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'No' I replied, 'just walking the dogs'.
(Drum roll, cymbal!)
Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
'So it is captain' says Paddy, 'that's going to be tricky'.
'I'll tell you what' says the captain, 'I'm going to touch down where the tarmac begins, and I'll need you to hit the brakes, apply full reverse thrust, and start praying'.
'I'm praying already captain'.
Anyway, the captain manages to put the wheels down exactly where the grass stops and the runway starts. Paddy hits the brakes, applies full reverse thrust, and somehow the aircraft screeches to a shuddering halt just before the grass starts again.
The crew take a moment to compose themselves.
Eventually the captain gets his breath back and says 'Paddy, if I hadn't seen it myself, I wouldn't have though any runway would be that short'.
Paddy looks both left and right and eventually says 'It's bloody wide though'.
Boom! Boom!
Hermaphrodites. Right cocky cunts.
Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
Leading Seaman Woozy, upper deck.
A true story 11:00 toady!
Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
I decided to go to the local mosque for the first time to see what it was all about:
I sat down and the Imam came up to me, laid his hands on my hand and said: "By the will of Allah and the prophet Muhammed - you will walk today."
I told him I wasn't paralyzed, I only had a small bunion on my left foot.
He came back and laid his hands on me and looking skywards, earnestly repeated his mantra: "By the will of Allah and the prophet Muhammed - you will walk today."
Once again, I told him there was nothing wrong with me.
After prayers I stepped outside --- wouldya beleeve it ----
MY CAR WAS GONE!!!!
Seriously: If you value it, take/fetch it yourself
He started bragging, talking about his well paying job and expensive life style.
Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said,
"She's beautiful, isn't she?"
I said,
"If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."
He said,
"Why? Is she a stunner?"
I said, .
The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him how he managed to have so much energy.
The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every morning, It gives me enough energy to spend an hour at the gym every day, jog around the park and then run home.
Then I eat more in the evening and I can shag all night like a teenager." So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery.
As he was looking around, an elderly saleslady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want five loaves."
She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."
He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit except me."
I said to the salesman, "My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in the window."
He said, "We don't have a Volkswagen Golf in the window."
I said, "You do now."