Divorce-what's your experience?

richardhomer

thomasross20 said:

Dunno why anybody has to get married at all. An outdated concept.

I don't think it is - a friend's lesbian daughter married her partner about two weeks ago - because they wanted to and are now able. 

I loved being married; I loved wearing a wedding ring. I was proud to tell the world I was committed to my wife and my wife only.

I'm not saying everyone should be married - but I respect the institution. I've gone into what went wrong on here before and would rather not do so again, as I'm trying to put the past behind me - but I tried as hard as I could to preserve the relationship. I fought for my marriage - and in spite of the horrors of its eventual demise, I'd love to meet a new Mrs Homer and do it again.

earwighoney

richardhomer said:

thomasross20 said:

Dunno why anybody has to get married at all. An outdated concept.

I don't think it is - a friend's lesbian daughter married her partner about two weeks ago - because they wanted to and are now able. 

I loved being married; I loved wearing s wedding ring. I was proud to tell the world I was committed to my wife and my wife only.

I'm not saying everyone should be married - but I respect the institution. I've gone into what went wrong on here before and would rather not do so again, as I'm trying to put the past behind me - but I tried as hard as I could to preserve the relationship. I fought for my marriage - and in spite of the horrors of its eventual demise, I'd love to meet a new Mrs Homer and do it again.

I have nothing but respect for you for such a post.  

Danny1969

I've often thought it should be very difficult to get married and a lot easier to get divorced 

richardhomer

earwighoney said:
I have nothing but respect for you for such a post.  

Thank you.

Clearly whoever 'Lol'd' me disagrees....

holnrew

I'd love to be married, but I don't trust others not to change.

holnrew

octatonic said:

holnrew said:

What so there are men who already have wives going and getting more on the side? I can't even get disabled women to respond to me on dating sites

I have a ... well, not a mate because I don't really respect him, but an acquaintance that is always looking for women to fooch- his wife has no idea.
Married with 2 kids, has absolutely zero problem that he does it.
I've seen him chatting up women, giving them his card when we are out to dinner and she is at the loo.
I don't get involved in it- I'm not going to disclose anything to her- it isn't my place to do it.

Earlier in the thread I talked about a friend's husband who was on sugar daddy dating type sites- he had a string of women he was basically supporting. It was going on for years and years- I had no idea about this but wasn't surprised when I heard.

I've never cheated on anyone- I saw what happened to my mum when she found out my Dad did it, so it just isn't something I'd consider doing.
IMHO it is better if everyone knows what is going on- if you want to have extra martial somethings and your partner is into it too  (or at least doesn't mind you doing it) then go for it.
If they aren't then find someone who is.
I can't really abide the 'cake and eat it too' mentality where one partner plays away and the other partner has no idea.

So as long as I tell Mrs Oct about it, you and I can bum?

boogieman

holnrew said:

I'd love to be married, but I don't trust others not to change.

Anyone who doesn't change is either dead or not worth the investment. Why would you want a static, boring relationship? Seriously, you don't expect a person to ever change as they get older?

Most people change for the better as the relationship grows: you learn from joint experience, life knocks the corners off you, you blend with your partner more. I know you've had a bad experience in the past but please don't be frightened of change mate. 

octatonic

holnrew said:

So as long as I tell Mrs Oct about it, you and I can bum?

I'm not sure you can hold your breath long enough to be interesting to me.

RocknRollDave

My story, FWIW:
After a long period in denial, knowing deep down that something was wrong but not admitting it to myself, I finally reached the point where I said ''out loud to myself'', so to speak, that I needed to leave.Nobody wakes up one day and out of nowhere decides they want to get divorced, but after so long kidding yourself, when you finally admit it has reached that point, that is exactly how it feels, like someone has flicked a switch that can't just be unflicked...
It caused a lot of hurt, I am sure, but once I had reached the realisation that even if it was salvagable, I didn't WANT to save it, my heart just wasn't in it anymore...I had to call time on it.

In our particular situation, she wasn't working and so was able to divorce me for free thanks to legal aid. We said it was down to my 'unreasonable behaviour' and since neither of us was arguing over any property (we had none) or kids (ditto), I didn't contest it and so we didn't have to go into any details as to what that unreasonable behaviour may have been.

