Write an open letter of clarification to an artist of your choosing.

Hootsmon

heh heh good one ^

imalone

Dear Apollo 440,

What are you talking about then? And I would rather not go back to the rock if it's all the same to you.

Yours,
Ian

joeyowen

Dear Shakespears Sister,

I have work in the morning

Gassage

Dear F Mercury,

When reviewing the last verse of your opus, Bohemian Rhapsody, I wanted to correct you with regards to your error.

Size.

You of all people should realise that.

Yours,
The Gass (9")

Gassage

Dear Joe B,

With regards to your recent claim for surgery for 'Writer's Cramp', after examining your range of endorsements and signature models, we write to disallow your claim under the regulations of long-term self-inflicted injuries.

Yours,
BUPA.

mike_l

Gassage said:

Size.

You of all people should realise that.

Yours,
The Gass (9")

No need to brag

Gassage

mike_l said:

Gassage said:

Size.

You of all people should realise that.

Yours,
The Gass (9")

No need to brag

EDIT: When folded in half.

chillidoggy

Dear Miss Emin,

Fancy a shag before you make the bed?

Yours in anticipation,

The entire male chav population of Thanet.

mike_l

chillidoggy said:

Dear Miss Emin,

Fancy a shag before you make the bed?

Yours in anticipation,

The entire male chav population of Thanet and Chilli

You missed a bit.

chillidoggy

Even I would not lower myself to that level, Mike.

What I find astonishing is all the idiots who think she's an artist, but everyone round here thinks she's a big con-artist. It's like Harry Enfield's 'I Saw You Coming', but in real life.

thisisguitar

Dear Anthony Kiedis,

Re: Fault with VCR, try unplugging all the leads and plugging them back in.

We believe this is down to a Scart issue that we saw previously on these machines.

Yours

Sony Customer Services

xSkarloey

Cher Monsieur Morrissey,

Remember me? You used to write me poetry many years ago. Though I still find your work faintly threatening, you may be pleased to know I have had my teeth fixed.

If you want to give it another try just ask!

Ever yours,

A. L. Dente.

Cacofonix

Dear everyone.

I have never been near Mr Hendrix, and have certainly not engaged in any amorous pastimes with him.

Just setting the story straight.

Mr Blue Sky
ELO Towers
Handsworth

richardhomer

Dear Prince,

Though most right thinking people would consider you a musical genius, can we drop the 'text speak' please?

Eg: 'Nothing Compares 2 U', etc.

It might have been ahead of the technological curve - but it's really not on.

Thanks.

thisisguitar

@richardhomer - It's a Sign O The Times unfortunately.

thisisguitar

Dear Prince,

Re: Washing Machine Repair

We have fixed the problem with the program selection dial now. 

You may wish to update your name to 'The Artist Who Washes His Clothes On The Cycle Formally Known As Rinse'

Yours

Christopher Tracy

Zanussi Customer Service

mudslide73

Dear Prince,

I've been made aware of your frequent unauthorised use of my barn for your "activities". I wish for you to refrain from this due to the adverse affect it's having on the livestock.

Yours sincerely,
Old Man Johnson.

Nunogilberto

Dear Joe Jackson,

Yes she is. What a pisser, eh?

Cheers,

NG.

breakstuff

Dear Prince,

Thankyou for submitting your demo for your latest single.

Great song,but I do have some reservations about the title.I know you're a creative genius but have you considered changing the name to something like,maybe,'Purple Rain'.

I do wonder if the general public are ready for a song called 'Golden Shower'.

Just a thought.

Yours,Head of Sony Marketing.

A.Swindler.

randomhandclaps

Dear Mr Springsteen.

Following on from our conversation about referring to the Vietnam conflict as 'killing the yellow man', I am writing to advice you that in the current climate the opening lines "Hey little girl is your daddy home?  Did he go away and leave you all alone? I got a bad desire....oh, oh, oh!" just comes off as a wee bit pervy and quite frankly very creepy.  Maybe consider a short re-write.

Yours,

RHC