Worst film ever candidate

Philly_Q

cpcompany said:

Dolls by Beat Takeshi. I’ve no idea how this film is so rated. I don’t mind a slow film , but it’s just meandering nonsense with hardly any dialogue.

Another terrible film is twenty nine palms. Absolutely fucking boring shite with a shock ending. 

Dolls was the first Kitano film I didn't much enjoy, but a couple of the later ones are worse.... there was one I really didn't like, can't remember if it was Takeshis' or Glory to the Filmmaker!  I think the latter.

And I quite like Twentynine Palms (and Bruno Dumont films generally).  I saw it at the London Film Festival and it was fun watching people march out in disgust at various points.

Good to see them mentioned, anyway, even if you don't like them!

timhulio

Sherlock Gnomes. Watched it with DDs as we were on the ferry coming back from Holland and it was the only kids film showing on that sailing. Usually love kids films, but this was witless garbage.

cj73

BintyTwanger77 said:

Mr Holland's Opus. It's an insult to cinema, utterly abysmal on every level. 

yup.  he spends all of his spare time (life) composing it and it lasts for how long at the end?  


He was in Close Encounters and Jaws...….. 

cj73

Dopesick said:

If it was up to me, I'd say The Matrix. Fucking hate it.

..but people do like it. Weirdos.

Anyway...a proper answer would be The Love Guru. I like Mike Myers but this was triple cockhat.

The Matrix is excellent.  The next two, "it was always meant as a trilogy" never heard that before ( A New Hope), were rubbish

tony99

cj73 said:

Dopesick said:

If it was up to me, I'd say The Matrix. Fucking hate it.

..but people do like it. Weirdos.

Anyway...a proper answer would be The Love Guru. I like Mike Myers but this was triple cockhat.

The Matrix is excellent.  The next two, "it was always meant as a trilogy" never heard that before ( A New Hope), were rubbish

I think the main problem with the Matrix as a ttilogy is finding out the big secret (what the Matrix is) in the very first one.
If they could've held out on that reveal until a later point then maybe they could've justified the sequels.

As it is, the first one is excellent, the second 2 are just run of the mill sci-fi

Philly_Q

tony99 said:

cj73 said:

Dopesick said:

If it was up to me, I'd say The Matrix. Fucking hate it.

..but people do like it. Weirdos.

Anyway...a proper answer would be The Love Guru. I like Mike Myers but this was triple cockhat.

The Matrix is excellent.  The next two, "it was always meant as a trilogy" never heard that before ( A New Hope), were rubbish

I think the main problem with the Matrix as a trilogy is finding out the big secret (what the Matrix is) in the very first one.
If they could've held out on that reveal until a later point then maybe they could've justified the sequels.

As it is, the first one is excellent, the second 2 are just run of the mill sci-fi

For me the sequels ruin the first one, I can't watch it any more.

MrSwanson

I listen to a podcast specialising in bad movies:

https://www.earwolf.com/show/how-did-this-get-made/

Seen some right corkers there, common theme in many is Nic Cage.

munckee

Philly_Q said:

tony99 said:

cj73 said:

Dopesick said:

If it was up to me, I'd say The Matrix. Fucking hate it.

..but people do like it. Weirdos.

Anyway...a proper answer would be The Love Guru. I like Mike Myers but this was triple cockhat.

The Matrix is excellent.  The next two, "it was always meant as a trilogy" never heard that before ( A New Hope), were rubbish

I think the main problem with the Matrix as a trilogy is finding out the big secret (what the Matrix is) in the very first one.
If they could've held out on that reveal until a later point then maybe they could've justified the sequels.

As it is, the first one is excellent, the second 2 are just run of the mill sci-fi

For me the sequels ruin the first one, I can't watch it any more.

I think it was a very clever idea not very well executed after the first one.  The big thing of course was that they left it open at the end which drew a lot of criticism that they were setting up a 4th film.  I don't think they were I think they were trying to leave it finely balanced as suggested in the storyline - the machines need the people like the people need the machines.

joneve

MrSwanson said:

I listen to a podcast specialising in bad movies:

https://www.earwolf.com/show/how-did-this-get-made/

Seen some right corkers there, common theme in many is Nic Cage.

See my previous post. 

He's done some alright films, but a lot of shit ones. Bringing Out the Dead being the worst. 

BintyTwanger77

Sassafras said:

Dopesick said:

If it was up to me, I'd say The Matrix. Fucking hate it.

..but people do like it. Weirdos.

Anyway...a proper answer would be The Love Guru. I like Mike Myers but this was triple cockhat.

The first Matrix was good then they fucked it up by bringing out two appaling, overlong, helplessly  flailing sequels.

Absolutely loved the first Matrix film, but the two sequels were just so much arsegravy. All the Christ parallels, the inflated sense of their own importance, all that money spunked on hours of so much pretentious cretinry. Maybe in Terry GIlliam or Guillermo Del Toro's hands they would've been better, but I doubt it, those scripts were beyond saving. The Wachowskis completely buggered their rep with those two visual abortions.

BintyTwanger77

tony99 said:

Heartfeltdawn said:

tony99 said:

I'll wager not many have seen the Roger Corman produced version of the Fantastic Four (1994)

has to be seen to be believed

I raise you Megaforce. 

just wiki'd that

sounds abysmal admittedly, but really wanna see it now

I'll see your Fantastic Four and Megaforce, and I'll raise you this:

Tomcat: Dangerous Desires, starring Richard Grieco. 

 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomcat:_Dangerous_Desires

JerkMoans

BintyTwanger77 said:

Tomcat: Dangerous Desires...
 

Is that animal porn?

BintyTwanger77

JerkMoans said:

BintyTwanger77 said:

Tomcat: Dangerous Desires...
 

Is that animal porn?

Even animal porn would be preferable and a more coherent narrative, better performances...

Philly_Q

Not the worst film ever, but maybe the worst remake (of a brilliant original) - Get Carter, with Sylvester Stallone.  Stephen T. Kay's incompetence as a director knows no bounds, he uses lots of stupid inappropriate "techniques" like zooms, weird camera angles and slow motion.  I think there's even one bit which is speeded up, like it's fucking Police Academy or something.

And speaking of dreadful remakes of wonderful originals... The Wicker Man.  Again I'm going to blame the director, Neil LaBute.  Nic Cage has taken enough stick already already in this thread... I like him, although I can't deny he's made many terrible films (and been terrible in them).

schrodinger1612

Psycho....The 1998 remake. WTF were they thinking? 
Batman & Robin (1997) 
Alien Resurrection 

FX_Munkee

David Brent - Life on the road.

What do I win?

Sassafras

In the Cold of the Night.
A truly appalling film.
I read one review that said the lead actor should be ashamed of himself but surely it's a director's responsibility to not let a dire performance see the light of day?

jpfamps

Grease II

Sesh

Masked and Anonymous.

tony99

jpfamps said:

Grease II

American Psycho 2