Fast forward to now and my life has totally changed for the better. I am a father and I am in a relationship that works for both of us and feels right. My ex wife is also in a happy, stable relationship and despite the hurt at the time, I am sure we would both agree it was the right thing to do. 

english_bob

My experience of divorce is probably very atypical  - did it in my mid-20s (long fucking story) when neither of us had kids, property or money. We'd come to the realization that we didn't want to be together and just wanted to be rid of each other, so there was nothing to fight about.

When she moved out we argued about a few of the CDs, but the getting divorced part involved paying some money to the court, getting her to sign some forms, paying some more money to the court and getting a very unimpressive document for the divorce decree. They didn't even print it on nice paper.

Like I said, I was broke there was nothing worth trying to split between us, we'd split because we were done with each other, not because anyone was cheating or anything, so no solicitors were involved and I basically did the whole thing with a "do your own divorce" kit I got off Amazon. I think I had to email her two or three times to tell her what was happening. Far more straightforward and less painful than the last couple of years of being married. It is possible to do it without all the nastiness, but I wouldn't count on it.

DLM

Gassage said:

Genuinely, the first comment is true.

@Gassage I've wow'd this, James, in the understanding that you mean that you were once married to a woman. If I'm mistaken, I'll change it to a lol, 'cause it was a great joke you made.

RocknRollDave

DLM said:

Gassage said:

Genuinely, the first comment is true.

@Gassage I've wow'd this, James, in the understanding that you mean that you were once married to a woman. If I'm mistaken, I'll change it to a lol, 'cause it was a great joke you made.

Not quite the same thing but:

My ex wife and I got married at the same place a lesbian couple we know got married....They also split up.
(Can you see where this is going yet..?)

My ex wife is now with one of the women from that lesbian marriage. And the other part of that lesbian couple is now with a man.

EricTheWeary

You are Ross from Friends and ICM £10?

RocknRollDave said:

DLM said:

Gassage said:

Genuinely, the first comment is true.

@Gassage I've wow'd this, James, in the understanding that you mean that you were once married to a woman. If I'm mistaken, I'll change it to a lol, 'cause it was a great joke you made.

Not quite the same thing but:

My ex wife and I got married at the same place a lesbian couple we know got married....They also split up.
(Can you see where this is going yet..?)

My ex wife is now with one of the women from that lesbian marriage. And the other part of that lesbian couple is now with a man.

RocknRollDave

EricTheWeary said:

You are Ross from Friends and ICM £10?

RocknRollDave said:

DLM said:

Gassage said:

Genuinely, the first comment is true.

@Gassage I've wow'd this, James, in the understanding that you mean that you were once married to a woman. If I'm mistaken, I'll change it to a lol, 'cause it was a great joke you made.

Not quite the same thing but:

My ex wife and I got married at the same place a lesbian couple we know got married....They also split up.
(Can you see where this is going yet..?)

My ex wife is now with one of the women from that lesbian marriage. And the other part of that lesbian couple is now with a man.

I thought it was supposed to be "I claim my FIVE pounds"...?! Inflation, I guess...
Either way, I am afraid the prize for that has already long since been claimed.

In fact, ironically (and I maybe ought to have taken the hint) my ex-wife used to say I was her "Ross off Friends".........

Gassage

@rocknrolldave

 It's good to see you're still building bridges across the dykes though...

Drew_TNBD

Lesbians aren't real. They're just failed women.

RocknRollDave

Drew_fx said:

Lesbians aren't real. They're just failed women.

I don't know about that, but these definitely weren't real lesbians - They are nothing like the ones in the videos....

Drew_TNBD

RocknRollDave said:

Drew_fx said:

Lesbians aren't real. They're just failed women.

I don't know about that, but these definitely weren't real lesbians - They are nothing like the ones in the videos....

Video evidence required.

octatonic

I remember my uncle (who is a gay priest- yes the jokes write themselves) saying that he found it perverse that many straight men having a thing for lesbians.
His argument was 'but they are gay, they don't want men- why would men be into that?'.

RocknRollDave

octatonic said:

I remember my uncle (who is a gay priest- yes the jokes write themselves) saying that he found it perverse that many straight men having a thing for lesbians.
His argument was 'but they are gay, they don't want men- why would men be into that?'.

So you can't enjoy porn without knowing that there is a good chance the people involved would definitely fancy you if they met you...?!