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”Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining.’
Neither particularly originated in my family to be fair, I picked them up elsewhere.
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Thick as pig-shit.
Couldn't manage twins in a pram.
Face as long as a gas-man's mac.
Mouth like a cat's bum.
Yorkshire saying apparently. Mum would say it to dad all the time when we were kids.
"Going off like frog in a sock in the sun" - Rural Aussie saying.
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Understandably, not in common usage....
"He doesn't know if it's Christmas or Tuesday"
Face like a welders bench/robbers dog/blind cobblers thumb.
The one I use is "a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle".
My old boss used to say "like a prick in a shirt-sleeve" to describe a loose fit.
I said maybe.....
"He's like a dog with two dicks!" for someone overexcited or not knowing what to do next.