Divorce-what's your experience?

octatonic

RocknRollDave said:

octatonic said:

I remember my uncle (who is a gay priest- yes the jokes write themselves) saying that he found it perverse that many straight men having a thing for lesbians.
His argument was 'but they are gay, they don't want men- why would men be into that?'.

So you can't enjoy porn without knowing that there is a good chance the people involved would definitely fancy you if they met you...?!

Well, I can't speak for him, but as I understand it he sort of misunderstood it.
There was, in his mind, a bit of a disconnect between the sorts of lesbians you see in porn- which he'd probably never seen- and the actually lesbians that existed in real life.

It was a bit of a throw away comment from him- but I remember thinking 'yeah, I don't think I can explain this to you'.
Nor did I want to.

RocknRollDave

octatonic said:

RocknRollDave said:

octatonic said:

I remember my uncle (who is a gay priest- yes the jokes write themselves) saying that he found it perverse that many straight men having a thing for lesbians.
His argument was 'but they are gay, they don't want men- why would men be into that?'.

So you can't enjoy porn without knowing that there is a good chance the people involved would definitely fancy you if they met you...?!

Well, I can't speak for him, but as I understand it he sort of misunderstood it.
There was, in his mind, a bit of a disconnect between the sorts of lesbians you see in porn- which he'd probably never seen- and the actually lesbians that existed in real life.

It was a bit of a throw away comment from him- but I remember thinking 'yeah, I don't think I can explain this to you'.
Nor did I want to.

Well, quite.

I don't suppose real life lesbians are much into gay priests either, come to think of it.

RocknRollDave

Drew_fx said:

RocknRollDave said:

Drew_fx said:

Lesbians aren't real. They're just failed women.

I don't know about that, but these definitely weren't real lesbians - They are nothing like the ones in the videos....

Video evidence required.

Hard to negotiate through my browsing history now that my eyesight is failing so....

Gassage

There was an interesting debate on Radio 4 the other day about watching porn

One of the women interviewed wanted their husband to explain why he watched it and understand all the motives etc

I was like 'Cos it's fucking horny you dumb bint...'

I simply have no comprehension as why anyone would object to their partner watching porn.

octatonic

Gassage said:

There was an interesting debate on Radio 4 the other day about watching porn

One of the women interviewed wanted their husband to explain why he watched it and understand all the motives etc

I was like 'Cos it's fucking horny you dumb bint...'

I simply have no comprehension as why anyone would object to their partner watching porn.

I had a girlfriend who used to lose her shit over that sort of thing.
Her attitude was 'I should be enough'.
Needless to say it didn't last with her.

RocknRollDave

Gassage said:

There was an interesting debate on Radio 4 the other day about watching porn

One of the women interviewed wanted their husband to explain why he watched it and understand all the motives etc

I was like 'Cos it's fucking horny you dumb bint...'

I simply have no comprehension as why anyone would object to their partner watching porn.

I get why some women find it uncomfortable, why they feel like it will be a yardstick against which they will be judged - both in looks and in behaviour, and why they feel women are objectified by it. But then again I think (in generalised terms of course, not true for everyone) men have a different reaction and relationship to such stimulation. Maybe that means for gay men it isn't an issue like it is to straight women. I dunno, I've never been a gay man or a woman. 
...yet.

Gassage

Me and Ali watch it together. Often.

octatonic

RocknRollDave said:

Gassage said:

There was an interesting debate on Radio 4 the other day about watching porn

One of the women interviewed wanted their husband to explain why he watched it and understand all the motives etc

I was like 'Cos it's fucking horny you dumb bint...'

I simply have no comprehension as why anyone would object to their partner watching porn.

I get why some women find it uncomfortable, why they feel like it will be a yardstick against which they will be judged - both in looks and in behaviour, and why they feel women are objectified by it. But then again I think (in generalised terms of course, not true for everyone) men have a different reaction and relationship to such stimulation. Maybe that means for gay men it isn't an issue like it is to straight women. I dunno, I've never been a gay man or a woman. 
...yet.

I know what you mean, but I've always found it pretty strange.

I think it comes down to the ideal that each gender seems to have regarding the type of partner they *should* have.
I saw this cartoon several years ago which kinda summed it up.



My attitude is 'it is just sex'.
I don't lie about it, because I value honesty- but the act itself can be no more important than eating.
You'd never get grief from your partner because you ate at a restaurant, rather than eating at home.

lloyd

octatonic said:

Gassage said:

There was an interesting debate on Radio 4 the other day about watching porn

One of the women interviewed wanted their husband to explain why he watched it and understand all the motives etc

I was like 'Cos it's fucking horny you dumb bint...'

I simply have no comprehension as why anyone would object to their partner watching porn.

I had a girlfriend who used to lose her shit over that sort of thing.
Her attitude was 'I should be enough'.
Needless to say it didn't last with her.

Yeah that blow job you grudgingly doled out last month is all I need sweetie pie

octatonic

lloyd said:

octatonic said:

Gassage said:

There was an interesting debate on Radio 4 the other day about watching porn

One of the women interviewed wanted their husband to explain why he watched it and understand all the motives etc

I was like 'Cos it's fucking horny you dumb bint...'

