Devastating News

littlegreenman

thomasross20 said:

Can you believe.. we were going to meet one last time (to use a restaurant voucher I gave her for breakfast) but she just so happened to go over on her ankle so can't make it (as she told me by email)... It's completely a put-down but phrased in a way to make me look like the bad guy for questioning it. I'd rather people were just damn honest about things. Massively disappointing, despite realising I've dodged a bullet.
Don't know whether to reply with exactly what I think... or just leave it at radio silence. 

Totally put off all this dating rubbish now!! 

It happens Tiggs, just step away for a while and reset your *thing that guys are meant to reset in this circumstance* **

** No-one knows what that is but we say it anyway

I remember being fobbed off once by a woman I was smitten with for what would have been probably our 5th date with the most excellent excuse that she couldn't make it as she and her boyfriend were going to the Peak District for the weekend!

Just to say that many years later and under completely random circumstances (online gaming of all things; i.e. dragons and stuff, not the other kind), I did actually acccidentally bump into someone, and 7 years later it's still all OK. All the usual hiccups but we happily tolerate each other, lol.

So take your time, and keep on keeping on.

And most importantly, never settle for "good enough". We've all seen your character in this thread Thomas, you've already found the best of the best once and proved your worth, no doubt one day another angel like that will find you again.

thomasross20 said:

 
I'm angry at myself for tainting this thread about Sheena with this rubbish. 

Don't be, it's all part of the process dude, this thread has always been as much about you as it has been about Sheena. I think everyone gets that, and I reckon she would have too. Give yourself a break

thomasross20

Thanks @Foster. ;;
Yeah.. still only year two. I've got so many other things to be getting on with. 
You're not big and bad for saying!

Oh just saw your reply, thanks @littlegreenman and happy you found your partner  

I'm going to get cracking with my acoustic rock project and what's for me won't go past me, as the old saying goes

ToneControl

Sadly, you can only hope to be as lucky finding someone right quickly. I guess it will take luck and/or persistence.
Don't worry about the thread, it's a fine place to cover this

I'd avoid replying to that email 

thomasross20

She's done me a favour - I knew it wasn't right and looking back... I'm the catch, not her! Lol.

I never replied and I'm not going to. Neither will I be putting in specific effort re dating in the short-term, at least.

DiscoStu

My ex left me after 12 years together and I didn't take it too well. It took 6 months for me to feel up to dating and I met someone who I thought was 'the one'. She wasn't. A few months together and she cheated on me.
That lead to another hiatus and then dating apps which in turn lead to depression and anxiety!
Luckily though I did happen to meet an old friend online who is incredible and who has changed my life. 4 years and counting!

Be proud that you took the first steps to moving forward. Dating sites can put too much pressure and hope on people which isn't necessarily a healthy way to start a relationship. Don't be in a hurry.
Like with Sheena, it'll happen when it happens and you'll know when you know.

Onwards and upwards dear boy.

Foster

thomasross20 said:

She's done me a favour - I knew it wasn't right and looking back... I'm the catch, not her! Lol.

I never replied and I'm not going to. Neither will I be putting in specific effort re dating in the short-term, at least.

Best thing you've put lately! If you do decide some months down the lines to get back into online dating my advice* would be "Do not take it seriously!". Don't worry about selling yourself, just be the guy who is on there to have a laugh with people. If something happens then great, if not you got a laugh out of it!





* Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

thomasross20

No massive post here other than to say it was her birthday on Mother's Day, 31st March recently and our wedding anniversary today. Here's the short video (password is howden1)
https://vimeo.com/215816866​

Two years!

mgaw

guitars4you said:

frictionfraction said:

Hi. I lost my wife to cancer in April this year at the age of 50 after a 3 year battle with cancer and a 28 year great marriage.  It’s now been 8 months.  I would not want to tell anyone else how they will feel but I can say how I feel. For me it has got better. At the beginning it was grief, anger and some relief that it was all over. Then depression about the future and worry that I could not remember her properly.  Gradually as I realised the grief which was for me and my loss begun to lessen I found I could think and talk about her more.  

Friends and acquaintances naturally quickly move on with their lives and forgot a bit - some are great some are not. That’s life.  My daughters are my main support and that is great. I talk to them about stuff that I never thought I would and this is reciprocated. They are the most important thing.

Ive now decided to dip my toe back in the relationship waters and it has been fun and interesting. I loved my wife but it’s time to start moving on and that is what she wanted for me.

There is no manual for this, no right way or wrong way, I just want to live life, laugh, have companionship again and remember that I have been lucky enough to have loved and been loved by someone special. 

very sorry to hear - My dad was 51 and my mum just a few weeks short of 50 when she died - My dad was lucky in that the friendship group was common to both and he was well supported by friends plus family - We worked together at the time in the family music business (with my mum as well) so we pulled through easily enough - My dad stated quite early on that he never expected to have another relationship again - Not sure where that thought pattern came from, maybe his 51 years of age - However a year later he was asked to go to party with a widowed lady - purely as friends as everyone else there was a couple - Most knew each other, so it was never a date - Another year later and they married - Time has moved on and my dad has now been married to his 2nd wife longer than first - He never expected it but both are happy and it is great news for him - So a nice happy ending - Goes to show you never know

Shrews

Hi all,

My own story with my wife Denise was detailed on page 44 and this is a follow up to that. 

