Devastating News

handsomerik

Tom, 

i havent commented much on here because i never never know what to say. I just want to offer my deepest condolences. I have been praying for you and your family at times as I've followed the thread.

I'm so sorry for your loss but also so glad to hear all about the wonderful relationship that you and Sheena shared. Many people don't find that sort of real love and contentment with one another in a whole lifetime. 

I really appreciate all you've shared and will keep you all in my prayers as I follow the thread. 

Big respect, and manly hugs. 

Rik

ToneControl

Alnico said:

A DVD holds 750GB I think.

no, just 4.7GB
double-layer holds 9.4GB 

BRISTOL86

I can’t offer much that hasn’t already been said, but I’m so very sorry for your loss Tom. 

I know it’s scant consolation right now but try and find some comfort in knowing that Sheena is free of any and all pain and suffering now. 

Something you may not have twigged in your selflessness is that you keep talking about the strength she showed in holding out until your birthday - I have no doubt whatsoever that a large part of that strength was forged by you and your actions throughout, you could not have done more, no one person could. 

Take comfort in the fact that you made Sheena’s final weeks and months as good as they could have possibly been and that she no doubt took enormous comfort from that, and will be eternally grateful. 

Alnico

ToneControl said:

Alnico said:

A DVD holds 750GB I think.

no, just 4.7GB
double-layer holds 9.4GB 

Wow I was way off, my apologies this isn't my field really.

If there's any way I can help though, I'd be really happy to.

BRISTOL86

Maybe look into a basic two disc NAS drive Tom, set up to mirror each other so that if one HDD fails the other will be ok. 

Synology are a good brand and user friendly - lots of good guides out there. 

boogieman

thomasross20 said:

Guys, I do read and appreciate your messages.. so don't think because I don't reply to each one that I don't. I just realised I will never smell her scent again. 

Find something she wore recently, it will still smell of her. 

Of course the house feels empty. You two were together for a long time. Hell, I missed my wife when she was only on holiday with her mates for a few days. I still miss our dopy lump of a Labrador, every single day and he was only a bloody dog. It's all part of the grieving process and is totally natural. There will be tears, don't ever be ashamed of that.

Once the funeral is done and dusted you'll find out who your real friends are: they're the ones who will stay in touch, pop round to see how you are, take you out for a drink and most importantly, let you talk about how you're feeling. It'll take a fair time to get over all this but honestly mate, you WILL feel better in time. Maybe think about getting back to work sooner rather than later too, it might offer some distractions. 

Btw keeping this thread going is a great idea. 

Bucket

Basically all of what @boogieman said.

Alnico

Bucket said:

Basically all of what @boogieman said.

+1

earwighoney

I've seen some places print off photos for low unit prices for large numbers e.g. 500, and maybe having some hard copies could be a nice thing to have (for the daughters perhaps?).  By doing that as well it you'd be sorting things down to GB's which could be easily burnt to a few DVD's which could be sent to your mates (in the real world and here) who could back them to their own hard drives and so on. 

Flanging_Fred

Deepest condolences for your loss. You couldn't have done more and your love and humanity has shone out like a beacon through it all.

Much love.

R.I.P Sheena.

thomasross20

RIP Sheena, definitely.
There's a good photo place nearby where we printed off Paris and wedding photos and canvases, all of which she saw and loved.

Funeral will be on Monday. The last slot on the day, which she wanted so we're not rushed out of the door! 

quarky

I know it will sound like empty platitudes, but you have done a great thing not just for Sheena, but for a lot of other people who will have to go through the process of losing someone close in our lives. That is probably no comfort at all at the moment, but you took a fucking shit situation not of your own choice or making, and made sure at least some good came from it for those around you, and even relative strangers.

Sporky

My condolences.

hubobulous

Really desperately sorry for your loss. This is an incredibly humbling yet inspirational thread. Take care of yourself

thomasross20

Thanks guys. And thanks for the offers of calls and help and even staying over! 

It is a fitting tribute to Sheena that so many people have written on this thread. 

I hope that if you have ever thought about doing this or that or have worked too hard in your life, you take the time to realise this could happen to anybody, and you owe it to yourself to live life and do what you really want, place work a tad lower in the scheme of things etc - you know what I'm saying. It will be an honour in Sheena's name if even one person followed this approach to life. 