I simply have no comprehension as why anyone would object to their partner watching porn.

I had a girlfriend who used to lose her shit over that sort of thing.
Her attitude was 'I should be enough'.
Needless to say it didn't last with her.

Yeah that blow job you grudgingly doled out last month is all I need sweetie pie

Yeah, once I finally found it- I thought you were smuggling a baby carrot in your pants.

holnrew

My ex was funny about porn and even just wanking on my own. Made me repress my sexuality and i wanted sex less. That and she was fat

midiglitch

needless to say that this thread has not taken the direction I originally thought it might...

which has cheered me right up
thanks guys!  Kutgw

octatonic

midiglitch said:

needless to say that this thread has not taken the direction I originally thought it might...

which has cheered me right up
thanks guys!  Kutgw

We do good work.

richardhomer

octatonic said:

midiglitch said:

needless to say that this thread has not taken the direction I originally thought it might...

which has cheered me right up
thanks guys!  Kutgw

We do good work.

Indeed. Sensitive folk do not enter....

Drew_TNBD

RocknRollDave said:

Gassage said:

There was an interesting debate on Radio 4 the other day about watching porn

One of the women interviewed wanted their husband to explain why he watched it and understand all the motives etc

I was like 'Cos it's fucking horny you dumb bint...'

I simply have no comprehension as why anyone would object to their partner watching porn.

I get why some women find it uncomfortable, why they feel like it will be a yardstick against which they will be judged - both in looks and in behaviour, and why they feel women are objectified by it. But then again I think (in generalised terms of course, not true for everyone) men have a different reaction and relationship to such stimulation. Maybe that means for gay men it isn't an issue like it is to straight women. I dunno, I've never been a gay man or a woman. 
...yet.

Women have no control over their emotions.

https://vulgarmorality.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/fainting-victorian-lady.jpg

gubble

I've only just seen this and my experiences with divorce were horrific!

Married 3 years, 1 very young child. One day the wife decided she no longer wanted me and would like me to move out for a few days for a break.

Discovered this all to be a ruse and she'd been planning the entire thing for a long time whilst having an affair at work. We had also literally signed a new 5 year mortgage deal less than two weeks previously. I can say with conviction that this was an evil and calculated plan over a period of time to get rid of me and ensure I was financially ruined whilst she reaped the benefits.

So far the divorce has cost me £5k in solicitors fees. £2k in mediation. Her partner has lived in my house for over 12 months and she has gifted him the family car that she did not purchase. Meanwhile she feels I am entitled to absolutely zero equity in the house despite me providing the deposit and paying the mortgage. Refuses to accept the standard triggers of child reaches 18 or leaves FTE, partner lives there for 6 months or older or remarries (which she is planning to do). There have been some crazy and wild accusations made against me which are unfounded and untrue and have caused a huge amount of pain, upset and anxiety resulting in me having a breakdown and being unable to function at work for a time.

As she apparently has unlimited fund to pay for solicitors (I've no idea where from) she's happy for me to take her to court and spend an estimated (by my solicitor) £20k+ in fighting for what is right knowing I can't afford this.

I personally feel the system was designed so people like that can play the system if they want to and screw you out of everything you ever had.

What I really cannot understand is the bloke she lives with must know this isn't right - he lives in a house that I own (against my wishes) with me on the mortgage probably knowing full well he should buy me out.  He's effectively living on my credit and doesn't seem to worry about that - this one thing really makes my blood boil.

Drew_TNBD

@gubble - does she have any rich relatives that you've had a run in with in the past?

Don't count on the guy having any sense of honour. Modern day men have no respect or sense of brotherhood anymore. Every dog out for themselves apparently.

You could always start a Patreon to seek funds? There are definite avenues out there.

Troy

@gubble That's one messed up situation! System is so unbalanced in favour of females, can see why Fathers 4 Justice came about. Hope it all works itself out for you, don't let her take your sanity too.

boogieman

Wow @gubble, that stinks. The family court will look dimly on her behaviour and if my experience is anything to go by, they'll sort out the house/ financial aspect fairly and she won't get away with it. It's a sad situation though when you realise how mercenary some people can be, especially when essentially you've trusted them so much.

Good luck buddy, sound like you'll need it. 

gubble

Thanks guys.

I'm actually much happier than I was previously (a few years ago you guys literally helped me so much at the time you'll never know how talking to some of you kept me going)

I've also my daughter to think about who thankfully adores my new partner who is a brilliant 'stepmum' to her.

The financial side of things is the real sticking point but it has to be sorted one day and it will one way or another. Whilst some days it makes my blood boil other days I look at it and think hey I'm alive, I've got a much better life and realistically have all I need - I'm a much better person than she will ever be and can hold my head high. I'm not a dishonest liar and cheat, nor am I riding on the coat tails of someone else.

If I didn't think that way I'd probably go insane !

A solicitor did tell me the old saying "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned is incorrect. Hell hath no fury like a woman who's had an affair, ditched the husband and decided to take the poor guy for everything he's worth"

Obviously I can't go into details much in an online forum but wow I've been accused of some messed up stuff during all this, non of which was true and when challenged could not be proved at all.