Divorce-what's your experience?

holnrew

That's what scares me about marriage and women. You can be with them for years and then suddenly they're a different, terrible person. 

I know it's confirmation bias because it tallies with my experience, but the fact it happens at all makes me scared to give myself to anybody again. 

octatonic

holnrew said:

That's what scares me about marriage and women. You can be with them for years and then suddenly they're a different, terrible person. 

I know it's confirmation bias because it tallies with my experience, but the fact it happens at all makes me scared to give myself to anybody again. 

People change, it is inevitable- that doesn't mean it isn't worth doing or you are automatically going to get hurt.
I've been married for 12 years- my wife is mostly the same person that she was when I married her but there are changes.
I've changed more, most likely.

I should also say that I don't want to be married to someone who doesn't change- who is stuck being exactly the same person for decades, doing the same stuff. The great thing about spending your life with someone is watching them get interested in other things, some stuff you do together, some you do separately.

Bidley

Reading things like @gubble posted really makes you wonder if getting dressed up for a day and putting a ring on is really worth the risk of all that. Fuck that shit.

All the best @gubble !

jd0272

@gubble mate, don't blame the bloke. He's just doing what your wife allows him to do. And why wouldn't he? He's no emotional tie to you.

My estranged wife (fckd off one week before Xmas last year, how's that for max bastardness?) has been through half the adult male population of the town she moved back to, bothers me not one bit. Boys do what boys do. Mind, she didn't leave me for a specific bloke, she just decided she didn't want to be a wife and mother any more. 

On my bright side, she had the children removed by Police and SS in June, so I have my boys back home with me, in my house, with only my name on the mortgage (try getting your hands on the equity now sweety...), the Police are looking at charging her, the DWP are looking at bringing charges for fraudulent claims for child benefit etc, she's lost her (well paid) job in child protection, and will never be able to work in that area of employment again, I'm going to open child maintenance claim, as she's not paid me a penny for the boys (I paid her when she had them), she's dropped off the map, being unable to be contacted by SS or Police at this time, but also not showing any interest in contact with our children, which suits me. The boys are coping well as they are safe, cared for, and loved.

Money side is tight as I can't get child benefit, and child tax credit as it's suspended due to her fraudulent claiming of it, but that'll sort itself out eventually. Christmas may be grim this year.


It's all likely to get a whole lot worse, and I'll have to bear it all until l can petition for desertion Dec 18th next year. But I'm in a much stronger position than I was before June 14th. And the GF is bloody lush.

Best thoughts though fella.

lloyd

jd0272 said:

@gubble mate, don't blame the bloke. He's just doing what your wife allows him to do. And why wouldn't he? He's no emotional tie to you.

My estranged wife (fckd off one week before Xmas last year, how's that for max bastardness?) has been through half the adult male population of the town she moved back to, bothers me not one bit. Boys do what boys do. Mind, she didn't leave me for a specific bloke, she just decided she didn't want to be a wife and mother any more. 

On my bright side, she had the children removed by Police and SS in June, so I have my boys back home with me, in my house, with only my name on the mortgage (try getting your hands on the equity now sweety...), the Police are looking at charging her, the DWP are looking at bringing charges for fraudulent claims for child benefit etc, she's lost her (well paid) job in child protection, and will never be able to work in that area of employment again, I'm going to open child maintenance claim, as she's not paid me a penny for the boys (I paid her when she had them), she's dropped off the map, being unable to be contacted by SS or Police at this time, but also not showing any interest in contact with our children, which suits me. The boys are coping well as they are safe, cared for, and loved.

Money side is tight as I can't get child benefit, and child tax credit as it's suspended due to her fraudulent claiming of it, but that'll sort itself out eventually. Christmas may be grim this year.


It's all likely to get a whole lot worse, and I'll have to bear it all until l can petition for desertion Dec 18th next year. But I'm in a much stronger position than I was before June 14th. And the GF is bloody lush.

Best thoughts though fella.

After all the shit mate this is post of the year, she's reaping what she's sown.

jd0272

I'm normally not malicious @lloyd matey, but I sincerely hope so. And cheers!

Remember kids, choose your sociopath wisely.

lloyd

jd0272 said:

I'm normally not malicious @lloyd matey, but I sincerely hope so. And cheers!

