Devastating News

merlin

Thomas, you're a Saint. Don't feel guilt about time you spent on other things, or not giving her your passwords or ANYTHING. Survivors remorse is so common amongst those whose loved ones die before them and the straight ahead fact is that the Love you showed her, and gave freely is the greatest gift a being can give another. Now it's your turn to be Love yourself as Sheena loved you..... 

thomasross20

Guys... I know this might be total rubbish but I'd like to believe it....

- Since she passed, the day after, the sun was out and I felt she was smiling on us so I took the girls to the Botanics... who else was there but her sister and brother-in-law, who were there the night of her passing....

- I asked Sheena if the above was a sign... the following morning, the pansies (her fave flower) I put in pots for her had all wilted. I thought "is this her saying goodbye" (ok, maybe it was the temperature drop ...)

- the morning after that, the pansies were fine again!

- this morning, I turned on the TV in the bedroom, which I rarely do. The first thing to come on was "The Chase," which was one of her favourite programmes to watch. 

- The celebrant for the funeral has the same name as the jeweler she used in Edinburgh to pierce her ears. 

- Tonight, her youngest daughter pointed out that the wallpaper at the wake venue was the same which Sheena had used when re-decorating the kitchen in the old flat... 

Too many coincidences! Sheena, I hear you, and I love you!

I've got the girls to make the memory box themselves, which I think is good for them.

guitars4you

thomasross20 said:

I've got the girls to make the memory box themselves, which I think is good for them.

I saw a programme on the BBC a few weeks ago about Rio Ferdinand and him coping with the death of his wife and looking after the kids and the memory box looked a great idea - I had never seen it before so I hope it goes well and you all do it together - build a bond

and whilst I deleted the other part of the posting, it was not to ignore your other comments - I have read them and taken it all on board - some message and if it made you smile a bit then well done and bless you all

Alnico

My Dad still leaves me messages and signs everywhere.

thomasross20

That's heartening to hear @Alnico!


EDIT - early indications are 80-100 people for the funeral and wake. She was well loved!!

Guitar_Slinger

    VimFuego said:
    one of the things I've learnt is that there's no timetable on grief. When you are ready to clear out her things, you are ready and only you will know.

^ ^ this. I spent a couple of days up north last year doing admin and driving my Nan around when my grandad died. Then went back up north again two weeks later for his funeral (which I'd been arranging by phone/emails) - all was good, considering.

Five months later I was at home alone, going through his records, and felt really miserable for about four days. Ups n' downs Tom, but you're tough enough in the head.

Jalapeno

When you are ready to clear out her things, you are ready and only you will know.

... and involve the girls with the clearing

Cirrus

@thomasross20 I think it's fantastic that you're still seeing and feeling signs of her love for you. From what I can see, you both deserved all the love you could muster for each other and to echo everyone else (and myself earlier in the thread, I think  ) There's a lot about this thread and about you that's utterly inspirational.

I think one of the things that's tough about losing people is that our brains are hard wired to solve problems. So in the time that follows, the problem of having lost someone you love one gets attacked and probed from every angle and it takes a very long time for that part of your brain to realise that there's no *solving* it. Death is a part of life, and everything that you did together still is. When you know someone well enough, they will be with you for the rest of your life; in your memories, in the things you did together that have made you the incredible, strong person that you are today.

It won't be easy, you don't need a virtual stranger to tell you that. But one day the love and the gift of your shared experiences will drown out the sadness.

thomasross20

I've just been to see her. 
I bought new clothes for her, as she deserves, and she looks beautiful. I'll see her again before the Monday. 
I handed the canvas in, I've been choosing songs for the wake, and the girls are painting the memory box. 
The celebrant is coming today to chat about her life.

UnclePsychosis

Really sorry for your loss, Tom.

I have no concept of what you've been through but I am full of admiration for the way that you've conducted yourself.

All the best for Monday, I'm sure she'll get a great send off. There'll be tears for sure but I hope you manage to have a few laughs and smiles remembering the good times too. 

bloodandtears

My condolences. You have both dealt with this in a remarkable and enviable manner.

Keep strong, for yourself and the girls; I have no doubt you can do it.

thomasross20

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-41865716

Sheena did similar and more - birthday cards for several more years, build-a-bears with voice recordings, video messages, letters, and more. Always sad to read a story like that.

Took the girls to the carvery and cinema today. So strange without their mum. First couple hours I've had which haven't been organising... It still truly hasn't sunk in, the grieving hasn't really started. I almost felt lost, Sheena was the glue.. but they knocked on the bedroom door to say "night" so I must be doing something right. 

Visited the crem today. Tweaked my speech. Over 100 people now. Sorted out food and drink, Sheena's music at the wake, the logistics, I saw Sheena again dressed in the new clothes I got for her which are lovely.. the list goes on. 

Lots more to write another time!

EDIT - FYI the film was Thor vs Ragnorak. I must be getting old or be affected by what's happened because this film was 2/10. I prefer them to be more serious or with more depth to them. It was all over the shop - too much happening, too much "humour" etc. I seem to have gone off horror films, too (no wonder...).

Panama_Jack666

I saw the news story and immediately thought of you.

I cannot fathom the strength Sheena had to write cards so far into the future knowing she won't be here for the events. 

Keep on keeping on. I'll buy you a beer one day, Tommy.

thomasross20

Make it a cider..  
Sleep time! zzzz

guitars4you

thomasross20 said:

Took the girls to the carvery and cinema today. So strange without their mum. First couple hours I've had which haven't been organising... It still truly hasn't sunk in, the grieving hasn't really started. I almost felt lost, Sheena was the glue.. but they knocked on the bedroom door to say "night" so I must be doing something right. 

that is a nice touch about the girls and 'night' - It is a total credit to you that Sheena has trusted you with the girls - support each other - you'll all need it - Don't try to get over the grieving quickly - let it run its course - nothing to be ashamed of - I dare say it will kick in more at and after the funeral as it is the final goodbye - You are busy now with arrangements and can still visit here as such - I'm afraid that Birthdays, Christmas and other anniversary's will hurt as they happen but try and remember them with happiness and what they represent but no shame if a tear appears - join in the occasion together and support each other

DefaultM

thomasross20 said:

EDIT - FYI the film was Thor vs Ragnorak. I must be getting old or be affected by what's happened because this film was 2/10. I prefer them to be more serious or with more depth to them. It was all over the shop - too much happening, too much "humour" etc. I seem to have gone off horror films, too (no wonder...).

All of this will undoubtedly have affected your enjoyment of the film, but you also need to remember that Thor is shit. 

earwighoney

Funeral's today right?  

I'm sure like many others, you will be in our thoughts for the day.  

Alnico

earwighoney said:

Funeral's today right?  

I'm sure like many others, you will be in our thoughts for the day.  

That's what I thought too.
I've sent pretty much the same message to his phone on whatsapp. 

Thinking of you Tom.

Alnico

Just had a reply from Tommy.

Funeral is at 4pm.

bluechargeboy

Just seen this, sorry for your loss @thomasross20 . Good luck with today.