Luck needed please

TheBlueWolf

Getting the news my mum had passed away was the shittiest news ever. You kind of look at your mum as being indestructible. 

Mine had a decent run but by the time she went, she was riddled with various health problems and bed ridden. I try to remember the better days when she was more active.

tone1

My thoughts are with you and your Family..Go easy on yourself, take some time to reflect on your time with your Mum..The Grief Curve is steep and no one knows where you will start off on its path..
Take note of all the excellent posts on here and you'll get through I'm sure..it's the Natural way of Life and I'd be more concerned if you couldn't cry...Let it out and in time it will get better as you move along the Grief Curve and eventually get to the acceptance phase..Best Wishes to you all 

octatonic

littlegreenman said:

So very sorry Emp. It doesn't matter at what age, or how we lose our Mums, it's an absolute life changer.

She was your Mum, and there's no closer bond in life. It's a hard one to deal with for sure, but somehow we do. I was totally in bits when I lost mine to the big C a few years ago, and the support I got from some of the members of this fine forum was a source of great comfort. Especially during the dealing with funeral stuff, and the other mundane bits you have to deal with.

I still have days when I forget and think I must tell me Mum about something or other, and then remember. And no more Sunday lunches occasionally gets me down something chronic.

My only advice is to just let yourself feel however you want to. Grief takes many forms and there's no right or wrong way, the first day I got the most pissed I've ever been (not a good long term strategy). You will get used to what's happened but you'll never get over it, and that's how you know that you are her son and loved her.

You can be quite the annoying sod on here Emp, and your procrastination would win medals if it was an Olympic sport, but you've always come across as a decent sort of a bloke, and that is in no small part to do with the woman who raised you. So Mrs Mum-of-Emp did good in her time here on Earth, try and take some comfort from that.

I'll admit that I sometimes take my mum for granted- she is hard work, she suffers from depression and is difficult to be around.
I'm going to try to make more of an effort.

cbilly22

Sad, sad news Sir. My thoughts are with you at this incredibly difficult time.

Kebabkid

My condolences and I hope your pain and upset pass comfortably leaving just the good memories.

hubobulous

Really sorry to hear your news. It does get easier, honestly. Hold onto the happy memories

Emp_Fab

littlegreenman said:

You can be quite the annoying sod on here Emp,

Er...   I'd be grateful for your opinion on this via PM if you don't mind.  I don't wish to be an 'annoying sod' and I'm genuinely curious what it is about my persona on here that winds you up.  I won't take offence - seriously!  I'm just curious !

Emp_Fab

In other news, I'm drunk.  I went down the local pub on my own (all my mates were working or too far away) and spilled my woes onto the poor barmaid.  I've smoked about 8 fags and I'm drunk.  Fuck the world.  It's shit.  Oh, and never have kids....  all that happens is they grow to love you then you die.

Emp_Fab

Also.... if you're ever in the situation where your loved one is dying and they ask you if you want to go in to see them, do it.  I really REALLY didn't want to have my last view of mum as being wired up to all sorts of shit and looking like crap - I wanted to remember her smiling and alive - but - as my niece put it; you won't really regret seeing her in that state, but you will never have this opportunity to say goodbye again, and you may regret that for the rest of your life.

It wasn't easy seeing mum like that - eyes closed, tubes in her mouth, pale and clammy, but at least I got the opportunity to tell her that I will always love her and if... however remote the chance... she could still hear me, I'm glad that she heard me tell her that as her life faded away.  If you don't grit your teeth and do it, you could regret it forever.

TTony

More hugs @ theEmp.

Emp_Fab

I fucking hate life.  What's the point of it.  You grow close to people and they die.  What the fuck is so great about 'life'.  I've often felt that I wish I hadn't been born - not just now, but for a large chunk of my life.  It's like some bastard assault course where you fight and fight all the way and at the end of it you die - after watching all the people you love die first.  I didnt ask for this... I didn't say "please bring me into this world", it was foisted upon me, along with all the grief.  Don't have kids,

TTony

Emp_Fab said:

I fucking hate life.  What's the point of it. 

