Bad Gags.

BintyTwanger77

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?


He lay awake all night wondering if there was a dog...

Myranda

PolarityMan said:

What's white?

A fridge

But... 

What's white and wiggles? 

Come Dancing. 

What's grey and comes in buckets? 

An elephant. 

What white and flies across the sky? 

The coming of the Lord. 

*runs away*

harpdoodle

A naked man, totally wrapped in clingfilm, goes to the doctor. 
The doctor looks at him and says "I can clearly see you're nuts". 

snakemanStoo

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead

harpdoodle

What's the difference between a Jazz guitarist and a 12inch pizza?

A 12inch pizza can feed a family of four. 

boogieman

What do you call 10 banjos in a skip? 

A start. 

KKJale

Two goldfish go into a pub and the bartender says, "Hey guys, why the long faeces?"

Bellycaster

Upon realising they've fallen in love, Sherlock Holmes whips Watson's trousers down and bends him over the desk. Watson looks over his Shoulder and sees Holmes dipping his hand into a jar of Curd.

He shrieks "What are you doing, Holmes?"

Holmes replies "Lemon entry, my dear Watson, Lemon entry"

DarnWeight

What's the difference between acne and Michael Jackson?

Acne doesn't come on your face until puberty.

harpdoodle

Lemon entry......ha haaa

harpdoodle

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff............

bohm bohm dishhhhhhh

Johnspreyer

Two men chatting in the pub.
"Did you hear about Jim.  His wife asked him to get a cabbage from the garden and he fell down dead - heart attack."
"That's awful; what did his wife do?"
"She had to open a tin of peas."

lasermonkey

One day I was walking through the Enchanted Forest, when I chanced upon a small fellow sitting in a toadstool, leaning forward with his head in his hands.
 "Are you a goblin?" I enquired.
 "No", he replied tersely, "I've got a headache!"

harpdoodle

How do you know when there is a pilot in the pub?

They'll tell you. 

Bucket

Eddie Murphy's favourite joke:

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear suddenly turns to the rabbit and says:

"Excuse me, but do you ever have problems with shit sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit says "No."

So the bear wiped his arse with the rabbit.

harpdoodle

A bass player walked past a pub.............

.........really, he did. 

Guitar_Slinger

CHRISB50 said:

What do you call a 3 legged donkey?

Paul McCartney and Heather Mills?

tone1

A friend of mine has 2 ringside tickets for the Joshua v klitschko fight.

He paid £2500 each but he didn't realise when he bought them it was on the same day as his wedding,

If you're interested he is looking for someone to take his place.

It's at St Marys church Stockton-on-tees- at 3pm the brides name is Julie she's 5'4" about 115lbs she's a good cook too. She will be the one in the white dress 

57Deluxe

.... a white boy in Harlem...

BintyTwanger77

How do you know when a Dundee girl has an orgasm?

She drops her chips.