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From prvious form, Mr Vuego might be....
I find during the week I snack as breakfast - lunch is usually around 6 hrs, and lunch to tea is roughly the same.
I've taken to having jelly instead of crisps etc. I got some little tubs which take around 1/3rd of a jelly (approx 30 cals) and have that instead of something less filling and higher in calories (without looking 250 cals?). Hence mid-morning and mid-afternoon snacks done and not much in the way of calories.
Ringleader of the Cambridge cartel, pedal champ and king of the dirt boxes (down to 21)
Anyone who had a shit childhood is probably very familiar with the idea of a parent who believes repeatedly expressing their exasperation is somehow magically going to provide all the reassurance and information their child is missing without them getting involved in the act of parenting. It doesn't work.
A nurturing parent would say "well, what are you having trouble with?" ... or "what if we did this bit together, then you do the rest?"
Ultimately weakness is made of weakness and we can only surrender to doubt if we choose to be weak too, which we're not by nature - but the truth of that (internalised and not intellectualised) has to be learned FIRST. The first lesson is to find success and know what it feels like and how to capitalise it... otherwise you're starting from very shaky foundations.
I like that idea of finding success, learn how that feels then replicating it. Not many people enjoy exercise for the sake of it, but people enjoy running, swimming, cycling, martial arts, football or whatever it may be. These activities are not exercising, they are fun activities that may also be getting you fit and healthy as you are doing them. It's like playing scales compared to playing music. Everyone enjoys playing music and can do it all day long, it's much harder to play scales all day long. Obviously, the trick for emp is to find something he enjoys that will also provide benefits that can be done in his schedule and lifestyle (pretty sure dragging mud filled boats from a welsh estuary don't count).
Food I think it easier, most people like burger and chips, try to find something that replicates the pleasure you get from those but isn't full of the shit. I like what P90 wrote, it's a small and achievable step that rewards with success and that can be built on.
I'm not locked in here with you, you are locked in here with me.
Studio: https://www.voltperoctave.com
Music: https://www.euclideancircuits.com
Me: https://www.jamesrichmond.com
When encouragign the rational mind I'd expect specific, measurable and realistic goals to be set with a realistic time to be completed by. We could be helping Emp come up with a first target to reach - it could be fun and he could have a laugh reporting back to us.
We could help set him up to succeed or bombard him with information and get ready to thow our hands up and say "well I tried". I'd rather help him because some day I might need his help.
Studio: https://www.voltperoctave.com
Music: https://www.euclideancircuits.com
Me: https://www.jamesrichmond.com
There has been some good advice on this thread, some harsh truths and some sympathetic suggestions based on our own experiences.
I don't think anyone's been particularly judgemental, that implies a dismissiveness and lack of empathy I haven't noticed anyway, more a bunch of mates saying "wake up man, look what you're doing to yourself"
You're using shaming words about your past actions - I have a suspicion you got a psychoanalyst as they've basically done a S.U.M.O (shut up and move on) - which is a cuntish thing to do and they ar (by and large) cunts. The only test ever permitted using psychoanalysts against a placebo - saw the placebo improve more people's mental health.
the hardest part about changing your lifestyle is actually changing it..
once you've settled in, then it's easy, normal and just a regular part of your life...
Vim - I can't say I've noticed anything really judgemental in all of this... although the truths of being fat, being treated like a fat guy etc are all pretty harsh.. I know cos I've been fat for most of my life... but the most harsh truth of all is giving enough of a crap to actually do something about it.. and that's what most fat people don't do.. it's like fat people have conditioned themselves to just settle for it and so there's always an excuse.. 'yeah I'll start on Monday.... ahh.. can't then cos.. erm that thing.. ok then.. next Monday".. 'but I just have no will power'.. 'I just can't cos..." and the best one... 'my other half loves me just the way I am..' which is awesome... thing is.. ya get used to being fat.. it is normal to you.. things have to get pretty bad until you think there's something wrong / needs sorting out.. that realisation is like running into a brick wall [well it was for me..].. that's when you need to get almost angry at it.. no, I'm not going to carry on like this.. I'm going to opt out of 95% of everything sold in a big supermarket [that makes them and the food manufacturers hugely wealthy... whilst you're essentially hooked on their bullshit and being kept nice and huge]..
however... people that actually do something about this and manage to sort themselves out I have a very deep respect for..
cos it's a very long journey.. but jeez it's an amazing one.. it's like being liberated..
there are other activites too that'd require you to to get out and about...
for example, photography... like photgraphing wildlife / landscapes.. you're essentially hiking with a camera..
or some other hobby... has anyone here took a walk around Dover Castle?? the place is just amazing.. but all them steps getting up onto the battlements.. take a good hike around there and it'll get the heart rate up.. plus that place is just an amazing day out..
so maybe do something that is not strictly speaking gym / fitness / sport related.. but it will get you out and about regularly..
Studio: https://www.voltperoctave.com
Music: https://www.euclideancircuits.com
Me: https://www.jamesrichmond.com
We are able to support and encourage someone and guess what that is? It's helping people to ADDRESS THE PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES.
Oh man, someone did a number on you and you did not get your money's worth.
Anyone can do that, it just takes tolerance.
Studio: https://www.voltperoctave.com
Music: https://www.euclideancircuits.com
Me: https://www.jamesrichmond.com
Okay, put like that it sounds more positive.
Being the victim is easy as there's no worry about having done the wrong thing. What freaked me out was finding that even when in the victim role, I was persecuting others ... I just obsessed on being a victim to the extent I didn't see the effect I was having on others.
I spent time doing a type of therapy called reclaiming childhood... it was really worth it as when you look at all the people in the world who're doing what they love - they've all got a childlike enthusiasm - it never left them, it's a bit like Voldemort having all those Horcruxes in Harry Potter finding the crisis points in childhood and recovering the parts of the psyche lost then usually summed up in injunctions from significant people "smoking is more important than you are", "you can never be strong" what's called the parental tapes.. it works I reckon it probably increases intelligence too.
I think Emp doesn't need probing, reading between the lines he's got a pretty good idea of himself and confirms it every so often by trolling here. To that end I think we can cheer him on, Holn seemed to get stuff done with his post - I really admire the work he's put into getting back on his feet, we've got room for another success story.
I would've thought a heart-attack would've been the kick up the arse someone needs. But that's because I lost my father to his first heart attack, so I have significant emotional issues when it comes to them. I can accept that. Maybe for other people it's just like a serious bout of flu or something, and once they bounce back it leaves their mind.
so... make smaller changes and make changing slightly part of your routine and the sense of displacement isn't overwhelming.
if I were in Emps place being told to do a triathlon, drink my own jizz - I'd be thinking... "errr hang on, maybe I'm okay as I am"
at that point, we've let him down
Studio: https://www.voltperoctave.com
Music: https://www.euclideancircuits.com
Me: https://www.jamesrichmond.com
Studio: https://www.voltperoctave.com
Music: https://www.euclideancircuits.com
Me: https://www.jamesrichmond.com