperate for a job and my mate was employed.

The difference is I'd be telling my mate before I applied what I was going to do and why, sometimes these things are about context and not as black and white as we'd like them to be.

Yes indeed, but given the context as it was presented, I wouldn't have done that to a mate.

DrJazzTap

That would piss me off tbh. And is a shitty thing to do to a mate.

Chalky

I'd say good luck to him. He's my mate, I want him to be successful. Just because I've seen a job advert, it don't mean I own it FFS! And I'm sure there will be plenty of strangers applying for it so why would I deny my mate the opportunity?! My life isn't just about me me me.

marcus449

"but mum, I saw the job application first!"

it's a cold world, if you're pissed then give them no reason to hire anyone but yourself.

if your friendship is bigger than a job then who cares who gets it.

relic245

What a strange question. 

So you're not annoyed right now. You ask a bunch of strangers on a guitar forum if you should be.

What happens if everyone says yes you should be annoyed? You're going to make yourself annoyed and spoil your day (or longer)

Sounds like the guy has been a bit of a dick. Nothing you can do to change it. Move on, go play some guitar or whatever makes you happy and have a good day. 

relic245

What a strange question. 

So you're not annoyed right now. You ask a bunch of strangers on a guitar forum if you should be.

What happens if everyone says yes you should be annoyed? You're going to make yourself annoyed and spoil your day (or longer)

Sounds like the guy has been a bit of a dick. Nothing you can do to change it. Move on, go play some guitar or whatever makes you happy and have a good day. 

axisus

guitarfishbay said:

I just don't agree this is a dick move.  Because if you reverse the situation you're blocking the person from applying for a job you've told them about that they're excited about, which is also a dick move.  Two dicks make dick squared, or a chode (I accept no responsibility if you google that).

Quickest analogy I can think of (and I expect it to be pulled apart..)

You're looking to buy a house.  Your friend is looking to buy a house.  You tell them about a house you've found that they haven't, and you want to buy this house.  They also want to buy the house you found.   You've both got slightly different budgets in a similar range and it is the best house in the area.

I'm guessing you have no friends

CabbageCat

I think he has been a bit mean but it would be even more mean of you if he had asked if you would have a problem with him applying and you had said that you would. Not a great situation for either of you. If you had considered that he might be interested in it you probably shouldn't have mentioned it.

stimpsonslostson

relic245 said:

What a strange question. 

So you're not annoyed right now. You ask a bunch of strangers on a guitar forum if you should be.

What happens if everyone says yes you should be annoyed? You're going to make yourself annoyed and spoil your day (or longer)

Sounds like the guy has been a bit of a dick. Nothing you can do to change it. Move on, go play some guitar or whatever makes you happy and have a good day. 

If you read the initial post you'd see that I said I was "peeved" by it and was wondering if I was being unreasonable: he is, and will remain, a friend but it's a strange situation to be in. 
I'm actually feeling better about the situation now that I've had chance to reflect on it a bit more... And as you wisely suggested I've played my banjo a bit to relax after work.

My current view is that we both entered the lottery & its up to the employer to pick the best candidate for the role in question- I just have to hope that's me, and make sure I'm as well prepared as I can be for any interview. 
We BOTH have decent jobs that, for different reasons, we are dissatisfied with. So it's not the end of the world (or our friendship) if one, or neither, of us gets it. 

Time to move on think. (& be more careful next time)