Write an open letter of clarification to an artist of your choosing.

Fortheloveofguitar

Dear Mr Bonamassa

Please find enclosed your invoice for the removal of Mr King

May we also request a further 25% down payment for the Clapton booking.

Regards

H.i.t Man

HAL9000

Dear Angus Young,

Honestly! Fancy leaving your guitar at home. Schoolboy error.

Yours etc.

underdog

Dear Mr Cobain

It appears you were lying, in fact, it's now quite clear that you did have a gun.

Rocker

Tammy, which one were you referring to when you sang "Stand by your man"?

Sibelius

Dear Sting

Please fuckoff.

Jeremiah

Dear Sting,

Your message in a bottle is currently number 9999397 in the queue. We care about all our customers and will ensure that someone gets it as soon as possible.

Jeremiah

Dear Sting,

Actually I do have to put the red light on, as I am learning photography and using a full-spectrum light would damage the film.

Yours
Roxanne

jonnyburgo

Dear Mr The Hollies
I gave your brother a donkey back at school and can confirm that contrary to your pop ditty, he was a right fat cunt

Yours

Bert Shit.

EricTheWeary

What's a donkey bank ? it sounds sexual. |)

jonnyburgo

Dr Bono

Thanks for ad-libbing "let them know that springtime is coming" during the performance of feed the world at live aid. We can all take comfort in your well timed reminder that hot weather is on the way and I for one am looking forward to baking my balls off in 50c heat with no food or water.

Yours

Skinny Pete

Africa

jonnyburgo

EricTheWeary;773531" said:

What's a donkey bank ? it sounds sexual. |)

It's this damn phone and my sausage fingers

xSkarloey

Dear Mr Bono,

Thanks for drawing my attention to the obvious lack of signage in our town.

Rest assured that we will be giving all streets a name in due course.

In honour of your contribution to pop music, global peace, and town planning, might we take the liberty of naming the local dump after you?

Yours,

Edward Elbow-Patches,
Traffic and Street Services.


P.s. I wish to point out that jogging and hide and seek are no longer permitted in our town outside specified hours.

xSkarloey

Dear Deep Purple,

Unfortunately you may not. Patrons are not allowed to enjoy cigarettes, pipes, cigars or any other tobacco products while in one of our craft.

Yours sincerely,

I.I. Captain,
Skarloey Boat Hire Ltd.

EricTheWeary

jonnyburgo said:

EricTheWeary;773531" said:

What's a donkey bank ? it sounds sexual. |)

It's this damn phone and my sausage fingers

Sausage fingers - sounds sexual. I'll get me coat... :o3

Sibelius

Dear, Elton John

I have started a go fund me campaign for the fuel for your Rocket.

Please, will use it.

Yours sincerely 

Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana x

Jimbob

Green Day;

it's time to wake up.

xmrchi

Dear Mr Lewie,

I prefer the front/ living room,

Regards

HAL9000

jonnyburgo;773542" said:

[quote="EricTheWeary;773531"]What's a donkey bank ? it sounds sexual. |)

It's this damn phone and my sausage fingers
[/quote]
I know someone who works mostly on guitars, but just might be able to modify a phone to suit your sausage fingers.

equalsql

Dear Mr Plant.

I would be grateful if you could stop squeezing my lemons. The juice constantly runs down my legs and the wife is moaning that she never has any left for afternoon tea.

Regards
Pubert Gruntfuttock

rsvmark

Dear Mr Grohl 

What exactly is a monkey wrench as they sure as shit don't sell them at screw fix 

Mary Liksa 

Cockwell inn 

Tillit 

Herts