Denise sadly passed away on February 23rd, 15 weeks after her 8-12 week prognosis. We had a 5 week stay in the hospice over Christmas but in the end she died peacefully at home.  I found it all very difficult and unfortunately have lots of 'not nice' memories from the last four months which my brain has been trying to bury.  I start counselling next week because the biggest issue I have is that I can't talk about her, or the last 6 months, with anyone without getting upset and that's obviously something that I don't want. I want to talk about her loud and clear, with a smile on my face.  Consequently, I find myself shutting her out, which has a knock-on effect to feeling guilty.

My work have been really good, six months off with full pay, but I went back on Monday phased return and had a 'walls closing in' moment on Tuesday. I've never had anything like that before and didn't have a repeat over the rest of the week, so I hope it was just a warning shot.  What was before has been and gone, I'm living in a different world now and feel like a different person.  I feel that I've lost my way completely, from being a person very much in control and knowing who he is, to one just drifting through each day and feeling like I have no structure.  Friends have been great, family been great, work has been great, but still I feel like a feather in the wind I suppose.

I am going to see a Spiritual Healer on Tuesday (!) and whilst I know it's all a load of rubbish, I just want him to tell me she's safe, gone to a nice place and will pay me a visit from time to time.  I think hearing that will help me a lot, even if it's just telling me something I want to know.  It could prove to be £40 very well spent. I will let you know how it goes!

After nearly 10 years together, we got married on November 7th. It was something that we'd planned for years, but just never got around to it!  In the end we just decided to get on with it whilst she still could, less than 4 weeks later she went downhill rapidly.  It was a lovely, but very emotional ceremony.  I've just watched @thomasross20 video above and choked a little at some of the words said about 'rest of our life', at my own ceremony that was the bit that I burst into tears.  

I have messaged Thomas a few times over the last few months and he has been a great help.  One thing I am determined to do this year is to meet up and shake his hand. Thank you Thomas.  Your Sheena was beautiful and like I told you by message, I just know they'd be friends 'up there', after seeing the video I'm even more sure of that.

As somebody said to me a few months ago 'You've got to take baby steps' and whilst I found that difficult to understand at the time, I think I'm now starting to get it.

monquixote

Thanks for sharing that.

I hope you find the strength you need.

Fortheloveofguitar

thomasross20 said:

No massive post here other than to say it was her birthday on Mother's Day, 31st March recently and our wedding anniversary today. Here's the short video (password is howden1)
https://vimeo.com/215816866​

Two years!

What a lovely video Thomas and such beautiful memories of the day to treasure 

Hope you’re doing ok 

thomasross20

Well that was me 35 yesterday and today marks two years since Sheena's passing. Sat and watched a film she liked with my step daughters and we lit a candle for her (which lasted the entire film) then blew it out and told her we love her. 

ToneControl

thomasross20 said:

Well that was me 35 yesterday and today marks two years since Sheena's passing. Sat and watched a film she liked with my step daughters and we lit a candle for her (which lasted the entire film) then blew it out and told her we love her. 

Thanks for reminding us, I hope you were able to spend the 2 days the way you all wanted

breakstuff

Wow, can't believe it's been two years already.

All the best to you and your step daughters.

richardhomer

Hope you’re ok. 

earwighoney

thomasross20 said:

Well that was me 35 yesterday and today marks two years since Sheena's passing. Sat and watched a film she liked with my step daughters and we lit a candle for her (which lasted the entire film) then blew it out and told her we love her. 

Bloody hell, I can't believe it's 2 years already.  

A belated Happy Birthday to you as well. 

Jalapeno

Another belated Happy Birthday.

2 yrs, sheesh !  (And without wanting to be too new age/hippy)  Keep on with the positivity, it shows through your posts, and  will percolate everything

Gadget

Best wishes.

guitars4you

Good to hear an update from you again Ross - Best wishes to both you and the girls

You'll never forget what love Sheena brought to you and the family - Time does make it easier - But certain days/events are reminders - The girls will recall this as and when they have major events like a marriage and/or kids and their mum is not there - I felt that when I got married and my daughter was born

thomasross20

Thanks all - I won't resurrect this thread every year, I just felt two years was like "wow" - I'm no longer at the grave every single weekend (obviously I still go..) and feel I can almost look forward to moving onto something positive, whatever that may be. It's taken a long time and I still get lonely but she'll always be with me wherever I go. 

And yeah.. Zoe in particular will feel it when she gets married etc.. 

Thanks again everyone