girlfriend break up help

beed84

Your scenario, and many other's like it – we've all been there –, exemplifies the Sunk Cost fallacy perfectly:

Like the book, your relationship with this woman isn't going to get any better...

beed84

ewal

My tuppence worth - when you walk out you feel lonely and end up going back 2 weeks later. Therefore you are not giving yourself sufficient time to get used to life out of the relationship. Think of it like an addiction - you will feel anxious and low at first but these feelings will eventually go. So next time you walk out give yourself 3 months minimum for your brain to adjust to the new situation. You owe it to yourself.

Nikc

As many have said I've been there, to add complication we had two kids. My sense of loyalty to them and her (derrrr) kept me in line for 10 years. In the end I walked, best thing I could have done. I am happily remarried coming up to 15 years, we have a son who is a joy - a dog who is a total pain in the arse but my wife loves him. I have a great relationships with eldest two as well. My ex is still bat shit crazy and has gone through more bad relationships than I've owned guitars - interestingly both of my eldest kids have little to do with her as she is too much like hard work.

My ex hated me playing guitar so for years I didn't, hated me cycling so I didn't, pretty much hated me doing anything and then she accused me of being useless lazy and having no interests !!! 

I moved out and lived on my own there were points when it was a bit yuk - but it was worth it I read a lot and listened to lots of music when on my own - YOU CAN DO IT

Hattigol

Not read what else has been said but seriously, just leave her. Life is too fkg short. You will never get back the time you are wasting with her.

HAL9000

Late to the party but, as others have already said, GTFO. 

If loneliness is an issue then YOU need to make the effort to get out there. Sign up for an evening class, go to the gym, join the local choral society, AmDram, jam night or whatever it is that floats your boat. You will meet other people (perhaps develop new interests) and perhaps make new friends that you will socialise with outside of these activities. Who knows, you might even meet the woman of your dreams.

I’m someone who is actually okay with my own company, but nonetheless I attend a local 12 bar workshop, and a community choir - my singing is poor (no, worse than that) but choir is generally an excuse to go to the pub afterwards so there’s quite a bit of socialising.

But whatever else you do or don’t do, you need to get out of what you yourself have admitted is a toxic relationship.

Best of luck.

Jimbro66

This is like reading a book where you find the last page is missing. Wha happened??!

Possible endings:

• The consensus advice was not really what the OP was hoping for.
• It was what he hoped for but he just couldn't summon the will power.
• He went back again (and again, and....)
• He told her what everyone here said and she killed him. (RIP).

EDIT: After update from mark123 it looks like the last page could have a happy ending. Fingers crossed

BigBearKris

Late to the party but only can second what's been said on here. 
I've posted on this very forum, nearly a year ago, about my breakup of 9year long relationship.  It wasn't even half as bad as yours, but I still cannot be thankful enough for it to happen. Listen to the advice on here - plenty of wisdom there and trust me - so many blokes have gone and are going through it - and many more will. 
Leave. Close this chapter. Open a new one. You will be surprised what you will find. It's all big words which may scare you: "the search for your inner self" etc - just bloody do it - it takes courage but will pay off double!
Have strength and do it!

Roland

Jimbro66 said:

This is like reading a book where you find the last page is missing. Wha happened??!

OP continues to visit the forum, but hasn’t added to the thread. I presume that he will when he’s ready to. Until then we should leave him in peace. 

Veganic

Roland said:

Jimbro66 said:

This is like reading a book where you find the last page is missing. Wha happened??!

OP continues to visit the forum, but hasn’t added to the thread. I presume that he will when he’s ready to. Until then we should leave him in peace. 

If you're sure he's not visiting other forums?

Jimbro66

Roland said:

Jimbro66 said:

This is like reading a book where you find the last page is missing. Wha happened??!

OP continues to visit the forum, but hasn’t added to the thread. I presume that he will when he’s ready to. Until then we should leave him in peace. 

It didn’t sound like he was getting much peace but mod wrist slap (ouch) accepted. A shame when so many members have expressed genuine concern and heartfelt advice that the thread just peters out............

mark123

hi update 
Thanks to everyone
i do come back on and read this thread again and again ,
the sucess stories of leaving and finding a much better partner have stopped me a few times from ringing her and trying to get back 
Ive had voicemals off her this week (cant find a call blocker that blocks everything??)they have ranged from crying and saying why do i hate her so much? to i am useless a liar and i need to see a shrink !
Many thanks to all, i am doing what you have all said ,playing guitar more, got on top of my house, looks tidy again! looking to join a gym this weekend .
I will keep you all updated but but not every day 
thanks to you all !

mikeyrob73

Well done @mark123 ;

as i said in pm it DOES get easier mate 

ToneControl

best of luck to you, gym sounds like a good idea

Strat_a_tat_tat

@mark123 ; Good luck... keep busy... and enjoy the gym.... and your guitar.

Phil_aka_Pip

Strat_a_tat_tat said:

@mark123 ; Good luck... keep busy... and enjoy the gym.... and your guitar.

^ This ^

Emp_Fab

@mark123 - Well done mate.  It's your life from now on - the way you want to live it.

Roland

Jimbro66 said:

Roland said:

Jimbro66 said:

This is like reading a book where you find the last page is missing. Wha happened??!

OP continues to visit the forum, but hasn’t added to the thread. I presume that he will when he’s ready to. Until then we should leave him in peace. 

It didn’t sound like he was getting much peace but mod wrist slap (ouch) accepted. A shame when so many members have expressed genuine concern and heartfelt advice that the thread just peters out............

No slap intended. I just wanted to cool down any speculation. As you know, some of our members are prone to trying to out-gross each other with their comments.

mudslide73

We're proud of you mate. Just one day at a time now.. 

Jimbro66

mark123 said:

hi update 
Thanks to everyone
i do come back on and read this thread again and again ,
the sucess stories of leaving and finding a much better partner have stopped me a few times from ringing her and trying to get back 
Ive had voicemals off her this week (cant find a call blocker that blocks everything??)they have ranged from crying and saying why do i hate her so much? to i am useless a liar and i need to see a shrink !
Many thanks to all, i am doing what you have all said ,playing guitar more, got on top of my house, looks tidy again! looking to join a gym this weekend .
I will keep you all updated but but not every day 
thanks to you all !

That's great Mark. You really do deserve more and it's good to hear that you are going for it. There's a lot of guys here willing you on so don't forget that. And don't hold back from leaning on us if there are times you need some moral support. Quite a few of us have been through what you are going through and know the mixed feelings involved but none of us would look back. The future is what matters