Write an open letter of clarification to an artist of your choosing.

stimpsonslostson

Dear Mr Martin,
Guessing at numbers and figures is exactly NOT what a Scientist does.
Regards
Mr LostSon
PS- I WOULD like to thank you for repeatedly curing my insomnia.

stimpsonslostson

Dear Ms Spears, Mr Dury & Pretty Reckless
I did hit you- one more time, with my rhythm stick, like a man.
My parole meeting is next week, please could you attend to attest to your coercive role in the events leading to my conviction of GBH.
Mr Dury, you may be excused on account of your lack of pulse.
Yours
stimpson.

stimpsonslostson

Dear Mr Kroeger.
Still want to be a rock star? Keep dreaming son.
Furthermore, as this is an open letter on a public forum, I sadly cannot include your reminder of what you really are. Profanity is frowned upon here.

Regards etc.

Gassage

Dear Mr B George,

As it happens, yes I do.

For making all gayers look pathetic and weak.

Yours in pink,
Gassage.

Gassage

Dear HRH E. Presley,

I know it's not the ideal solution and I apologise for being clumsy but you might want to try this:

http://www.cleanipedia.co.uk/en/materials-surfaces/how-to-clean-suede-cleaning-suede-boots-shoes-jackets-and-accessories1

Hope it helps.

Best,
Gassage.

Flink_Poyd

Dear Ms Winehouse, in light of your recent passing do you now believe the correct course of action would have been to take the offer of rehabilitation more seriously?
Reply by either turning the landing lights on and off 3 times or channel through that weird Derek Acorah fellow.

RocknRollDave

Dear Mr Hendrix
No, I have never been there...Sounds like a fascinating place though....Have you ever been to Smethwick, Birmingham? Maybe we could arrange one of those house swap holiday things?
yours, Dave

RocknRollDave

Dear Mr R Smith

On behalf of the charity, may I take this opportunity to apologise for the recent deluge of offers to attend a number of our fundraising events, and for the unsolicited gifts which you have so very kindly returned. I can only put it down to a misunderstanding on the part of one of our more junior staff who genuinely believed you shared our same love for the felines of this world.

Sincerely,
Deidre Spinsturgh
Cat Protection League

Gassage

Dear Mr F King and E Clapton,

For avoidance of doubt, and in answer to your repeated questioning, yes, I tried it a few times then much to my astonishment I realised I took it up the jacksie.

So that was that.

Yours in music,
The Gas.

axisus

Dear Mr Mercury

I'm sorry, but I have to confirm that you are not the Champions, your record has peaked at number 2.

Yours sincerely, UK charts

axisus

Dear Celine Dion

It is with great sadness that we have to inform you that your heart did not go on. An angry mob of music appreciators stoned it to death.

axisus

Dear Mr Dury

Thankyou for your claim letter dated 23 Nov 1978. Unfortunately we cannot award any compensation at this time as it appears that you asked to be hit with the rhythm stick on numerous occasions.

Yours sincerely 

Small claims court

Flink_Poyd

Hi Kurt, thanks for showing concern about where I slept last night but as per usual it was in a ditch, lol.
Courtney

usedtobe

Dear Mr Barlow,

Pay your tax, you cunt!

yours,

Usedtobe

axisus

Dear George O'Dowd

Yes, yes I really do want to hurt you. 

Mr Axisus

Gassage

Dear Neil Finn and members of C House,

Before you take the usual chippy Kiwi moral high ground, let's not pre-predict and let's wait until the final whistle today, eh?

Yours in rugby,
Gassage.

RocknRollDave

axisus said:

Dear George O'Dowd

Yes, yes I really do want to hurt you. 

Mr Axisus

@Gassage beat you to that one!

Nunogilberto

Dear Mr Fogerty,

Yes, I have seen the rain many times; in fact it is raining as I write. It contributes to the visual 'rolling' down the river, and it certainly drives me 'around the bend'.

Regards

axisus

Dear mrs Minogue

I am just writing to confirm that you won't feel a thing under general anaesthetic. I can assure you that after the four hour operation he will indeed be out of your head. we will be replacing a section of your skull with a small door in case the problem should arise again.

Surgeon general.

axisus

Dear Mr and Mrs Kelly

We are sorry to inform you of the tragic death of your son who fell from a cliff edge 2 days ago. It's as if he believed he could fly.

South Devon police