It's not about the start.

It's not about the end.

It's about what happens in between.  That's the fun bit.  

Emp_Fab said:

Don't have kids,

Luckily, your mum didn't take your advice.

Emp_Fab

Fun ?  There is no 'fun'.  THere are sporadic moments of non-shit.  That's not enough for me.  Ignore me, I'm pissed and about to start crying.  I'd better go now.  I miss you so much mum.  It hurts more than anything I've ever known.  Sorry for being a forum basket case.  I've never cried like this... it's coming from my boots.  I'd give anything to be with her now.

speshul91

Nothing to apologise for. Get it all out your system emp, bottling it up and that stuff upper lip stuff? Forget it. 

PolarityMan

Emp_Fab said:

She's gone. She was so good to me and I'm going to miss her so much. I've always been close to mum.  I can't stop crying like a child.  I love you mum. Xx

terrible news,. I'm sure it's little comfort but my thoughts are with you.

Bellycaster

Genuinely sorry to hear of your loss, no one can take away your memories of your Mum and your Mum's joy of her family while she was here. Keep strong with that thought.

Emp_Fab

sorry for my outbursts.  Im struggling.  I know others on here have suffered more tragedy than this, but it's raw at the moment.  normal service will be resumed at some point.  It's horrible man... seeing the one who brought you into this world, loved you more than her own life, surrounded by machines and pipes and you just want to scoop her up and take her home and cuddle her and tell her it's going to be alright - but you can't.  She's pale and looking.... well... 'deflated' is probably the best word I can think of right now.  The hardest part was that I was SO wanting her to open her eyes and comfort me, like I was (am) a child.  I needed her to hug me and take the pain away, but she wouldn't... she couldn't.  I wanted her to know that it was OK, that I was there, to comfort her, but I couldn't.  She was still, unresponsive.

For those of you whose mums are still alive, stop and think...  she may be a pain in the arse from time to time, but there will come a time when you will trade all of those moments you rolled your eyes and thought "oh, ffs, not now mum" for a single chance to hold her in your arms and tell her how much you love her.  I did it...  I rolled my eyes.. I moaned at whatever it was that she wanted me to do when it was inconvenient to me etc, but if I could rewind the clock I'd shower her with the love she's shown me all my life... from when I was a baby, all the times I cried and she comforted me, all the times I had trouble in school and she helped me, all of the memories I have of all the lovely, unselfish things she did for me for decades.  The clothes she bought me and altered if they didn't fit, walking me to school, playing with me when I was little.  Pure, unconditional love.

If your mum is still alive, put aside your selfish existence and take a fraction of the time she's dedicated to you, to make her feel loved and special.  It's important.  You never, ever know when it will be too late.  If for no other reason than this post, go and see your mum and give her a hug and tell her you love her.  It would be a great tribute to my mum, Elizabeth, if her passing, and my drunken ramblings, resulted in a handful of mums feeling loved for a moment.

I;m sorry I;m such a twat on here sometimes.  I do love you all though.

PolarityMan

It doesn't matter if others have had less or more tragedy, the thing about tragedy, especially loss of family, is its specific and personal. If "outbursts" help you process things then outburst away. Although I put it in quotes because tbh I don't see anything wrong with you posts. some here have talked about their own loss to show solidarity or empathy with you but I don't believe that times like this are deeply personal and not directly comparable so personally I prefer to just let you know that (and I'm sure I speak for the whole forum here) I'm reading everything and happy to offer whatever moral support I can.

Emp_Fab

On a lighter note, I'm sitting in the garden with a bottle of brandy and I'm wrapped in an emergency foil blanket looking like a giant, pissed, turkey.

TheBlueWolf

No need for apologies Emp, you're going through a shit time right now and, understandably, your heads in pieces.