Things that DON'T do what they say on the Tin

Teetonetal

Kilgore said:

"serves one" - Not a chance little more than a starter.

"serves two" - Nope, serves one and I'm still peckish.

"family size" - Nope, serves two at a stretch. 

I assume this is based on calorie consumption rather than portion size.

What it's really telling you is how much shit is put into these foods, so the portion had to be tiny to compensate.

Zoolooter

Kittyfrisk said:

The A.D.E. 651, GT200 & Alpha 6 'explosives detectors'.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-29459896

Corrupt, scamming bastards.

Just read that, truly shocking. 

HAL9000

Non-drip paint for the win.

Funkfingers

Kittyfrisk said:
Swedish delicacy  'Surströmming'.

Fermented rotten herring...

You are Stewart Lee and I claim my five Guineas.

scrumhalf

Guitar tuners. 

They merely confirm the note, they don't tune to it (unless they are robot tuners). 

russpm

Non-iron shirts - absolute bollox!

Jeremiah

Tins are not even made of tin, so the whole concept fails.

mrkb

russpm said:

Non-iron shirts - absolute bollox!

Well they are made from cotton or polyester which definitely isn’t Fe based!

Tannin

"Home made" jams and pastries and every other bloody thing which are not remotely home made. When I am the Tzar (or the Galactic Overlord, whichever comes first) the owner of any shop selling commercially produced goods and labelling them "home made" will be subject to a truly horrible punishment, the details of which I won't disclose in this family-oriented place (largely because I haven't finished dreaming them up yet). But rest assured, it won't be pretty.

scrumhalf

russpm said:

Non-iron shirts - absolute bollox!

All shirts are non-iron, it just depends on how much you care about your appearance. 

not_the_dj

Supermarket own brand products that make out they’re from a sweet little independent company. 

We’ve a jar of “Hubbards” honey in the cupboard (but no bones for the dog). 

Neill

I remember during the draymen's strike of the 1970's pubs had to rely on bottled beer and our local only had Double Diamond for several days. 

At the time the slogan was "A Double Diamond Works Wonders", well it had us wondering why on earth anyone would choose to drink the stuff.  

Tannin

I worked at the Ballarat Brewery many years ago. We made Carlton Draught, which is the beer that most Victorians actually drink -  no-one in this country likes Fosters Lager. The same company also owned a brewery in Carlton, a suburb of Melbourne 120 kilometres to the east. Among other things, the Carlton plant made Ballarat Bitter. We made Carlton Draft in Ballarat, they made Ballarat Bitter in Carlton. Go figure.

Moominpapa

Dominic said:

^ because all the Euro legislation caused the ferocious elements to be removed

^^ This. Using old-school Nitromors was a business for some heavy-duty gloves or you'd be watching your skin strip as fast as the paint   My stepfather used to work for ICI back in the day. They were pretty good at providing consumers with lethally powerful products. The original Roundup would give Agent Orange a run for its money.

CHRISB50

Wagon Wheels

boogieman

Tannin said:

I worked at the Ballarat Brewery many years ago. We made Carlton Draught, which is the beer that most Victorians actually drink -  no-one in this country likes Fosters Lager. The same company also owned a brewery in Carlton, a suburb of Melbourne 120 kilometres to the east. Among other things, the Carlton plant made Ballarat Bitter. We made Carlton Draft in Ballarat, they made Ballarat Bitter in Carlton. Go figure.

You know the old joke I guess... what’s the difference between a clitoris and a pint of Fosters? The clitoris only tastes of piss for the first few seconds. 

chillidoggy

Tannin said:

"Home made" jams and pastries and every other bloody thing which are not remotely home made. When I am the Tzar (or the Galactic Overlord, whichever comes first) the owner of any shop selling commercially produced goods and labelling them "home made" will be subject to a truly horrible punishment, the details of which I won't disclose in this family-oriented place (largely because I haven't finished dreaming them up yet). But rest assured, it won't be pretty.

And just because it says ‘homemade’ on the tin, doesn’t guarantee it’s any good. It might well be shite.

LastMantra

Teetonetal said:

Kilgore said:

"serves one" - Not a chance little more than a starter.

"serves two" - Nope, serves one and I'm still peckish.

"family size" - Nope, serves two at a stretch. 

I assume this is based on calorie consumption rather than portion size.

What it's really telling you is how much shit is put into these foods, so the portion had to be tiny to compensate.

I was going to say it's probably still got x4 your recommended daily salt intake. 

Emp_Fab

Neill said:

I remember during the draymen's strike of the 1970's pubs had to rely on bottled beer and our local only had Double Diamond for several days. 

At the time the slogan was "A Double Diamond Works Wonders", well it had us wondering why on earth anyone would choose to drink the stuff.  

...works wonders, works wonders, Double Diamond works wonders so drink some today!

Along with 'boom boom boom boom, Esso Blue'.

Not suggesting you should drink paraffin mind... 

russpm

Penguin, ripped one open and it was a chocolate biscuit! Liars!!