Remember kids, choose your sociopath wisely.

Me neither and I don't know either of you but if even half the shit you posted is accurate (no reason to doubt either-there's Probabaly a lot that you haven't said) I'm glad she's getting on how she is-if only to serve as a warning to other women.

jd0272

lloyd said:

jd0272 said:

I'm normally not malicious @lloyd matey, but I sincerely hope so. And cheers!

Remember kids, choose your sociopath wisely.

Me neither and I don't know either of you but if even half the shit you posted is accurate (no reason to doubt either-there's Probabaly a lot that you haven't said) I'm glad she's getting on how she is-if only to serve as a warning to other women.

Aye it's accurate, in as much as what I've been advised. I'd imagine there's a lot more will come out. Selling of drugs has been mentioned, and I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up prostituting herself. A mighty fall in 7 months in any event. It's what the police decide to do that interests me, any charges would strengthen my position re custody and influence over any future contact she may want with the boys no end. She's just destructive to them. 

V hard on the children obviously, but they are massively better settled, much better behaved than when we were together (as she was v difficult to live with....) and we'll get through it. 

It's also amazed me how I spent 11 years worshipping the ground she walked on, to now not giving any actual fucks if she's alive or dead? And I have thought about that scenario, the only downside I can see is I'd get lumbered with her ever emerging debts as her (still) husband. I think anyway?

Just remaining interested in what she does next. Couldn't make it up.

bob21

jd0272 said:

Christmas may be grim this year.

@jd0272 - if this turns out to be true, please post up. I'm sure you're not seeking charity - but I'd hate to see anyone's kids get a shit christmas - and I'd happily throw a few quid towards a better one (and I'm sure others would too). Season of goodwill and all that!

fnpt

bob21 said:

jd0272 said:

Christmas may be grim this year.

@jd0272 - if this turns out to be true, please post up. I'm sure you're not seeking charity - but I'd hate to see anyone's kids get a shit christmas - and I'd happily throw a few quid towards a better one (and I'm sure others would too). Season of goodwill and all that!

Absolutely!

jd0272

@bob21 @fbpt lads the sentiment isn't in vain, lovely thought and thank you. Heart warming! But no, just means they won't be getting ultra tech and overwhelmed. She used to be ridiculous at Xmas, and the kids would be overwhelmed. Caused many an arguement...

They'll be getting much less, but considered gifts appropriate for their ages. A 5 yr old does not need an iPad, and an 8 year old def does not need a flamin iPhone!!! I want them to have a childhood where they understand what it is to play and be creative with their minds. Less is more. So actually, probs not that grim at all. Just 'less' consumerist.

Blaendulais

jd0272 said:

@gubble mate, don't blame the bloke. He's just doing what your wife allows him to do. And why wouldn't he? He's no emotional tie to you.

My estranged wife (fckd off one week before Xmas last year, how's that for max bastardness?) has been through half the adult male population of the town she moved back to, bothers me not one bit. Boys do what boys do. Mind, she didn't leave me for a specific bloke, she just decided she didn't want to be a wife and mother any more. 

On my bright side, she had the children removed by Police and SS in June, so I have my boys back home with me, in my house, with only my name on the mortgage (try getting your hands on the equity now sweety...), the Police are looking at charging her, the DWP are looking at bringing charges for fraudulent claims for child benefit etc, she's lost her (well paid) job in child protection, and will never be able to work in that area of employment again, I'm going to open child maintenance claim, as she's not paid me a penny for the boys (I paid her when she had them), she's dropped off the map, being unable to be contacted by SS or Police at this time, but also not showing any interest in contact with our children, which suits me. The boys are coping well as they are safe, cared for, and loved.

Money side is tight as I can't get child benefit, and child tax credit as it's suspended due to her fraudulent claiming of it, but that'll sort itself out eventually. Christmas may be grim this year.


It's all likely to get a whole lot worse, and I'll have to bear it all until l can petition for desertion Dec 18th next year. But I'm in a much stronger position than I was before June 14th. And the GF is bloody lush.

Best thoughts though fella.

Best thoughts to you fella as well - you're obviously a bloody good dedicated dad

jd0272

I think 'dad's' generally are way underrated. It's like having a minge gives the woman an automatic parenting passport? I think not. Bloody society.