Bad Gags.

Sporky

Stolen from Lady BMcH:

What's the stickiest vegetable?

The gluecumber.

paul_xt

My wife's a bit of a sex object. 
I ask for sex, she objects.

I've just bought myself the new Jay Z back scratcher.
Ive now got 98 problems and an itch ain't one.

What does Steven Hawking and a table have in common?
They both have legs and can't run.

Why shouldn't you wear Russian underpants?
Because Chernobyl fall out

What's 7 inches long and makes my wife come?
My thumb and middle finger when I click them

My mate set me up a blind date. He said "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know....she's expecting a baby. I felt like a f**king idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy.

dindude

What has three legs and cunt? A drumstool.








As for bad gags, can I take the opportunity to say that just stating the words Terry Morgan in a thread isn't a gag in itself! Likewise Metal Zone, Lazy J etc. Thank you..

Kebabkid

I went to a retro club last week.

They played the twist. I did the twist
 They played the jive. I did the jive.
They played "Come on Eileen". I got kicked out!


Dear Abby,

I think my wife is cheating on me. I am a working musician and, as you would expect, travel a lot. I have been noticing strange things happening when I get home. Her cell phone rings and she steps outside to answer it or she says, "I'll call you back later". When I ask her who called, she gets evasive. Sometimes she goes out with friends but comes home late, getting dropped off around the corner and walking the rest of the way. I once picked up the extension while she was on the phone and she got very angry.

A buddy of mine, who is also a guitar player, told me that my wife and some guy have been to his gigs. He wanted to borrow my guitar amp and that's when I got the idea to find out for myself what was really happening.

I said "Sure, you can use my amp but I want to hide behind it at the gig and see if she shows up, and who she shows up with."

He agreed. Saturday night came and I slipped behind my Marshall JCM800 half stack to get a good view. I could feel the heat coming off the back of the amp. It was at that moment, crouching down behind the amp, that I noticed that one of the tubes was not glowing as bright as the other three. Is this something I can fix myself or do I need to take it to a technician?

Thanks,
Very Concerned

paulnb57

The final straw in the McCartney/Mills marriage was when Paul bought Heather a plane......
.
.
.
.
......and a razor for the other leg.......

dindude

paulnb57 said:

The final straw in the McCartney/Mills marriage was when Paul bought Heather a plane......
.
.
.
.
......and a razor for the other leg.......

On the night that Paul proposed he went down on one-knee. Or Heather as she's also known to her friends.

strtdv

Two atoms are walking down the street. One says to the other; "I think I've just lost an electron".

"Are you sure?" replied the other atom

"Yes, I'm positive"

strtdv

Crime in multi-storey car parks; it's just wrong on so many levels

Guitar_Slinger

We had a mate in school who ruined jokes.  It wasn't the way he told 'em. For example...

"What's brown and stick-like?".

speshul91

why did tigger look down the toilet?






to find poo.

racefaceec90

My uncle recently got diagnosed with Parkinson's disease 

He just cannot stop interviewing people now :-(

HAL9000

Q. What game do you play with a wombat?

A. Wom..

HAL9000

richardhomer said:

Kebabkid said:

What cheese to you use to coax a grizzly out of a cave?
Camem-bert

What cheese do you use to hide a horse?

Mascarpone....

What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

Halloumi

rainer2859

Gassage said:

What's pink and screams?



Peeled baby in a bag of salt.

What's red and screams?


Baby sucking a razorblade

Handsome_Chris

What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for Christmas?


AIDS

Guitar_Slinger

Guitar_Slinger said:

We had a mate in school who ruined jokes.  It wasn't the way he told 'em. For example...

Did you hear about the gay whale?  It bit the submarine in half and sucked all the sailors out. 

(It should have been 'seamen')