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to the O P. All these people are unlikely to be wrong. Bizarrely it’s what you are saying you don’t have kids that would blur the line about staying. You just have you, this ain’t it, find someone better.
Of course she says it your fault. That tells neutral observers a lot.
You should keep at least one message to listen to if you're feeling weak and are considering giving her a call.
Do not do this.
My advice would be to ditch the toxic relationship, and learn to live by yourself, for yourself for a year or two. It's much easier to identify your own trigger points when you haven't got jealousy/accusations/etc in your ear. Once you're comfortable with yourself, you'd be surprised how quickly you end up finding yourself in a much more stable relationship with a much more stable person.
With that said, don't blame yourself for this (apart from the bit about constantly going back...that one is all you, I'm afraid). Despite the commonly-held narrative these days, abusive partners come with both sets of reproductive equipment, and it very much sounds like this is one of those cases.
Make the split easier for her. Tell her you think she's too good for you and deserves someone better (even if you hate yourself for doing it). A case of losing the battle to win the war.
If you're not tactical about it I think there is a real chance (from what you've said) that she could give you a lot of harrassment problems afterwards, but letting her have some self-esteem possibly reduces that risk. I'm sure she's given you plenty of examples of where 'you're not good enough for her', so they should be easy enough to reel off.
In management circles, it's called the 'shit sandwich'
I don't think I'm good enough for you, I've been thinking about the things you've said and I think you deserve someone better as I just can't live up to your expectations (reel off some examples). You're lovely in every way (blah, blah, blah)
So I can't go on hurting you any longer, you deserve to be happy and to find the person who is perfect for you. So, as much as I hate to do it, I feel that's the best thing for you. Breaking up is always difficult but give it a few months and you'll find somebody that you'll be happy with.
We've had some good times and I'll never forget you. You've been a much bigger part of my life than you'll probably ever realise (you fcking controlling psycho bitch - don't say that).
Then take a deep breath, rub your eyes to make them look tearful, smile at her, get up and walk out. And try not to run down the road singing Zippety-Doo-Dah.
Hopefully that should prevent any vengeful split-up aftermath.
I'm sure the theory will say you should give it a few months and get to know yourself. It's probably right but also easier said than done.
It may be best to let her find another boyfriend and not go looking for a new woman yourself until she seems more settled. Don't ever go back even if she seems genuinely remorseful. Life is too short to have people like that in your life.
This is the 21st Century, plenty of women out there in tinternet land are looking for good men like yourself. Plenty just want the physical stuff (go for it, if you think it'll help, no strings can sometimes benefit both parties) but plenty also just want a loving man. Thankfully the days are gone where if a relationship breaks up then you either have to find somebody at work or it's a pick-up joint on a Saturday night.
Get it done, time is moving on towards Christmas and the closer it gets the harder it will be. Or settle for having a shit Christmas and then doing the deed in January. New year, new start and all that, but I think now is the time.
I love you all, and thus I shall kick you up the arse when needed. Because thats what friendly neighbourhood spidermen do.
1. You wouldnt have posted this if there wasnt a problem.
How does she make you feel? The raw emotions, dont try to sympathise or try to understand her point of view, because from what you say, people like that cant be.
2. You can't change her, no matter what you do. You cant make her, and she probably doesnt want to.
You can only change your own circumstances, and yourself.
3. Being alone is not the same as being lonely.
You seem lonely, and so are scared to be alone.
You need to invest in yourself my friend, make yourself the hero. Build yourself up. Its hard work and requires practice, but soon you'll see your own worth, and be confident to assert yourself not to settle for something thats doing you no good just because you fear being alone or fear you may not find someone else.
Think of yourself as a project, go and get some CBT to help (I did), nowt wrong with it and it will keep you safely on track doing the right things!
Sometimes I've been given real simple bits of advice and guidance, that I would never have thought of, but have changed my mindset drastically!
4. There are 66 MILLION people here in the Uk in 2018.
Your chances of finding someone much better, and more attractive in all senses, are high.
Your partner fears abandonment. Her belief is probably founded in past experiences. She needs to seek medical/psychological advice AND act upon it. Otherwise, she will always drive prospective partners away.
Unless or until, your partner can change into a more relaxed person, the easy option is to walk away. Getting somebody of that fearful mindset to change will be tricky. She probably will not even admit publicly that there is anything wrong with her outlook on life.
I had exactly this with somebody ........took me 6 months to realise as I thought she was a little insecure and I could be gentle and accommodating to a point .
I realised the extent when we were about to pull onto a busy main road and I dared to look right when we came to the junction
- apparently I only looked right "in case" there was a good looking woman approaching at 60mph !!!!!
I said nothing but drove straight home while she fumed in the car .........she was surprised when I re-emerged from my house about 5 minutes later with 2 dustbin bags full of her things ( she thought I was coming to coax her out with sympathy and apologies for daring to glance into the oncoming traffic ). I drove her straight to her friends house and said goodbye .
The End.
Anyway the moral is that about 10 years later I was chatting to a guy in a swimming pool in a Hotel in Barcelona .When he asked my name He said "I know somebody you used to date ".........turns out the same woman had been making his best mates life Hell with all the same madness for about 3 years and the mate had called it a day a month earlier .
You can't change Crazy.
my trouble is i keep going back all the time
she is good looking but looks fade
and personalitys stay ..
Let us know when she's single. . .