Today I registered the death, got her a new suit, met the funeral director, waiting to hear from the celebrant, got in touch with most folk about the funeral & wake, secured the wake venue, got a suit for myself which I pick up on Friday. Also, not all, but a lot of the medical equipment has been picked up from the house. 

I remember I spent hours on this computer looking at acoustics and thinking about getting her name onto one as tribute but things like that... I wish I hadn't done. It was so near the end, as well. And it was so unimportant. I should have been with her instead of looking at that rubbish. 

Meeting again with funeral director tomorrow. Her sisters are sorting out the girls' funeral attire. Some more admin to take care of now. Powering through it! Obviously, at several points in the day, I just sat there teary-eyed... on the tram, sitting in subway getting my lunch etc. I've got lots of support but yes, it doesn't get easier. Yet, anyway. I'm really having to hold back to watch the videos she left me, and press the build-a-bear she left me... until after the funeral. 

I'm going to make special efforts to strengthen the bond between the girls and I. Even if it's just sitting to watch a Disney film together every now and then, as their mum would do. Sheena wanted us to go to Disney again in future, and Arran - and all the places she loved. It can only strengthen my dedication to Sheena and the girls. Been thinking about how I could help Marie Curie, too. In time, I'll check it out. They were brilliant.

Arktik83

I'm so sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved ones.  If you need anything feel free to get in touch, man.  

boogieman

thomasross20 said:

Thanks guys. And thanks for the offers of calls and help and even staying over! 

It is a fitting tribute to Sheena that so many people have written on this thread. 

I hope that if you have ever thought about doing this or that or have worked too hard in your life, you take the time to realise this could happen to anybody, and you owe it to yourself to live life and do what you really want, place work a tad lower in the scheme of things etc - you know what I'm saying. It will be an honour in Sheena's name if even one person followed this approach to life. 

Today I registered the death, got her a new suit, met the funeral director, waiting to hear from the celebrant, got in touch with most folk about the funeral & wake, secured the wake venue, got a suit for myself which I pick up on Friday. Also, not all, but a lot of the medical equipment has been picked up from the house. 

I remember I spent hours on this computer looking at acoustics and thinking about getting her name onto one as tribute but things like that... I wish I hadn't done. It was so near the end, as well. And it was so unimportant. I should have been with her instead of looking at that rubbish. 

Meeting again with funeral director tomorrow. Her sisters are sorting out the girls' funeral attire. Some more admin to take care of now. Powering through it! Obviously, at several points in the day, I just sat there teary-eyed... on the tram, sitting in subway getting my lunch etc. I've got lots of support but yes, it doesn't get easier. Yet, anyway. I'm really having to hold back to watch the videos she left me, and press the build-a-bear she left me... until after the funeral. 

Don't beat yourself up mate. You're allowed to spend some time on yourself.

You gave Sheena so much of your time over the last few months, I'm sure she wouldn't have begrudged you those odd couple of hours. You always gave her the very best of yourself, cut yourself a bit of slack and don't feel guilty. 

thomasross20

Maybe in time I'll cut  myself some slack. 

I'm checking Google Drive storage out... 1TB is £8 a month. 
I have about 300GB of photos and videos of Sheena that I know about. It's something I'll think on and try to act on soon, in addition to the hardware backups. 

Just watching a video she made for me on our honeymoon, stuff it - I want to see it.
EDIT - it was lovely. Really lovely. 

speshul91

thomasross20 said:

Maybe in time I'll cut  myself some slack. 

I'm checking Google Drive storage out... 1TB is £8 a month. 
I have about 300GB of photos and videos of Sheena that I know about. It's something I'll think on and try to act on soon, in addition to the hardware backups. 

Just watching a video she made for me on our honeymoon, stuff it - I want to see it.

@thomasross20 do what you need to do when you need to do it, I'm hoping i can raise a good amount for cancer research, if you need anything don't think twice about dropping me a message.

thomasross20

The funeral donations are going to a cat rescue (she loved her cats) and Marie Curie. 

Cancer research is good, too - though hand on heart, she said it didn't manage to help her lol! But it's ok - it's all good, everything helps!

It's a hot topic but to prevent people having to go through a death like cancer (some can be "peaceful" - others not) I'm going to check out just what there is out there related to end of life euthanisia. I'm talking last two days when you know things wont get better. 

But Marie Curie and cats... that's what I'll mainly stick to in memory of Sheena.