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Base theme by DesignModo & ported to Powered by Vanilla by Chris Ireland, modified by the "theFB" team.
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Thick bleach was still around the walls of it..
Japs eye made full on bingo marker blob contact.
Pain. Jumped off the seat in reaction but...
Couldn't hold the poop in apparently, so had to remain seated, reach over, grab the shower head and spray my old fella down whilst I went.
Unsure what was more painful. The pain, or the mess!
I had to break the branch off as I couldn't get it out. Back home yanked at it to no avail, and then a poor nights sleep trying to stop this two inches of pencil sized wood that was in my leg from catching on the sheets.
Found a doctor the next day in Fuengirola (hence the name), negotiated a price to remove the offending piece of timber. £15 in Pesatas. Cash. Wry smiles.
I hopped (literally) on to the bed, his assistant held me down while he yanked away with various sized tweezers, occasionally looking up at me with increasing concern.
After several minutes of this he put his tools down and fetched a syringe. It was going to cost more, but he need to cut it out and would give me a local. I lay there negotiating in Spanglish, bleeding. £20. Do it!!
I still have the scar, and I now always avoid twigs when I walk in shorts.
I got hit on the head by a caravan - stepped into a small one at a dealership and it hadn’t been set up on the steadies, I overbalanced the caravan and the door frame cracked me across the top of the head.
Can I count being spat at in the face by a llama? No lasting injuries but it was incredibly disgusting.
I have two parallel grooves in my skull.
I tripped while running through a room to answer the phone.. headfirst into a radiator.
Fractured skull that had to be stapled back together.
I also have a strange looking scar on my calf- a woman pushed her buggy into the road in front of my bike. I got stopped, but the bike chainring embedded itself in my leg.
I lived a long way from hospital, so I washed & glued myself back together again.
I tried to fake the other person out, darted forward and smashed my head on the mirrored wall. The whole event was only a few seconds long but I felt such a prat.
took the end of my thumb off.
"Take these three items, some WD-40, a vise grip, and a roll of duct tape. Any man worth his salt can fix almost any problem with this stuff alone." - Walt Kowalski
"Only two things are infinite - the universe, and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein
I managed to impale myself right through my foot by trying to climb over the fence around Princess Street Gardens in Edinburgh.
I'm sure at the time I had thought it through and reached the conclusion that having Dr Martin boots on would make it fine to stand on the spiky bits.
I don't remember it hurting all that much as I was so pissed, but I do remember the embarrassment at the hospital when the nurse insisted that the tetanus jab went in my arse cheek.
In ten years of chef life, the worst cut I have ever had was courtesy of a parsnip that had a piece of wood in it for some unknown reason. Gouged a hole in my hand that bled constantly for two hours, meaning I had to keep slapping on a fresh safety glove as the previous would fill up and expand with the crimson flood.
It made it only as far as the end of my trouser snake and, in a stroke of incredible luck, managed a bullseye right in the centre of the foreskin, where it stuck, burning end in. I have never moved so fast in my life.
Chips are "Plant-based" no matter how you cook them
Donald Trump needs kicking out of a helicopter
I'm personally responsible for all global warming