Divorce-what's your experience?

BahHumbug

@midiglitch , my situation was similar to yours.  The ex and I did just keep it amicable and didn't argue.  No kids, so it was a simple splitting of assets and a clean break.  She was keen to get her hands on her share of the assets (our house appreciated considerably while we were in it), but not keen to do the arithmetic, so was happy for me to present her with a spreadsheet with the numbers on (which I did fairly).  We helped each other to move out to separate homes when the time came.  We still get on and see each other occasionally.  If you can keep it simple and amicable, the actual divorce is just form filling.
I have a friend who had an even better experience.  She and her ex have children and grandchildren and had a very good life together which they appreciate.  But they recognised that they had grown apart and split very amicably.  They still socialise together and are good friends.

BahHumbug

Ps, don't forget that you can separate whenever you like and worry about the formal process of divorce much later.  However, financially speaking, for most people it's necessary to do a splitting of assets in order to sort out new homes.

boogieman

My ex and I divorced 6 years back. We both felt the relationship had run its course, even though we'd made a concerted effort to save it for the sake of our kids. Divorce is like having a death in the family though, even if it's amicable. You feel you've failed. It affected me far more deeply than I ever thought it would.

We still went via solicitors for the divorce because there was joint property and our kids involved. My side cost circa £8k all in, but it was worth it because my solicitor advised me well and ultimately I got £60k more out of the divorce settlement than I'd reckoned on initially.

It's all worked out well ultimately. I met my soulmate, got remarried and am the happiest I've ever been. Meanwhile my ex is married to her wanker. 

Chalky

When I was at the point of divorce looking inevitable after 20 years of marriage, a divorced mate said "in a couple of years you'll wish you'd divorced sooner". I was sure he was completely wrong but he was completely right. The relationship I have with my second wife is not only much more grown-up, but is far deeper and more loving than with the first. Why try to repair something that is unsatisfying and faulty when you can find a newer younger model with no faults and better in every way?

Gassage

Well, just after I got divirced I told my wife why.

I was on a train  at the time...:I said 'It's something Freddie Merc, George Michael and Elton have in common?'

"Oooooo,' she replied. 'Are you singing in a band?"

midiglitch

Gassage said:

Well, just after I got divirced I told my wife why.

I was on a train  at the time...:I said 'It's something Freddie Merc, George Michael and Elton have in common?'

"Oooooo,' she replied. 'Are you singing in a band?"

Err... A passion for expensive musical equipment??

Gassage

midiglitch said:

Gassage said:

Well, just after I got divirced I told my wife why.

I was on a train  at the time...:I said 'It's something Freddie Merc, George Michael and Elton have in common?'

"Oooooo,' she replied. 'Are you singing in a band?"

Err... A passion for expensive musical equipment??

No, more to do with taking it up the shitter.

kjdowd

Gassage said:

midiglitch said:

Gassage said:

Well, just after I got divirced I told my wife why.

I was on a train  at the time...:I said 'It's something Freddie Merc, George Michael and Elton have in common?'

"Oooooo,' she replied. 'Are you singing in a band?"

Err... A passion for expensive musical equipment??

No, more to do with taking it up the shitter.

No. Still not with you. Maybe if you dispensed with the confusing comparisons and analogies and were more forthright?

Gassage

Genuinely, the first comment is true.

thomasross20

Dunno why anybody has to get married at all. An outdated concept. Even worse are religious wedding when you're not religious. 

midiglitch

I could write a book about *why* we have grown apart, but it's interesting to think back to when we got together.  I was in a completely different job, had just won a world championship silver medal and liked to party.  Since then i've changed career and found a job I absolutely love, completely quit sailing, and much prefer solcialisiing with a couple of good friends to partying hard.  Mrs MG has always been a better person than me, but I've grown a lot.  She is still in pretty much the same job, (which she has never really enjoyed) and her world really hasn't changed that much in the last ten years.  
I guess I'm no longer the person she fell in love with, and I feel, to a certain extent, bored of her being so static.  I find her annoying to live with in many ways, and I guess the big one is that I can't imagine raising children with her.  In the early years our love was strong enough that we overlooked each others foibles, and I'm not sure we can ever get back to that state.  Like the way you can never really enjoy a particular song after you first notice that th cowbell is mixed in way too loud, all the way through...

Dunno, I'm just rambling now.
Two weeks ago I was incredibly sad about the whole thing, we both were.  But I feel I'm coming to terms with it.  I'm taking that as sign that it is what my heart wants. </soppy chat>

thomasross20

What was your medal in? Wow!

Iamnobody

thomasross20 said:

Dunno why anybody has to get married at all. An outdated concept. Even worse are religious wedding when you're not religious. 

I used to think that but in the end we did have a non-religious ceremony.

Strangely it feels good to be married though. We all have the same surname, I introduce her as my wife rather than girlfriend etc. It just feels right.

Gassage

What I genuinly don't get is why married couples are so wound up if their partner has sex with someone else.

I so don't get this it's untrue.

octatonic

thomasross20 said:

Dunno why anybody has to get married at all. An outdated concept. Even worse are religious wedding when you're not religious. 

For us it was a necessity.
We moved to Switzerland and it wasn't possible for me to get a visa to work there, or even live there for more than 3 months at a time, without us being married.
Otherwise we might not have bothered.

Drew_TNBD

Iamnobody said:

A trip to Center Parcs maybe?

If they're not really in love any more, I don't think she's gonna wanna go there.

earwighoney

Interesting thread, nothing to add aside from 

thomasross20

Gassage said:

What I genuinly don't get is why married couples are so wound up if their partner has sex with someone else.

I so don't get this it's untrue.

Another good talking point lol

Gassage

thomasross20 said:

Gassage said:

What I genuinly don't get is why married couples are so wound up if their partner has sex with someone else.

I so don't get this it's untrue.

Another good talking point lol

I'm serious. I just don't get it.

octatonic

Gassage said:

What I genuinly don't get is why married couples are so wound up if their partner has sex with someone else.

I so don't get this it's untrue.

I reckon a lot of straight (& vanilla) guys are jealous of the seemingly unlimited amount of guilt-free extra-marital shenanigans that happens in gay relationships.
The unfortunate reality for straight guys is there is loads of potential unlimited extra-marital shenanigans for the woman in a relationship (should she be interested in that sort of thing), but not the bloke- at least not without paying for it.
Single straight guys at fetish clubs are about as welcome as a case of genital warts.